Finally feeling normal today. Happy even.

My parents came over so that step-dad could put up my daughter's trampoline. I didn't ask that they do that but I know that they spent a lot of money on it a year ago and wanted her to be able to use it. They were in friendly moods for the first time in a long, long time. Mother pulled weeds, swept paths, planted some cuttings she had brought over, organised my garage. I let her, she seemed happy. Turned out we were missing some bolts for the trampoline so off stepdad and I went to wander around Bunnings and dream up DIY projects. I don't know what the northern hemisphere equivalent of Bunnings is but think gargantuan hardware supermarket. He showed me an easy way to drive there avoiding the freeway. I aim to go back first thing in the morning lol, I needs to get me a cheap drill and a sander and all of that fun stuff. I feel creative. I need shelving, things need repairing, and I want to start restoring some old furniture again. I haven't had so much creative energy for many years. I am not going to waste time worrying about how the last few months have been or holding grudges. I have my independence back and I aim to treasure it. I think my parents felt more comfortable seeing me in my own home again and getting back on my feet. I know I certainly feel more comfortable this way. Live ad learn and move forward eh? Stepdad fixed the leaking tap. Helped me move the fridge into the laundry so we have a little room in the kitchen. t's a MUCH better set-up but the fridge is now side by side with the gas hot water heater. I worry it could leak gas and the fridge ignite it. This is an irrational fear I think so I am ignoring it.

The house is still a mess of boxes but it is taking shape. It feels good. Mother brought over an old radio for us and it is playing dance music in the kitchen, it's late Saturday night now and daughter has been drawing in her room (which now looks amazing, she has put it together nicely) while I organised the kitchen. This is how I envisioned life in our own home, we went for a drive after parents left to find our local supermarket, ate an easy dinner, now we are each doing our own things in a happy music filled home and it feels really, really good. Michael Douglas is chasing a hacky-sack around the floor, Bowie is guarding the door as he likes to do. Or he just likes tripping people over, one or the other. 

I looked into freecycle at cloudyskies suggestion and in the process also joined a few other local trading networks including one that deals exclusively with second hand school text books for the local schools. 

My parents introduced themselves to our next door (adjoining house) neighbours who were out walking their 4 dogs. They stood around talking about dogs and this n that and afterwards my parents gushed about how nice the neighbours are and how I should absolutely make friends with them. Stepdad also said 'I wonder why they have security cameras and such high fences, the place is like Fort Knox". I had a little giggle to myself. They wouldn't believe me if I told them anyway. 

Anyway I'm grateful tonight. Many things that I wanted so desperately have come to pass. Although it has a few issues, I wanted an older place with big rooms, floorboards, high celilings, a big bath, a yard big enough for a trampoline, near a train station, near daughter's new school. The neighbourhood is a little bit seedy but nothing like the high crime areas I had started to look in out of desperation. The price is good. I have my child and my fur children with me and all are happy and safe. I can walk to the bay and be at the beach any time  like and it's a short drive to the big ocean beaches that I love. I start uni again in 2 weeks, on campus, and I am excited about it. I have some paid employment and also some creative work going on (soap making). I am able to drive and I am happy to be back on my side of town where the roads are wide and not very busy and I can continue gaining confidence at my own pace, venturing a little further each time. A is happy living at his brothers, we are on good terms, I said for a long time that I wanted to try seeing each other but living apart and see if we can make that work or if we drift apart. That is working for right now, I feel very comfortable with it. He has been applying for jobs, he has shaved and cut his hair, he seems quite well. Perhaps he will get a job, perhaps he will start going out when he has money again, meet a new drinking buddy girlfriend to move in with, I can't have my cake and eat it too forever, I will cross that bridge when I come to it. No point projecting. Just for right now, things are working out just as I have been hoping they would and I am grateful for that. Very grateful.

Yay!