The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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Good one, Neshema. There was a time in my life when I thought it was my responsibility to find a way to get along with everybody. I learned that some people don't agree. Trying to change their mind was an exercise in codependent futility. Walking away from them or waving goodbye as they walked away from me was/is so much simpler and opens space in my life for people who are right for me and me for them. To live at peace with others can also take the form of saying goodbye to a few people along the way - either because we're not right for each other - or because we're being led by our HP down different paths. Surrendering to how I'm truly thinking and feeling about myself in relationship with another person saves me a whole lot of regression to those old codependent beliefs. We're both worthy people and beloved of our HPs. Its just that we don't make good music together. There is probably a good reason for it and I might never know it. It's better for me just to trust my HP does know the reason and stay open to the path that is mine to walk and bless the other person to walk theirs then to stay stuck in analyzing or asking the question "Why?"
There was a time in my life when I thought it was my responsibility to find a way to get along with everybody. I learned that some people don't agree. Trying to change their mind was an exercise in codependent futility. Walking away from them or waving goodbye as they walked away from me was/is so much simpler and opens space in my life for people who are right for me and me for them.
Yep, I tried to do the same thing (getting along w/everyone) especially at the work place...but even there, I can walk away...detach....kill them with kindness as I maintain my separateness from them......at work it was always harder due to fear of job loss...now i don't act on my fear...if i am doing a good job, i need not worry about being "miss popular"
as to my personal life, i have pretty much eliminated the toxic ones......OR put so much distance that they cannot fire their arrows at me b/c they don't have long range missiles enough to reach me......I was thinkng about my bio sister when i saw this.....yea, i will speak on phone or text w/her OCCASIONALLY and the subject matter is neutral/benign or I exit.....I took my power back via boundaries.....and setting limits on topics and time we talk.....dodging her was not working....now that i am sorta "kind" she isn't texting me all the time...I think I took her challenge away from her by an occasional response that is brief...peaceful...NON personal.......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
It sounds as if you have found the secret at both your workplace and with your sister? Staying true to yourself, not selling yourself short, not believing your fears, and treating those you can't trust completely for whatever reason there might be with courtesy without giving yourself away?
I like this.....as I think about the people in my life, there are still some that are mislead, yet they don't have as much affect on me as they once did.
It sounds as if you have found the secret at both your workplace and with your sister? Staying true to yourself, not selling yourself short, not believing your fears, and treating those you can't trust completely for whatever reason there might be with courtesy without giving yourself away?
Dear ((((C))))) I think with the sister was that i just quit thinkng I had to "run" to protect me....she was not gonna stop texting...my phone provider has blocks that don't work, they expire really at odd and short times, and so I decided "maybe if i quit running...face my old fears....trust in my program...me...hp...I know i an handle this and take the *challenge* away from her....FACE it" and so that is what I did.....
now it seems her "game" has lost its charm b/c i am not running.....her "prey" has turned to face her and with the antlers of the program, I can face her w/out any fear........she is not so sure what to do....I turned the tables on her......I talk IF and WHEN i feel like it (only one call) and I return text IF and WHEN I feel like it (reduced since i quit running)....and of course I can direct the subject matter into safe areas.....I just don't "go there" re: anything personal or controversial......AND , i am true to me in all of this....never to sell me short......kissing and inviting my fears to "come with me" and yea, I can be kind, courteous, and dignified w/out giving me away.......
U really hit on it..........spot on recovery sister.....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I think she was a challenge to my self trust....trust in my program...like to prove to me, show me that I CAN trust in me/ hp/ program.....I don't have to run....I can walk away in other ways....i don't ever share w/her my personal stuff....i won't ever talk about anything deep/emotional wiht her...like real superficial being humane to this soul who has NO clue....someone to feel compassion for in her ignorance and toxicity .......if this makes sense, lol
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
No. You don't have to run. By facing your fears, trusting your HP and you, utilizing program tools, you experienced the strength of standing your ground in a firm yet gentle way. Good work, Rosie. I know this hasn't come easy for you. And you did it! You made a big shift!
