The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been lurking here for a month or so and thought it was finally time to introduce myself.
I have been married to an Alcoholic/Addict for 11 years. We have three beautiful children together ages 9, 6 and 5. I realize now I have been extremely codependent since my early teens. I always knew something was "different" about me and it really is a relief to know what it is! Most people I meet for the first time can't get over how "nice" I am, lol. If only they knew it was because I would be anyone they wanted me to be!
My husband has always been an alcoholic and I fell into the typical, wow.. I need to save this guy story. Six years into the relationship and I had a complete breakdown. I was so anxious I couldn't even walk outside and get the mail. Antidepressants helped me through that.. but eventually I turned to drinking myself. Of course after trying that for a couple years my life was a disaster and I'm pleased to say I've been sober for 19 months :) I stopped taking my medication and decided to take control of my own life. I joined the gym and weight watchers and have lost 60 pounds! Woot woot! I've also been in counseling the past 3 months or so. I'm just starting to like myself!
I have enabled, hoped, worried.. driven myself nuts since the beginning with this guy. I have watched him crash three different vehicles impaired.. he ran from police each time only to face additional charges. I have had him charged with assault not once but twice. Driven him 6 hours away to face possession charges of crack and cocaine. Turned him in for warrants in other provinces. Watched him steal and take advantage of others.. Ruin every quality friendship he's ever had. Not to mention some of my own. He's never been able to keep a job. And this is just the beginning of it all...
With all that said I still can't seem to shake this guy! I can now see how sick I am, and am actually a little excited to know there is hope for me.
I feel so blessed to have found this site. I can relate to each and every story I've read and already don't feel so alone in all this.
Welcome aboard Cheryl! Through these doors pass the most important people in the world - people whose lives have been affected by alcohol/addiction in some way, shape, or form. I too, like you and many others, lurked for a while before I signed up so that I could ask questions or add to a conversation.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I second the welcome Cheryl and you come with more story than lots of others do and then we all can only carry so much. You have hit the home of the Miracles in Progress family and so many of us are Al-Anon Family Group members. We have similar stories and Experience Strengths and Hopes. I'm happy you feel satisfied with that. Your story and mine are similar to a point. I've been in recovery for a while without the use of weightwatchers or the gym (lol) and we have to do what we have to do to survive and get sane. We have been dealing with an incurable disease that is a compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body. It can only be arrested by total abstinence and it is progressive in that if it isn't arrested by total abstinence it will only get worse (progressively). He doesn't have to get clean and sober in order for you to it seems that you understand. Al-Anon Family Groups are all over the planet mostly because the disease is all over the planet also. We get as sick as they do and so we find each other in face to face meetings of Al-Anon. You can usually find a hotline number to meetings in you area in the white pages of your local telephone book. Call that number to find out where and when we get together in your area and come as soon as you can. Keep coming back here also. (((((hugs)))))
Dear Cheryl, welcome to MIP. I'm glad that you have decided to join us and share your deep insightinto yourself as well as your concern for your life. You have received great responses from other board members and I would just like to confirm the fact that Al-Anon face-to-face meeting held in most communities offer amazing and powerful support in order to help us recover from the devastating effects of living with the disease of alcoholism.
All the issues that you have shared about yourself are addressed in Al-Anon meetings and different tools are offered to replace the negative loss of self, denial of self tools that you currently have.
Now that you connected please keep coming back and sharing you know you're not alone.
Hey Cheryl and welcome to MIP. I'm glad you found us. and I hope you will keep coming back. We are all Miracles In Progress here and we do everything we can to help each other along this journey. I describe alcoholism as a demonic disease that affects not only the alcoholic but also family and friends of the alcoholic. We become so entangled in the lives of our alcoholics that our thinking and behavior becomes distorted and unmanageable. We become enablers without realizing this. The very things we do, (cry, beg, threaten, plead, throw fits, etc.) to control our alcoholic's drinking adds to the guilt which gives him more reason to drink. In Al-Anon, the very first thing we learn is that we did not cause our alcoholics to drink, nor can we control or cure our alcoholics.
What we can do, however, is take care of ourselves. Al-Anon helps you learn how to do this. I remember well my first face to face Al-Anon meeting. I was so broken, that I was ready to give up and die. I left that first meeting feeling hopeful for myself. Please, if you can, go to a meeting.
Let go and let God take care of you ah, and you take care of you.
((Cheryl)) keep coming back.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Hi Cheryl. So glad you decided to post. i can relate to your story. Lately I have been coping by eating way too much. I need to lose weight too. I am so glad you are feeling better about yourself. al anon is a program where you get to focus on yourself and do what you need to do. I am trying to be positive. I left my AH last March and now going through divorce. keep coming back
Thank you for the warm welcome. I will be attending my first face to face meeting Tuesday morning. I'm a little nervous but really looking forward to it.
My AH is still in the picture. I have asked for a break to get my mind together. It's only been a few days but so far he's been very respectful of my decision. I have tried to set many boundaries in the past all of which he just stomps all over.
I'm trying so hard to stay strong! I cannot think of one positive thing he brings to my life. It's so sad. I don't want to play the victim anymore! Why does that feel so comfortable?
Hi again Cheryl, living with the disease of alcoholism we all develop negative coping tools that enable us to deal with the insanity on a daily basis. Feeling like a victim, or a martyr are all part of the negative attitudes that Al-Anon will help us to discard. You're not alone and we can all identify with many of the feelings that you feel and express.
Living one day at a time, focused on ourselves, learning to act and not react, trusting our lives to a power greater than ourselves, and receiving the support from like-minded members allows us to restore our self-worth and self-esteem, I am glad that you will be attending a meeting.
Welcome, I can relate to a lot of your story. The whole being different people to please everyone, that was me too. More faces than the town clock. Your post is hopeful and you have already survived and made positive changes to your life. It looks like you reached your own point of surrender. Alanon meetings are where I got the help I needed and I have changed my life too. Glad your here.x
Cheryl you said "I don't want to play the victim anymore! Why does that feel so comfortable?"
It feels comfortable, my sweet sister, because it means you are ready to take YOUR life back!! Yayyyy for YOU. I am so glad you are going to a meeting.
The program works if you work it.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
