The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
ODA T reading for today is a powerful reflection that speaks about how many of us, myself included, would always look outside ourselves for the cause of our problems.
The reading suggests that the real enemy might be our own "self-deception." It goes on to explain how easy it is to blame all our pain and suffering on others especially the alcoholic because living with the disease of alcoholism is extremely difficult . Even though the disease of alcoholism in another can cause difficult time the reading points out that we could do a great deal about our own lives if we took the focus off the alcoholic , or others and place it on ourselves. By so doing we would be able to identify many negative characteristic that we are exhibiting that with help from program tools we can eliminate and so improve our lot.
I know that I learned to blame and criticize and judge others in my family of origin. I was always right and when something went wrong (which meant the way I did not like it) I always looked for somebody to blame as it was always someone else's fault.
Before working the Al-Anon program , and learning how to examine my motives and keep the focus on myself ,It never even entered my mind that I should look at my actions to see if my expectations were off, or if I could be wrong.
Thank you Al-Anon for giving me the tools to be able to improve my life. I love to live one day at a time, focused on myself, placing principles above personalities, acting and not reacting, examining my motives and trusting a Higher Power. What a gift this program truly is.
The quote is from the first Epistle of John; "if we say that we have no faults we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us".
I am looking forward to hearing your experience and I appreciate the opportunity to share.
Thankyou Betty for taking the topic and sharing :) what a great reading... I remember when I came into the program I sat on the pity pot all the time, I blamed everyone else for everything. I didn't realize that what was happening was a product of the choices I had made or was making. The program taught me I always have choices and even if I can't see them, with prayer and meditation my mind becomes receptive to more choices. The reading also points to the seventh tradition...being fully self supporting declining outside contributions. I need to keep the focus on myself, stay honest with myself and maybe do a mini tenth step inventory if I'm slipping or my motives aren't good. Thankyou for letting me share ;)
__________________
I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
I was not raised in an alcoholic family. I married into it. When my hubby started going into his disease I started TAKING the blame for everything. I excused his behavior for years. He worked hard, he was tired, he didn't mean it... blah, blah, blah. I assumed the blame for whatever went wrong and I tried harder and harder to make it all work out. I took on his attitude that if I worked harder and smarter I could avoid all the potholes that he was making in our relationship, the kids relationship with him and with me. Then I got tired and couldn't keep all the knives in the air. I still didn't have AlAnon but I started to see reality. Since I hadn't been raised in it I didn't understand what I was seeing. I blamed him!! That was convenient. I got to AlAnon and people in the meetings would have 4th step meetings and ask eachother "what their part in it was....." I had to have a lot of talks with friends to see what MY part in it was.
