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Post Info TOPIC: In Working Step One


~*Service Worker*~

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In Working Step One


We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable.

When I started working this step, I felt it was pretty easy. I admitted so many times that I was powerless over alcohol. I said it and I believed it. Or, I thought I believed it. Until recently part of me still believed that there was something I could do to make my ah stop drinking. I was working my program, but if I am completely honest with myself, some of what I was doing was for my ah. I was still hiding behind that wall of denial. And, I am learning that denial is a good thing. It protects you until you are ready to accept life as it is. When my wall came down, it was like an earth quake inside me. Everything inside me was exposed.  The denial was no longer there. This confrontation with myself was physically and mentally exhausting.

But when I recovered, I could tell something inside me had changed. My blinders are now off, and I understand the true meaning of surrender. I understand that I am not responsible for my ah. His decisions are his. I understand that it is not my ah's job to make me happy. That's my job. In understanding all of this, I feel I am finally free of the ball and chain that I have drug around with me for so long. I can only explain what I have experienced like this--I feel like I was in a pool but the water was way too deep, so I held on to my life preserver for dear life. I floated in the water wanting to reach the side, but I did not fully trust my HP. So many times he told me to let go, he had me. But my trust was not strong enough. I finally realized that I was going no where, just staying in the middle of the pool and not moving. Something inside me snapped and I let go of the life preserver. I fought the water and flopped, and then realized I wasn't sinking. How absolutely amazing!! If I had only listened to God. I just needed to trust my HP.

I am learning that I need to stay in moment, work MY program for ME, and trust my HP.

It works if you work it.smile

 



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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold  O-on  P-pain E-ends

Linda-



~*Service Worker*~

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Powerful share on Step 1 C.S. I too experienced a life changing moment when I finally "Let Go". I could feel the "Letting Go" deep within and felt as if I was falling through a huge tunnel . Then I experienced a gentle soft cushion under me and thought "my HP has caught me " and placed me on solid ground . That was when I came to believe in the 2nd Step and moved to 3

You are a true Miracle in Progress.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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I could easily let go of my AH when it came to his stuff. It was harder with my son because of the different relationship I had with him. I was very upset one day by yet another crummy development in his life. One of the fellowship said: "Sounds to me like you are working the program more for him in this case then for yourself?" He was right. I felt it. I was grateful for his honest feedback. I let go completely. Doesn't mean I still don't have my down days and it does mean I know in all parts of my being there truly is nothing I can do. His life is truly in his own hands. I felt psychic scissors cut the psychic umbilical cord that was still partially tied to him. When I could do that, I could better see him as a person who was fully capable of handling his own life in his own way and I was free to do the same with mine without guilt, self-recrimination, shame or judgment. When I forget that, my HP reminds me. Glad to see that you were able to truly let go and let God, CS. It is freeing, isn't it?



-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 28th of January 2015 05:21:01 PM

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you Grateful and HR for your shares. You have helped me to understand my own "letting go."smile



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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold  O-on  P-pain E-ends

Linda-



~*Service Worker*~

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And your share has reminded me to do it, too. Thank you as well, cs. Still love your double rainbow avatar.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



~*Service Worker*~

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((((((((((((((((((((Linda))))))))))))))))))

WOW, what a great testimony to the program and yes, denial is necessary till we are strong enough to see what is really IS ......I am glad you realize that, I also want you to know that i really related to your share, not with an AH whom i don't have anymore, but with anyone I have had difficulties....I am POWERLESS over others.....

great share....you go girl!!!



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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 



~*Service Worker*~

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Wow, I can so relate and when I let go and swam away from the sinking titanic I found a beautiful life raft just waiting for me and my destination is anywhere I choose! This has been an amazing journey and I am so glad to be sharing it with you! Sending you love and support on your journey!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."



~*Service Worker*~

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I can relate to your share. My life has certainly become unmanageable. Struggling with the powerless part. I say it and think I accept and believe it then in short order find myself searching for ways to change the situation, say that thing that is going to create that "light bulb" moment and all will be well. My denial is still very strong and maybe cloudy skies I too need it right now to protect me. I am trying to let go at little bit each day, sometimes moment by moment.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Great post cloudy. I think we revisit step 1 often, well i do, everyday. My life becomes unmanageqble at some point every day. Your awareness and willingness to keep going deeper and deeper is inspiring. Its not always easy. It pays off, the better ive got to know myself the happier i am.

Im not a fan of denial, i understand it can protect us but i feel it tricked me, kept me from the truth, denial is my enemy, I can handle the truth, i like the clarity.



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Newbie

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Morning all.
Yeah - what a great thread. And exactly what I needed reminding of this morning... so many nuggets, thank you all for your shares.
I'm a year in now - so a baby in Al-Anon terms - going to meetings regularly, doing service, praying daily, reading my Al-Anon lit (almost) daily and working through the steps. 'Going deeper and deeper' is right, el-cee, although I see it more like the onion analogy - layer after layer. And whether it's because I'm just through the brown peel and my first juicy, stinging layer, or some other reason, I too am finding that regular revisits of the basics - especially steps 1-3 - are what I need to keep progressing. I'm working step 4 at the moment, and I thought I'd 'done' 1-3, but little things that pop up often bring me back to step 1. And I'm grateful that the awareness, the realisations, the truth about my sick thinking, is being revealed to me so gently. I'm not sure I could have handled any more truth than I've been shown along the last year's path. I've woken this morning worried that I'm not progressing 'fast enough', that I'm not acting on things I know HP is showing me I need to act on (which is funny given that earlier this week in a meeting I was reminding myself that there is no timetable attached to the steps and that we all progress as fast as we progress, to HP's timetable.) So yes, I am most definitely powerless over alcohol, and others, and more besides - and my life is still not in danger of winning any awards for manageability!! - but it's better. It's getting better. And so am I.
Thank you all. :)

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PP


~*Service Worker*~

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Yay for you!  I love step one, yet it has been the most difficult....I often say I keep it on my pocket at all times.  I know when I begin to feel really fatigued there is a step one issue somewhere waiting for me to look at.



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Paula



~*Service Worker*~

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That was the bomb CS! Excellent share and beautiful analogy.

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~*Service Worker*~

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GWAG: congrats on your one year. Did you get a coin yet? My sponsor& long distance hugs. She gives me a coin every year& usually a card w/ it with inspirational thoughts & hugs from 60+ miles away. Here's a hug from me!

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Hoot Nanny


~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you all for your responses. It helps to know other people have felt and gone through the same things that I am now experiencing. Like GWAG, I'm still very much a baby when it comes to Al-Anon. I see myself now as just beginning to walk. The freedom of being able to move, even when I fall down, is awesome.

Love you all!!

It works if you work it.



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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold  O-on  P-pain E-ends

Linda-

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