The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday I was bringing my daughter home from school. A lot of teenagers walk by my apartment complex on their way home from school. I saw a guy laying on the sidewalk as I drove by. I told myself he must have been playing around with some kids and fell or was pretending to be hurt or something. He was at least 20 feet away from me so it was hard to see much. there were kids around him too. I saw our maintenance man using his phone, so I figured he was taking care of things. I ignored the stiuation and didn't think much of it. I live in a decent, middle class area. So, daughter and I went inside for 45 min. I heard sirens, but thought nothing of it considering we live near a busy street and I hear sirens a lot.
We then walked outside to go to her piano lesson. At first I saw a helicopter overhead. hmmmm...then as we left I saw tons of cop cars surrounding my complex. Then I saw the yellow caution tape around the area where the guy had been laying on the sidewalk. CRAP!! I instantly felt sick to my stomach. I found out online he had been shot. So, my codpendent, guilt ridden brain went into overdrive. I am a nurse!! I could have helped him!! How can I be so stupid and not realize he was shot??? After the lesson, I came home and spoke to a detective that was still at the scene. I told him how I felt so bad I ignored the situation. I could have helped him, etc. The detective was so nice, yet had a firm tone. "You did nothing wrong. In fact,if you were my wife or a family member of mine and you had tried to help, I would have been pissed! You don't know the situation. If you had tried to help him, you could have possibly been caught in the crossfire." I thanked him. He also told me medical help arrived quickly. I found out he is supposed to survive.
Al anon has taught me its ok to talk to people. I had to tell him how I felt. I also recognized how my brain spun out of control. I hadnt even thought of what the detective was saying. He helped me see a different side of things.
it is very rare for something like this to happen around here, and they think it might be gang related. So, today I am trying to be calm and not worry too much. Its hard. I always feel like I tend to be a nosey person, so thats also part of why I ignored the situation. I am glad I can more accurately define what goes on in my head now that I have al anon.
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Wednesday 4th of February 2015 02:54:45 PM
Always hard to make the right judgment call when you have incomplete information. It's so easy to second-guess ourselves once we know more. I've read that we also look to other's reactions to see how to react. So since no one you saw was panicking or desperately calling for help, you concluded everything was under control. And as it turned out, it was.
Such a great reflection on how talking to others helps. That's something I'm going to remember when I'm stuck and trying to figure things out on my own.
Yes Mattie, very scary. Its just natural since I am a nurse, to want to help people. I didnt see the situation correctly and I cant beat myself up for it. I am hoping they find the suspect. But I also cant live in fear. I feel ignorant more than anything.
((((Newlife)))) we are not about perfection...we are spiritual beings trying to have a human experience I've been told and so lots of human stuff goes on around me that I cannot and will not have a hand in...positive or negative. Bless you for the good that you do and continue to wait your turn.
NL What a powerful share and frightening experience. I am happy you spoke to the policeman and actually heard and accepted his reply.
Good work. Prayers for your peace.
thanks for replying. i am now trying not to be upset about the fact I didnt get many reponses to this share. it was a traumatic event for me. i am still feeling overwhelmed at times. i am not sure if i should have shared this story. just not feeling right.
I think your post was fine. Its just quiet around here. Your experience sounds scary and i think you did the right thing without even realising it. Im glad you and your daughter are safe.
NLG remember that in alanon we are learning how to share who we are regardless of how others feel or respond. It is what we need that counts.
"Take the action and let go of the results" is important to practice here as well.
Doesn't matter if you did right or wrong with not stopping to help.. it is the past, live in the present. If your bothered by your actions you can help next time if you choose to do so.. you can't turn back time and I firmly believe things happen exactly as our higher power intends at the time, what happened was his call NOT yours, he rules the universe NOT you, so that police officer may have been correct for this instance.
NLG, I think the post was fine, remember that we aren't all on here all the time, and may not always be able or inspired to post back. This post I read on my tablet first time, and it's a pain to type out a reply, and there's no "like' button, so I didn't get to it. That's why it's best to take the attitude that Betty suggested with this forum as well.
it sounds like good program work to me, great that you were able to accept what the detective said. My dad was a volunteer fireman and mom was an EMT for years, and I would sometimes worry that they could be in a situation like that, so I agree, best to not go in there and risk your life and making your kids pay the sacrifice for it.
I remember being told once that a huge percentage of nurses and EMTs are AlAnon eligible. They went into the profession because they are helpers either by nature or by upbringing (I'm not sure which). You did the right thing by staying out of the drama and focusing on you.
I remember feeling very unsettled when there was a shooting near my home here in Italy last year. Like you, ours is a very unlikely place for something like that to happen but talking to other people in the community we managed to put it into context (nothing like that it had ever happened before apparently). It helped to share our shock. You are a lovely caring person and I am glad that you are safe and I'm glad that you came here to share with us, I'm just sorry that I did not respond before now. My apologies for that. I understand your feelings. Take care of you.
I was out of town for two days with classes away from home and read it, but can't reply from my phone very easily and had little time. It was not personal and yes it has been quiet on the board lately. (QTIP) quit taking it personally is a good slogan for these instance. It sounds like you did the right thing and like the disease the person getting shot wasn't your fault and nothing you could do when you didn't even know what went on. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
