The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays little book tells us that its important to uncover our assets as well as out shortcomings and appreciate them. Recognising in ourselves the good bits like honesty, genorousity, patience, tolerance gives us something to build on. For me, its saying that our aim is to be our own best friend because unless we look in and work on loving ourselves then we won't reach serenity.
This makes sense to me because while living with my ex ah I hated myself and so he got to treat me badly, I honestly thought I deserved it, I couldnt see how I would or could have anything better. My self esteem took a pounding or maybe it was low to begin with. We deserve to see our own good bits and if we dont look at them then were doing ourselves a disservice.
The reading calls this 'false humility' as 'hampering as arrogance' I like that, I used to think people who could say out loud the good parts of themselves were egotistical and arrogant but I think the books saying that to accept ourselves as having good inside is important in our recovery. Maybe not looking at the good stuff is the old mind set of martyr, victim.
'Let me learn to understant myself first, that will occupy me so fully that I will have no time nor thought to analyse and criticise the compulsive drinker.'
Dear LC, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts on today's reading in the ODAT. I can so identify with the false humility that you addressed as I too used to believe that sharing what I thought was good about myself was prideful and arrogant. I purposely made myself invisible, pointing out my bad qualities hoping that others would negate what I said and tell me how great I was. How manipulative was that?
I too am so grateful to Al-Anon for giving me a voice and permission to truly look at myself. By keeping an open mind and examining my motives, I was able to accept the good, and the not so good qualities when I saw them . I love the idea that Al-Anon is not a self help program but a self acceptance program. When I could finally see myself, and the negative attitudes that were hampering me, and have the tools that would help me to be different, I was willing to change..
Asset and gratitude lists work wonders as I am trying to focus on the positive and rebuild my self-esteem..
Thankyou Elcee for taking the topic and Betty for sharing:) gosh when I came into the program I thought I had all the answers and thought I was always right (lol) I beat myself up a lot if I would slip. I couldn't forgive myself. Awareness has been key to unlocking the door to acceptance of myself as is. I am not perfect, but I am ok as is. Perfectionism drove all my choices and all my actions in the past. Somedays it still drives me, like trying to control my weight. It's nice to be able to notice my good points and appreciate them. Some of them hp brought out in me, which has been amazing. I have become more confident and not easily swayed by others views. I am more intuitive. I used to make just about all my decisions based on what others thought I should do. I love the reminder at the bottom of the reading. Keeping the focus on myself, my behaviors and my motives is a full time job if I'm working my program the best I can, I'm so busy with myself I don't have time to see what others are doing or coach and advise them. They have their own lives to work out, just as I have mine. I am extremely grateful to all of you who have been posting these daily readings. They have been a life raft to me. I haven't been able to get out to a meeting since Saturday due to the weather. I have been able to keep my serenity day by day and I'm grateful to this forum for these readings and a place for me to share. Blessings n peace ;)
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
