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Handling it when they come home trashed is a lot easier when they just go to bed.
Tonight it was the 'No, I haven't been'. Then I pointed out we have a breathalyzer at the house... and how sad it is that we have a breathalyzer at the house. She volunteered to blow. I blow... 0.000. She blows... 0.102. She had a peppermint on the way home, that's why it was 0.102. I pointed out that that won't affect the test but we can wait 15 mins and test again. She blew 0.104 after that and just rolled over, saying, 'I didn't do anything wrong.'.
No, but she's also stage 4 alcoholic (lots of kidney issues, maybe some liver ones i haven't been told about but she hasn't turned yellow yet). Stage 4's can no longer hold their liquor and it takes a lot less to get them trashed. So she may really only have had 3 drinks. But that sends her up to 0.24 [per her own admission... i've not observed her drinking in ages]. So well, you just don't know I suppose.
I still love her so much and it just sucks watching her die. She had made it a full whopping 13 days and maybe 18 hours since her last drink.
And what a splendid 13 days and 18 hours it was. Where's the heart smilie?? Bleh.
Thank God she went to bed. I really don't know how much more of this I can take. She was SO trashed that I told her she needed to come home. She went to mental health court today for her last DUI. And as usual, when she goes out, she comes home trashed. Now 0.1 is not 'that trashed' for a normal livered person. But in stage 4 that liver can't keep up (so I'm told) and so they just destroy themselves with a few drinks. She calls, I told her she was blatantly trashed and should come home before someone calls the cops called on her b/c she has her 2 year old daughter with her. She then tells her cab driver, after about an hour of 'trying to get to wal mart' to bring her home.
What a miserable way to go. Just this morning I actually called my mom to tell her how nice things were going since it seemed like she really turned over a new leaf. For 13 days she was cleaning the house again, homeschooling the kids, and generally being well... my fairy tale wife who hangs out with me at night and watches TV or we just... enjoy each others company. You know, like friends do. I even tried calling her mom to tell her how proud I was of her for turning over a new leaf. Its a good thing she wasn't awake yet and I didn't talk to her. She's going to put herself in an early grave because of her daughter.
One day I'll leave her over this. Maybe tomorrow...? Maybe.
Hi AW thanks for connecting. I know many of us can relate to believing that if drinking stops for 13 days we are on the road back.
Unfortunately, alcoholism is a cunning, baffling, insidious disease that can be arrested and not cured. A real program of recovery should be sought in order for a person to stand a chance against this formidable foe.
I do hope you ave found some face to face meetings that can support you at this time.
Hi there and welcome to MIP! My exAh stopped one of his times for over a year and it was a great year, but he never got himself into AA and I had yet to find al-anon and so in short order we returned to the same place, him drinking and me miserable about his drinking. I am glad you are here. The book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews and "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie were the first two books I read when I found this site and helped me immensely. Keep coming back and find some al-anon face to face meetings they made a huge difference in my serenity! Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
A.W., brother...its good that you brought it here to speak from the heart on it. I know your heart feels bruised...I know that feeling just before I learned how to feel powerless as you are expressing here. Don't know if you are getting to face to face groups yet however that is what fixed me after this disease left me in pieces. You know the stages of alcohol poisoning and addiction really well. Do you know that there are also stages for the family and spouses also? The meetings and program tools such as the literature will help you to understand more about those. Thanks for the trust bringing your journey here. Hope it works in return also. (((((hugs)))))
Your love shows in your post here and I'm so sorry that the disease of alcoholism has hurt you and your partner so much.
As I read your message I was reminded of a time when I was concerned about my husband's behaviour and I snooped on his Facebook page. A friend of mine asked me 'did that make you feel better?' and to be honest it didn't, in addition to not liking what I saw I also felt bad about myself for doing it. There were lots of small ways that behaviour undermined my self esteem and it didn't make much difference to my husband, except proving that he was 'hard done by because his wife snooped on him' and therefore another drink.
I found that I felt much better when I left it to my husband to use his own (I admit reduced) judgement and in the meantime I used mine to think about what was best for me.
Im sorry aw. That was the part i couldnt stand, when he was sober and things looked good and hope came back, over and over again. It was this that kept me hooked, the will he wont he. You do sound like you know about the disease, i didnt. Alcoholism was hardly mentioned in 20 years with my ex. We were all insane in the end. Its too hard for them on their own, aa works because its peolle like her helping people like her. The same is true for us. Alanon meetings are where you will get help from peolle who know what its like, this forum is great too. Your own health and wellbeing is important, take care of yourself.
So sorry AW prayers for her that something will change to save her life...
The evening my son was arrested he was in the hospital with BAC of .501..they kept him until the legal release level of under .20. He got in the car and was arrested 15 minutes later. He is now doing really good in prison getting healthy. I pray 2 1/2 years will give him enough time to understand his disease and come out a better man.
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I used a breathalyzer on my AH a lot when we lived together. It was crazy. I hear that you love her....but relationships require more than just love. Sometimes love isn't enough. What about trust? Security? Stability? Peace?
I can relate with what Elcee said. I kept holding on because of the sober times...but they never lasted long enough. It was a merry go round of insanity. Will he drink? Will he sleep too much? Will he go to work? Will he get more tickets? Can we pay the bills? I do not miss the chaos of alcoholism.
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Saturday 7th of February 2015 11:49:28 PM
