coping with change - Al-Anon Family Group

mjferg · Senior Member

coping with change

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

mjferg wrote:
I will do well for a while and then I will slip back into some negative thinking,I get all caught up in stress and trying to fix and change things.I eventually crash and burn, usually resulting in a panic attack.I wish I could just learn to go with the flow and have faith that I am on the right path.Unfortunately I find myself dealing with a very unstable person who shouldn't even be a landlord and I think that is making me angry and contributing to my anxiety,I am finding my tolerance level for sick and nasty people to be zero these days. I think a lot of it is because I know I am faced with another move soon,and that is stressful along with school,I hope it isn't too much.

hey it just takes TIME and PRACTICE...look at what you just left....u think someone who just gets paroled from prison has it easy adjusting??? Nope....when i got my "parole" from AH's, I was lost, had to find me and it wasn't till i got into recovery that i am finding me...who i am..what i want/don't want...will accept/not accept.....practice builds up trust...when you find yourself doing better and better and FEELING better and better (shoulda put feeling first) you will have /build up trust in you and your HP.........detachment might be in order re; landlord...yea, some folks are just JERKS and folks like us who are kinda "pained out" have zero tolerence for negative and bad people.......take it easy on you...you have done a LOT of good stuff to take care of you....i am impressed!!!! its gonna be ok.....breathe.....remind yourself where you were and how far you have walked away from that

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

You've been through multiple losses, Mary, that are very recent. In fact, some of them are graded the highest on stress levels - divorce and moving being two of them. I can't say this will all get better for you soon. My own experience of these types of losses included about 3 years of working through a lot of it. In the first few years, there were times I did experience panic attacks. These were very new for me. Part of those panic reactions had to do with me being way outside of my comfort zone and not being sure the next steps to take. Practicing HALT, talking with my therapist, taking care of my children and finding things to be grateful for each day were all big helps to me. I did what you are choosing to do, too. I removed myself from engaging with a difficult or intimidating person. Emotionally, I'd been through enough. I really had to limit my exposure to people who were overbearing or otherwise threatening until I felt strong enough to stand eyeball to eyeball with them. That took awhile and I got there. I also discovered that just focusing on myself and my responsibilities for the day helped me stop projecting and worrying about the future.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 2nd of February 2015 02:46:21 PM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Mary, I hear you and understand.Al-Anon tools that will really help is to live one moment at a time, one day at a time and refuse to project to the future or dwell in the past.

You have embarked on a new journey and it will take all your Al-Anon tools to keep you from being distracted. Place first things first,(like your health, your serenity, your child, and of course school), detach from the insanity all about you let go and let God.

You are not alone and being gentle with yourself is the most important action you can take.

mjferg · Senior Member

Thanks to everyone.it helps to hear that it is a process and it will get better.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

For me the lesson on "humility"...being "teachable" were great and learning them in the Family Groups where everyone was so supportive resulted in a lot of positive changes. It took me awhile and I hung on and kept walking the walk. ((((hugs)))) smile

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate. I do well and then i dont. Im trying to accept this and walk through it. Its tied in with my perfectionism. I am in recovery and im working at it so i want it to be perfect all the time. It kind of smacks of immaturity on my part, im stamping my feet because its not all going my way. Its another of my shortcomings. I am hopeful though, if i keep at it, meetings, readings, service etc then i will keep moving forward and progressing but its up to me to make it happen. Its a gift but it doesnt come free.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I used to do a lot of reading when I had bad days to stay out of my own head and the stinkin thinkin. I am sending you love and support!

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

I understand very well the emotional rollercoaster you describe. Going through a lot can be really difficult. I am trying really hard to look at all the changes as positive. I hope it all works out and you can find a new place soon. it doesnt sound healthy to live there. One day at a time!

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

The only thing constant is change & it sounds like some of your stressors are like mine were for years. It was mostly situational. I still am facing changes. Have you ever read or seen where divorce & death or towards the top of the list?

andromeda · ~*Service Worker*~

I hear you! I am right there with you, too! A week ago I was thinking that death sounded like a good idea just because I was so overwhelmed and trying to bite off more than I could chew mentally. Also, remember that God won't give you more than you can handle. You are a strong woman and have come so far; just take everything one day at a time!

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