The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about using the tools of the program to help ourselves in recovery and help ourselves stay in the present, not be mired in our past. There is specific mention for ACOA--of whom I am one as well. I have considered how growing up in alcoholism and all it brings has contributed to the life I have had as an adult. What I can offer is that the more program work I do, the more diligent I am with readings, meetings, contact with others--the better I let go of resentments, bitterness, anger and the more I move toward contentment, serenity, and a positive life.
I like that in this reading there are reminders about what we can do for ourselves when we feel stuck or when bad memories or feelings start to take over. HP brought me here to this site and kept bringing me back to the meetings until I really started to listen. I particularly like the line from this reading that says we may not always notice HP's help, but can have faith that it exists. Faith and the strength and support of the program have kept me going one day at a time.
We can walk toward our future, no matter what our past, with heads held high because we are not alone.
On a side note--Hope my fellow Northeasterners are all safe and sound; so far (at 6am EST) we still have power here.
Thank you, Mary. I'm glad you still have power and heat. I'm also glad you're here and have volunteered to do the reading today and share your experience, strength and hope with us. Good stuff here.
One of the questions in the reading that caught my eye has to do with ways to stay in the present when faced with difficult memories of the past. I have noticed that since my Dad's illness and death, my retirement, my son's and sibs' progressive disease and other things that have happened all in one year's time, that old memories have surfaced that are difficult to look at, feel and let go from time to time. Some relationships that have been historic for me have pointed to my need to heal some more - hard as that has been from time to time. It has been necessary for me to call on my HP, a sponsor, a good fellowship friend to talk things over and reason things out. Using various tools from our program that work for me have helped me not get lost in the memories but not to deny them either. The past year has been an exceptionally trying year, but it has also been a year of healing from old stuff by dealing with it thanks to the help of people who understand this disease and how it affects us and using the tools I have learned to set myself free from old stuff that gets in the way of living my life serenely and with integrity. I can't change the past. I can look at what happened, my part in it, and utilize whatever steps and tools of the program that work for me to let go of old buried stuff that no longer serves me well. It can be scary when old memories that I didn't anticipate surface with the feelings those memories generate. I know I am not alone with them. I have the comfort of my HP, the program and program people who care about me to support my effort to let go, let be, let God, let growth.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 27th of January 2015 07:07:52 AM
Hi Mary, thank you for sharing the meditation from H FT. I love being reminded that living in the present is the best way to live and that letting go of the past and refusing to project into the future is a gift I can give myself. I find turning my will over in the third step prayer every morning is an extremely helpful step in this process. Also working the 10th step each evening helps me to clear up issues that surface during the day instead of building mountains of resentment and anger.
The thought that we are all marching towards our future reminded me of e the Sanskrit poem that tells me look to this day for it is life. Yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow only a vision but today well lived will make every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well to this day.
I also can so identify with the fact that HP is there even when I do not acknowledge it. Recently I realized that during the course of my life , even prior to Al-Anon, I was aware of the presence of my HP answering a deeply held desire and prayer. Most of these were issues never verbalized but held deep within my heart. When the solution arrived, without any work on my part, I can remember feeling such a peace and gratitude at the wonder of the universe. But since I did not have Al-Anon tools , I had no understanding of how I could continue to connect with HP and live life .I had already rejected organized religion so I was at a loss. I would then go my merry way into my self-will, ego, pride and forcing solutions and forget all about trusting HP. I tried therapy and counseling and all of these revealed my issues but never gave me the tools that would connect me to my spirituality. A 4th through 9th Step completed once a year and a daily 10th Step keeps me on target.
. Al-Anon gave me the tools to maintain my spiritual connections one day at a time and for that I am eternally grateful. Thank you fro your service Mary.
The snow in NYC has stopped and we are almost dug out. YAY
Thank you Mary, Betty and Catherine ( and anyone else that shares while I am typing this and after). Through the practice of the 12 steps, I am able to be with all memories, yet not be significantly affected by them. The painful ones that surface that had previously been unknown to me, may cause me to lose my footing for a few days, yet, staying with them always results in a deeper knowing and healing. I also have seen that joyful, feel good memories can keep me stuck, if I I let them. Memories of old relationships that were right in the moment may cause a yearning to return, or jobs I once had that I loved at the time may seduce me into thinking...well, maybe.... Old ways of being are comfortable when I am being shoved into new ways of being. If I stay present to what is with me each new day and quietly connect to God' s will in my life, well then "all is well".
Thank you Mary for the topic ;) and everyone else that shared :) I too love that Sanskrit poem. I found the entire poem framed at a thrift a couple of years ago and have it in my living room as a reminder. Great reading. I love the reminder of making calls. When I first started making calls, that was the beginning of me making a lot of progress in the program. I still call, it helps me to be accountable for my behaviors. I have a close friend that reminds me to run everything past the traditions. I like where it said help is available to me in a possibly unexpected form. I do have to be present and aware of that or I may miss the teacher or lesson altogether. I have had a problem with future projection all my life, some days I am able to stay present, others it's a bit of a struggle. There is great freedom in just being in today, but I have a life time of conditioning around the future head, so it's learning a whole new way of living. I also saw In the reading, I have so many choices available. The second paragraph is all about choices ;) different tools I can use to work out my feelings and thoughts today. The choices are unlimited when I use the program as my guide. I love the reminder how it talks about using the program to have a better today. Sometimes I get down thinking I haven't progressed enough(perfectionism) but I realize my today's are a lot more serene than my yesterday's. Thank you for letting me share ;)
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
