The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
because it does have a chapter for the loved ones of a person with internet addiction. And help me understand the problem.
I'm told that some men, post-stroke, will just shut down. I thin that is what I'm dealing with here. I tried to talk to him about it this way: I just asked him if he'd even thought about what he will do when he gets down to $2000, and there's not enough left to pay the bills? So he said that at that point he will take money out of his 401k and apply for social security.
I think he cannot retire fast enough, as he has not paid any taxes for last year at all, so basically we can consider what he has left to be earmarked for the IRS. He does not think about taking care of things!
In the meantime, I have to make myself try to do something good for me, like try to design my own blog. It seems it's common for the caregivers of stroke survivors to have become the mother for a while, but it's been 2.5 years now.
That's what I'm saying, I have to make myself take care of me first. I'm really stressed about him not getting work, or even trying to, even though he does have another financial option. Right now, we are both still in this together.
I'm saying it's not easy to make myself take care of me first.
-- Edited by zebrafish on Wednesday 28th of January 2015 04:13:57 PM
Are you going to any face to face alanon meetings
For support? It helps a great deal to work on yourself
And settle your own mind. Learn the art of self love,
self care and handing your will over to your HP
I know with my Dad, the more some of my sibs pushed him to do what they wanted him to do, the more it confused him and actually created a desire in him to do the direct opposite of what they wanted. He did have mental difficulties due to his stroke but he also had a deep sense of self respect that he felt my sibs were walking over. They cared about him and were trying to help him and often he didn't see it that way.
I agree with Mirandac that face to face Al-Anon meetings if you haven't been attending might be a good support system for you as you learn to put the focus on yourself as you indicate you'd like to do. Keep coming back here, too.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 28th of January 2015 06:15:32 PM
No, but I do see similarities based on other threads you posted and this one. Decided I'd share my experience of my Dad with you if it might help. I also attended CODA and really liked the meetings. They were a big help to me, too.
Wonderful! Hope it is a big help to you. I had to do a lot of study on stroke patients and also Alzheimer's patients. Dad developed stroke-induced Alzheimers and it was quite an experience for all of us. The more research I could do, the more helpful I could be as a person who loved him without mothering him (much). Strokes are really an outside issue to Al-Anon but I'm not sure that codependency is? I really found that the research together with my 12 step work made a very difficult challenge much easier to accept and to learn how to relate to him after all the brain changes. Not easy. I understand.
I'm not sure why you wouldn't be sure that codependency is an outside issue for Alanon?
He is a stroke survivor with an addiction, and the stroke and the subsequent loss of job
have made it worse. he had it before, but his life was more functional because of having
the job, and other people took care of paying his taxes every paycheck, giving him work
to do, and etc.
Thanks for sharing your experience with dealing with your dad, it helps :).
To answer your question about my not being about codependency being an outside issue: My understanding is that Al-Anon is a program for friends and family members of alcoholics or problem drinkers. Not all people with codependency issues have been affected by alcoholism of a family member or a friend. In our culture though, it is hard to escape being affected by alcoholism in a co-worker, a distant relative, or a neighbor. So, most folks would probably would qualify for the Al-Anon program but that is a decision each person makes for themselves after attending a suggested 6 meetings.
I can certainly relate to the changes in your bf and how difficult those changes can be for the both of you. I'm glad you found this other group for stroke support, too. That makes me happy for you.
