The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
C2C January 31 speaks about working the 12 steps once and then discovering that although we have worked the Steps, we are far from perfect and still lapse into self-pity and resentments.
The reading goes on to explain that that a meditation on step six and seven is important so that we can discover that we need to be entirely ready to have God remove our defects of character and we have to humbly ask for them to be removed.
The reading again mentions that many of us worked very diligently to remove our own shortcomings and fail. I know I was diligent about wanting to be free of my shortcomings and I missed the fact that I needed to to let go of my ego , gain a little humility and to accept that I am powerless over my own defects. I must ask God for help!!!.
Once we do surrender and ask for help we are amazed to see many of our defects lifted and replaced my compassion, empathy, understanding, courage and wisdom.
The quote is from the dilemma of the alcoholic marriage:" I accept the fact that I need help in being restored to sanity and that I cannot achieve this without help."
I think that I too thought I could work the steps and superficially ask HP for help and then go about fixing myself. Showing up at meetings using the slogans continually, staying inside my own life and mind and body , monitoring my thoughts and actions were activities that I could do that enabled me to see what I needed to change. Actually changing the attitudes were another story. I had gone to therapy, tried yoga meditation and religion and still my shortcomings remained. This one-page pointed out my erroneous thinking. It was not up to me to remove my shortcomings I needed to rely on HP.
When I look back I see the wisdom of this step. My thinking was so distorted that I believed that my assets like kindness and generosity compassion were my defects and my defenses, like anger and sarcasm my assets. How wrong I was! If it had been left up to me I would've removed my assets and been in a big mess.
Thank you for sharing Betty and taking the topic today. Wow ;) when I first worked the steps I thought I would only work them once. I am still working them again and again. One thing I have been struggling with is now that the focus is off others and on me, knowing what to do with myself. Before when the focus was on me, I would feel afraid and quickly find some unhealthy interest to get the focus off of me. I can no longer injure myself in that way, I have been staying busy, gym , f2f meetings, fellowship, work, etc. Even with all that going on, it feels very quiet inside and I guess I'm a little afraid, because I have never had this. My family of origin was very dramatic. One thing that gives me hope is I can just get through today..one day at a time. I realize I need to just relax, and let God. I still want to do away with my defects. Lol. I notice as one slips away ,another defect pops up to be looked at:) one thing that stood out in the reading is to develop a non judgmental awareness of myself. I am aware, but instead of accepting my defects and realizing I used them as ways to cope in the past, I judge myself , and expect to get rid of the defect myself (lol) by waving a magic wand. I don't just recognize hey there is my old wore out defect...I make it into a huge thing and shame myself. I need to keep praying to my higher power for acceptance of myself as is, and praying for God to help me change and evolve. Thank you for allowing me to share.
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Kara. Having the ability to use a" non-judgmental awareness," of myself and others has been a true gift from HP and this program. I'm glad that you mentioned it and know that I struggled mightily with my negative judgment of myself most of my life
I can also identify with the "quiet within "and puzzling as to what to do now. My sponsor suggested that this is serenity and that I should cherish it and guard it as it was not easy to obtain and is priceless.
Thank you, Betty, for posting the C2C reading today and sharing the progress you have made by working the steps and using the tools of the program with us.
One of the things that took me awhile to get (and I still forget) in this program is that my progress yesterday doesn't matter as much as what I do with today. Just because I made an assets and gratitude list on Friday, worked the 3rd and 11th Step on Friday, did the 10th step before I slept last night doesn't guarantee me that today I'm going to be a wondrous example of how joyous and free I can be because I worked the program yesterday. Ego/the disease can tell me that today I can rest because I worked so hard yesterday to be the best I can be. Reality tells me that thought is full of hot air and I will look and sound that way today if I believe it.
Today, I will work the program. I may not work it perfectly, but I will still plan my day according to Al-Anon suggestions because I have discovered that yesterday is over and the future is not here yet. Only today matters.
Thank you, Betty. I chuckle when I, too, remember thinking my anger was an asset. As I pondered this, I have seen that the progression has been working the steps to living the steps. When I worked the steps, it was like a goal oriented, task like experience with deadlines, etc. I thought once I uncovered those defects, I could check it off of my list and onto the next! My perfectionist was heading the excavation team Then, slowly I saw who really was heading the team.....I like not heading the team, I like resting and letting go...it is a yummy place, most of the time.
i had to giggle at Paula's post, it reminded me of me.....i thought my anger was my best quality ..my strongest point...it would protect me from further pain....make me look "strong" when all it was was my pain....the lid to my grief....i used to over look steps 6-7 b/c i just thought "ok, i know about me, these traits will go away now" NOT!!! I had to own the traits.....tell someone about them, then be willing to change....and then ask my power within to change them and REPLACE the void they leave behind.......oh yea, like steps 6,7 were the "silent" steps, i really didn't come to appreciate till i got deeper in the program......
now i call it "casting the burdens" get ready in my heart and cast those burdens and go free to feel/do what I want to replace them with.....I will be "swapping" the negative for the positive for a long time....my list of survival skills is long.....
as to anger, I feel it more in an appropriate sense now, anger is a sign i need to set a boundary, but to wallow in that anger makes it a negative ....I believe I was given emotions for a good reason, but being so wounded, my emotions got skewed and they ran my life.....I am acting out on my emotions far less then used to be......
progress not perfection enables me to be less hard on me.......
Thank you, Betty
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I know that sometimes it is hard to lose the sarcasm (always an internal response that I keep to myself), especially when I have to detach and diffuse. When I sense AH has been drinking and I remove myself from his line of fire (so to speak) I have a tendency to think to myself (in a sarcastic manner) ... Well this is a fine predicament, why don't you (AH) just have another beer, that will help you for sure!! And then I always chide myself for thinking those thoughts, because I feel that they are self defeating!
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Thanks everyone for your insightful responses. I loved being reminded that it is a "Non Judgmental " look at oru actions and that when we stop" working the step" and begin to really" live them", recovery seems to take off. Powerful thoughts