((((((((((((((((((((((((( rosie ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( family ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry Rosie....

Sending you a big hug xxxx

Thank you all for the loving responses....she is my niece's age, or very close to it, maybe a bit older......I am sitting here thinking "well is this gonna take out my niece next????"  had to go for a drive, mess around, getting ready to go to pool, to stop projecting about my niece...i raised that kid...took her away from her abusive mother (my bio sister)  i loved her, raised her up w/love and she STILL got into friggin drugs.....she has been in its grip on and off since.....

I don't want to lose her , don't want to project,  she is alive today, but this poor girl is not!!! my son in law, who is my son in my heart (never called him in law) lost his sister,  I texted him to call me any time he needs to...."N" is kind of the "suffer quietly" type....he will talk to me when hes up to it...He is a good guy and sooo hurt by this.......I feel sooo bad for my kids....another funeral, daughter's very very good friend died only a couple of months ago and now this!!!!

she is in alanon and she's working her program.....thank god for alanon

What is so horrible is that these addicts CAN get help, and its FREE.....WTH????  I mean that is how strong the "devil's brew" (my name for drugs and alcohol) is...

Its like it grabs the victim with its dark, gnarled hands and won't let go!!!! some of the addicts/alcoholics  DO fight and try, then so many more  of them just wanna get high and run from the world ...Run from themselves....They run till it kills them.....Something deep in their minds is so troubled to cause so much pain for themselves and everyone around them.....

being around an addict or alcoholic  is like throwing a pebble in a pond...You toss that one little pebble in the water and it creates all these eddies around it...eddies of pain for those lives who are so unfortunate to be a part of it...Near it....so damned sad!!!!!

ohhhhhh I am so so sorry, neshema. So very sad for all of you. If there is any comfort to be found in this, it is that the disease no longer holds her.

my deepest sympathies to you all.

(((neshema)))

Thanks so much, everyone..(((((((((Group))))))))) for your kindness shown to me....Daughter is angry, confused and my poor son is not really talking to anyone yet....he knows I am here....He will reach out when he's ready.....

I hear the anger in my daughter's voice...She didn't understand WHY  would "T" DO this??? I explained to her that it was nothing about any shortcomings re: the family, it was she was in a ball of pain...didn't see anyway, other than what she did, to get out of her pain, it was all about her and how much pain she was in....I also told daughter that normally, one is repugnant about death, fearful, fear of the unknown, will HP forgive them?? etc...so for her to be in so much pain that the pain superseded one's natural fear to end their own life, you know she was hurting

maybe what she did was not to harm herself, but maybe it was the only way she could help her inner child/wounded self to feel safe...to be free of this god awful pain...her burden was too much for her to bear and she knew not that she had a part of the divine within her, strong enough to take this darkness on....But, like so many , if she wasn't connected to all her parts, not even to the divine within, so , essentially,  she was alone......

this is what i shared w/my daughter....

My daughter and son have been through so much this past 12 months or so....one thing after another...Yea, daughter is angry and I understand, I told her to process it, work though it to GET through it...ALL the anger!! Write a letter to HP and tell HP  ALL that she is angry about, just let er rip in a letter to HP, saying I AM MAD and to tell her HP WHY she is so mad.....Get the feelings out....Then we work the Serenity prayer,  detachment exercises, and take extra measures for self care and rest and reaching out to loved ones.....

Thank you all for your kind responses!! It means a lot to me.....

OH get this!!!  My little sponsee who lives with her Alcoholic mom, at their home, just informed me that her mom got loaded and fell down the stairs.....shes on blood thinners and surgery was not an option, and b4 doctors could try to figure out something to help her  she DIED!!!!  Poor sponsee is on her cell phone telling me this and I am like OMG!!!!  is it a bad moon out???  geeez....Her brother and his wife are on their way back to NY from NJ  to deal with this..........Yep...Got drunk and fell down the stairs....So the poor kid I have been sponsoring lost her mom who was trying to , unsuccesfully, stay sober and relapsed again!!!!

So AGAIN, the disease gets ANOTHER one!!!!

May they rest in peace, now...no more addiction...no more hospital visits....No more cravings for a slow death....No more pain for the ones who loved them and fought to try and help them......Much as I hate to say it, death is sometimes, to me, a release....

God give me strength to be there for daughter and son, and also for my little sponsee all of whom are working so hard on their programs ,  may i remember to take care of me , really good care of me, so I am not burned out and useless to these souls who need me......Give me the strength to be loving, supportive and comforting without absorbing all this pain onto my self.......Let my heart be strong, but also let me know when its time to lean on you!!   Thank you Creator, Great Spirit!!!!