The material presented
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level.
So, the landlord wants me out by the 15th and I have no where else to go yet.
I have been searching frenetically and sometimes I attend 2 to 3 viewings a day. Still I am not accepted anywhere because I am a single parent receiving state benefits. Even though I have 2 jobs, a glowing reference from my current landlord and clean credit, people avoid me like a plague. I don't take it personal, but I am very good at handling my money and I am honest and pay my bills on time. I can comfortably afford to live and pay the rent/bills but it is so hard to find a landlord who will accept me. Some people on welfare give a bad name to all of us.
I do not have to leave by the 15th. My landlord is not evicting me fairly and legally, he is just not following the right procedures and I have my local authority to back me up when he throws a tantrum in case I am still here when he wants me gone. This same local authority will supposedly attend to my housing needs when the landlord manages to get his act straight and lawfully evicts me in about 5 months time, so there is no rush really.
However I still feel so exhausted and desperate. I wanted to leave in good terms with the landlord and have no intention to poop on his plans but what am I supposed to do? If I have no where to go and can legally stay put because he isn't doing he things legally, is it really my fault? Where can I go if there is no where to go to? If he was following the right procedures, the local authority would house me yesterday. But he isn't following the right procedures. Is it my fault?
But I am still looking. If I manage to rent privately again, at least I will have some control over the area and place to call home. The local authority will try their best but they can't magic an available place exactly where I want. The demand is huge.
So today one letting agent gave me an idea. If I had a guarantor, the landlords would be more willing to accept me. Well, the only people I could ask to be my guarantors are exAH's parents. They've done it in the past for both of us. I am not sure if they would do it just for me. I would have to swallow my pride and ask.
When ExAH brought daughter back today I explained the situation to him and asked if he thinks his parents would agree with be my guarantors. I wouldn't need any money from them at all, just a signature on a paper. I would never let a situation deteriorate to a point where they would have to be responsible for my rent. I have never been in rent arrears in my life. ExAH said he can't say if they would agree or not and I would have to ask them, but I need to keep in mind that I kicked him out, so.
Then five minutes later he calls me to say that he is pretty sure they would agree but just because of daughter not because of me. I told him that I know it very well BUT if it wasn't for daughter, I wouldn't need to stay in this particular area or even city, or even country, nor these particular jobs that don't pay much but give me great flexibility and no need to pay for childcare...or maybe I could share a property with friends or maybe afford a small studio flat to myself or I could just not ask his parents to be my guarantors and let the housing authority find me a place 1 hour or 2 away from here and how would exH and his parents like it when is no longer convenient to visit daughter whenever they fancy?
Anyway, now I have this dilemma. Do I ask or do I not? I need to make a decision soon. Already viewed a lovely property today. Have three more to view tomorrow. And waiting answer on other 3 for Thursday.
-- Edited by Luiza on Tuesday 3rd of February 2015 07:06:36 PM
-- Edited by Luiza on Tuesday 3rd of February 2015 07:14:13 PM
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Luiza: I have no suggestions to offer you. I can tell you honestly that I read everything you wrote and my gut clenched when I got to the part where you were considering asking your x-laws to act as your guarantor. I see all sorts of possible implications to this that may not be to your liking or to theirs at some point. Doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. I'm with Betty on praying about it, taking an action and letting go of the results.
When I moved from my home state to the one I live in now, I was a single Mom and newly on my own. I had one month to move for my new job. I traveled long distance and checked newspapers looking for a new place for us to live in the winter. I couldn't find anything. Worse, although my income was going to be increased significantly, the cost of living was also increased significantly in the new location. I decided that my HP was saying not to make the move. I called my new employer and let him know that I would be making a lateral move financially. I'd be sacrificing too much just to move to a new location without really being benefitted financially. Surprisingly, he offered me $2500 more than the initial offer with the warning that was as high as he was going to go. Only a few short days before I was scheduled to move, I found a townhouse to rent that just seemed to "magically" appear. It was a good thing because only a few weeks after moving, my car broke down. My townhouse just happened to be very close to a bus stop that took me directly downtown and only about a block from my new office.
I firmly believe in doing what we can do that is in our best interest and when we're reached the end of our resources, to turn the best we could do into our HP's hands for the outcome. Best of luck to you in your new rental search. Perhaps your HP knows exactly where and how to lead you?
You know, my landlord gave me notice in December. I am absolutely sure that daughter and ExAH commented to Ex-laws about it as I am sure it was a topic of conversation during Christmas. D R A M A !
Well, they didn't bother to wish me Merry Christmas or Happy New Year and to this day they never asked me anything about the landlord's notice: If I am ok, if I will be ok, if I need anything.not even for daughter's sake. They just care about their visitation. Fair enough. I am not blood and I am not family. I guess in their mentality I don't deserve and shouldn't expect help and support from them (even though they said they would be 'there' for me)There? Where? LOL.
Yes, I would rather do it without them. They could well use it against me in the future somehow. They are not my guarantors, they are ExAH guarantors if he ever needs one. I have a couple of friends who could act as guarantors but I won't ask. They know my situation. They will maybe offer if they feel comfortable with it.
-- Edited by Luiza on Tuesday 3rd of February 2015 07:53:15 PM
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
What I did was what Betty suggested...turned it over, asked my Higher Power and then went patient. Patience is necessary and a tool because it tells me that I am practicing faith, trust and a commitment to the steps, slogans and program. We use to use a God Box...mine was a cigar type box with a notch in the cover and bound with duct tape or such so that once a request went into the box I could not pull it out and take over again. Sounds kinda fantastical however it worked really well...I kept my alcoholic/addict wife in there too...never did let her out so I could start controlling again. Worked for me. (((((hugs)))))
Luiza I know you know have been in a similar boat for the last few months and I had convinced myself that no-one would rent to me for the exact same reasons... single mother in receipt of benefits. I was very worried and felt quite hopeless.
The house I am now renting was in an area I had not tried to rent in before and it is a bit run down but also has its charms. The neighbourhood isn't fantastic but it also isn't awful. Strangely I was approved to rent not only this house but 6 others all within a few days. The only difference between these houses and the many I had been rejected for is the location. I discovered I am in fact quite rentable once I changed the area I was looking in. This was a huge surprise to me as I had given up hope.
I can't know why I was rejected for so many properties in other locations, but this is actually pretty good for me as it means I can get to the city where my university is and resume classes there without a lot of travelling, just an hour each way on the train. Where i had been looking it would have been 2.5 hours each way and I know deep down I would have skipped classes and isolated myself so, I can only guess that y HP wants me here in this location and maybe its so i can finish my degree without any excuses.
Anyway as you know had lost all faith and hope for a while yet here I am, setting up my new place and feeling secure at last. I would suggest trying some locations that you might have been rejecting for various reasons and turning it over to HP because I am more sure than ever that I was and am being cared for very carefully and things do happen when the are meant to.
When i had to leave the previous property and wanted to stay in that town so that my daughter could finish primary school there, a room became available on the day I was moving out. This new house became available the day before daughter started high school nearbye. Nothing happened in the time that I wanted it to but it all happened in perfect time all the same.
It is horrible to be filled with uncertainty and not know where you will live. I found it quite unbearable. My thoughts are with you!
(((Luiza)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Well, moving to a different area worries me a bit as I really want to be within walking distance to my daughter's school which is also my work place. Also my client whose is my second job lives right next to that school. I have a super busy life and my daughter have serious problems waking up in the morning even when she goes to bed early and as I don't drive moving far away really worries me.
So I decided that if I must rent privately again it has to be right in the area but if I am to be re-housed by the housing authorities then I can go wherever
Well, I managed to find a property even closer to the school, exactly same size and lay out of the one I am renting right now ("similar buildings") and also same floor and same door number (is it a sign HP?) I have also lived in that building twice already in two different flats, so I know it very well. Even better: The asking price is £50 a month cheaper then what I am paying right now which is pretty remarkable as for what I am paying now I am struggling even to find an one bedroom or bed sit. When I went there for a viewing there were lots of people booked in at the same time, all the people kept talking to the letting agent but I decided to be cheeky and started talking to the current tenant. Within few minutes I knew all the niggles and not so great details about the property and had an insight of the kind of person the landlord is. So I put an offer on the property for even cheaper then the asking price and made sure to list all the problems with the area, the building and the flat to support my offer. I also explained in detail my situation (single parent - benefit claimant etc) as not to waste anymore time and avoid disappointment. I thought the agent wouldn't even bother contacting me again but he did and said that the LL was super busy and he could't talk to him yet but he thinks I have a good chance of being accepted and even if the LL does not accept my offer as long as I agree to pay asking price, works will be carried out to make the property better. No guarantors talking so far.
So tomorrow mooring I am going there again for another viewing and if I am accepted I will put a deposit down straight away. Fingers crossed! If things go wrong I will give up and wait for the council to house me.
However I still have a problem as the property won't be available until end of Feb and my LL wants me out in 12 days time. I feel sorry for him as he is so deluded. He is running a business he hasn't got a clue about and the law is on my side. Today he sent me an email talking about the check out procedures and how I should leave the property in good order and move out first, to receive my deposit back. But what he doesn't know is that he can't even start legal eviction procedures without giving my deposit back and in full, no deduction of any kind. He can't negotiate deductions with me because he failed to protect my deposit within a government scheme and he kept it for investment and profit instead. Over here this is so wrong that I can sue him for the 3x the amount of my deposit + my legal costs. I don't intend to do it even though it is within my rights and the money is very tempting...lets see how I feel once he finds out I am not moving out when he wants me to. His behaviour can make me change my mind.
On the next week I have an appointment with the housing team. If I am all set to rent private by then, they will just support me with dealing with the LL. If I am still at risk of being homeless they will advise me on the next steps to get housed. I will not contact my LL until this appointment.
The big people at my work heard about my problems (as I had to ask for time off to attend my appointment and justify why) and they offered me a new position with more hours and better title/better pay from after Easter. I feel very grateful, this is everything I wanted since I started there back in Sep working only 2 hours a day but I don't feel very happy about it. It seems I didn't get the position for merit but for being in hardship and I am so worried I can't even celebrate.
-- Edited by Luiza on Friday 6th of February 2015 01:29:49 PM
-- Edited by Luiza on Friday 6th of February 2015 02:30:53 PM
-- Edited by Luiza on Friday 6th of February 2015 02:31:30 PM
__________________
Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Trust me you got the position for merit! Employers don't and Can't have sympathy on every distressed worker.
YOU must be good and they want to keep you, wipe that out of your mind and continue to be a good worker! They deserve that in return for appreciating your efforts.
I work with employers and I know this to be a fact! They want to keep you for their own benefit, because you either make them more money or make it easier for them to earn more money... the only two reasons anyone should ever have or keep a job.
I will cross my fingers for you to get the apartment you want
In the location you want. Congratulations on the more hours
And more pay. You deserve it! Looks like you are protecting
And watching out for Yourself and your little girl.
Alanon is an amazing program we learn to take the reins back
In our own hands with the love of our HP. One day at a time!
Sending lots of prayer and support for this all to work out for the best, it sounds like things are already falling into place. Take good care of you in all this!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Luiza...it appears that you know how to take care of yourself...Good for you. Did you tell the LL that you have lived there successfully before? Sometimes that counts. Something about swallowing pride I was taught? Make sure you make small bites first. lol Good luck (((((hugs)))))
So, this morning I went back to view the flat, lots of people again coming in and out. I had a good look around this time and honestly I can't fault the place, it just needs a very good cleaning which I was assured would be done to a professional standard. Also the LL decided to refresh the painting in the whole flat. The tenants will start moving tomorrow so the flat could be available by the 15th. Had a long chat with the current tenants (who are moving because they bought a house) and they have been there for a long time and they spoke highly about the LL.
I explained my situation again to the letting agent and he said I should try and apply even though I am in receipt of benefits .
I then went to the agency with all my paperwork and spoke to his colleague and she advised me to not pay the non refundable holding fee (to take the property off the market) because due to my situation I will fail the criteria (no benefits claimants). She said she can put my case to the LL and it will be his decision and only after his decision, if he agrees to have me as a tenant, then she will charge me the holding fee and other fees to go ahead with credit checking, reference checking and accepting a guarantor. So I will need a guarantor anyway.
She also said there have been lots of interest in the property and some more viewings scheduled for this afternoon so any other offers will have to be put forward to the LL and the LL will pick the one he wants.
I had a long chat with her and she understands a lot about the legalities of letting properties and she just re-enforced everything I have learned lately. I explained to her how bad I feel by not leaving when my LL wants me to and causing him trouble but she said it is not my fault that he hasn't served a correct notice making it impossible for me to be housed by the authorities and it is not my fault that other benefits claimants give us all such a bad name that no one wants to take benefits claimants.
And she said that even if I was a high white collar professional, earning an amazing salary per year, the LL still have the same obligations towards evicting legally so it is nothing to do with my status.
So I am back to square 1 regarding having to find a guarantor and be accepted as a tenant.
I have lost count of how many properties I viewed and was rejected even before applying so at this point, unless I find a private LL willing to take me on, I can't do nothing else, but wait until my appointment with the housing team and take it from there. I know that after my LL learns I won't be moving per his notice date I will lose his reference and I will be then in a deeper trouble. It seems that my destiny is a B&B and maybe a social accommodation somewhere at some point.
The only other alternative would be to find a child friendly shared house with a bedroom available and move there with my daughter...this would trap me and probably even cause more trouble. I don't think it is a smart move...If I allow myself to become homeless, the authorities will house me and I will have a cheap secure tenancy forever albeit I won't have flexibility and choices. If I rent privately again I will be at the mercy of the market and the LLs and will have to be very careful not to lose a home again as for one to be considered homeless and to be entitled to housing help I have to be unfairly evicted with the LL taking me to court. If for example I am living in a place where I can no longer afford the rent or with people who I don't get along with and I decide to move out on my own will, no help will be due to me as I won't be considered homeless "through no fault of my own" even if I have no where to go to.
I don't know what is the HP message and will for me but at this point my hands are tied.
I don't know what else to do so I will just wait and trust.
-- Edited by Luiza on Saturday 7th of February 2015 09:29:32 AM
-- Edited by Luiza on Saturday 7th of February 2015 09:46:55 AM
__________________
Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
My new position will start after the Easter holidays so unless the LL decides to take me on now and asks about my new position during the reference checks I can see nothing changing until I actually receive my 1st new payslip with the salary increase.
And even with my new position I will still be entitled to some benefits as rent in London is so prohibitive expense it is CRAZY. A single parent with a single income (even in a very good job) can not afford to pay rent without help. There is a special benefit just for helping people paying the rent. That is why social housing is in deep crisis right now. The housing market in London is very greedy and this is causing lots os problems. There are loads of young professionals and couples who are willing to share accommodation because they would not be able to afford by themselves otherwise. And even if they could afford, spending so much money on rent is not good. People want to save, travel etc, in London you either spend all of money renting on your own (if you can afford) and then you have no money left at all after bills or you share and you have a bit of a life or savings for being a home later on.
Lots of people still leave with their parents and the flats are full of sharers that can afford to pay only because their jointly income. As they are childless and receive no benefits they are easier to evict and they find new places easily so the LL prefers them.
I haven't ask my ex-MIL yet. It is a possibility, she could agree. I just don't know if I should.
I remember spending the night at her holiday accommodation when exH came to our own accommodation so violent and drunk that daughter and I had to flee bare feet in our nightgowns. ExH's siblings opened the doors to us and let as stay in their beds while they went to spend the night with drunk ExH. Ex-laws didn't even leave their own bedroom and on the following day they pretended nothing ever happened.
Always when I tried to talk to her about ExH's behaviour she dismissed as me being over-reacting etc..They all have the same understanding that I am a f****ing b****c, who 'kicked' poor exH out over nothing...I really don't feel good about having to rely on their help.
If the LLs accepted guarantors from abroad I would have all my family to help me. I know they can't accept this.
I know 2 couples who are my friends and would be suitable to act as guarantors. But this is such a big favour I don't dare asking. If an offer comes naturally during a conversation I will accept. But I can't put people in such a difficult position.
And sometimes I wonder if just allow myself to be homeless and be housed by the authorities is my answer? Is what HP wants for me.
I have no intention to leave London anytime soon and with rents going up by the week and me having no real hope of ever buying a property, being an authority tenant is the only way of securing a long term home. My line of work will never pay me enough and I will never get to the top. It is just how it is.
-- Edited by Luiza on Saturday 7th of February 2015 10:18:16 AM
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
I 'kicked' ExAH out and only one month later the LL decided to 'kick' me out too.
I know it would be awesome to start in a new home, nothing to remind me of exAH, nothing for him to feel 'entitled' to.
But I had literally 1 month break between him moving out and the LL serving me noticeI was slowly putting my stamp on the place, feeling like it was finally HOME and planning so many projects to make the place look 'me'
I also need to ring a way to deal with this guilt I feel about not complying with the LL's demands.
- 1 - There is no way I can comply, I have been trying since before Christmas and there is no where for me to go.
-2 - He dug a hole to himself by not complying with his obligations and not following the regulations. C'mon, he has been in the business for quite a long time now and he hasn't got a clue how the business work.
- 3- It is a professional arrangement. I am keeping my side clean by looking after the place, paying the bills and rent on time. I feel grateful for him letting it to me, of course, but it is business... He has been receiving his money all along, he is not doing me any favours. I know his previous tenants flew from the country owning him rent and leaving bills behind for him to payso he also should be grateful that for all this time I honoured the terms of my contract and will continue to do so, until I find somewhere to go or until I am finally housed by the local authority when he decides to follow the correct procedures.
I need to stop feeling guilt, there is nothing to feel guilt about. But I can't convince myself.
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Luiza I find if I workeds a 4th through 9th step on an issue- then the guilt lifts and I can see clearly wiht acceptance what is the truth of the situatio.
List the issues, your motives, your actions your responsibilities --share it here-- ask HP to lift the fear and trust the process
I don't understand why you would feel "guilty" the LL doesn't seem to feel the least bit "guilty" for his part in all this I may not be using some al anon principle here and I'll accept any redirection that is helpful BUT ....
We do the best we can with the information or tools we have at the time... guilt is a horrible word! Shame is even worse. NO place for those words in my life I hope!!
Conviction and the desire to do better sometime are helpful, but guilt is a word that has no place in my heart!
