The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sometimes people post things that don't particularly sit well with me, so I hit the back button and step away from that particular table. Sometimes a post will get me thinking and I have to take time to process what the post means to me and if I want to do anything about it. Sometimes I will pm a friend for thoughts/guidance and decide in the end not to respond to the troubling post and sometimes after processing my feelings I'll choose to respond. I try to choose my words carefully, it takes me a LONG time to compose even a short reply sometimes - even then, I sometimes say something I wish I'd said better.
I like detachment, cling to it sometimes - that permission or maybe mission to stop, step back, and think before doing anything. Maybe its more than a mission or permission; maybe it should be my motto, I KNOW it's my responsibility - step back, take a breath, take a walk and if thoughts of something are still muddling around in my head, let the brain think, figure out where the upset comes from and why, and, what I want to do about it, if anything.
I practice detachment in a lot of areas of my life, not saying the first thing that comes to mind just because its true; not saying something unless it can be said in a way that helps somehow.
A perfect example has just happened in my life - mom's in the hospital again and going to be on intravenous nutrition while an inside wound heals, mom lives with sis who can be forceful and come across as angry and mean a lot which is not good for mom's morale, and the place belongs on Hoarders. Faced with the next treatment step, a nursing facility vs home care was discussed and I wanted to talk about the filthy mean/angry elephant in the room but didn't of course because that would have upset everyone and not helped anything; so I thought and mentioned a few things to different people - concentrating on the benefits without condemnation - and I think I got my points across without hurting anyone.
I like this side of where I am right now, choosing not to step up to every challenge thrown before me, stepping back and giving things some thought before any action. Practice makes me work to be better at it, I still shoot off my mouth occasionally, but that's why its called practice!
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Dear LMH Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and powerful use of program tools. I was reminded of the alanon tool of Do not React but Respond --- What a powerful example you have presented.
It reminds me of my own experience in relationship to my FOO and my Dad when he was suddenly hospitalized at this time last year and then declined. One of my brothers and I disagreed about my Dad's care. He reacted outwardly. I reacted inwardly. Fortunately, I had a sponsor to process things with and could recognize that my job was simply to love my Dad in ways that he and I had established together. The ways my huge family reacted or responded was about them and on them. My Dad just wanted us to get along. He wanted peace. It was his call. It was his time. I can remember promising him to do my part to give him what he wanted and extended my hand over his bed to my brother who was reluctant to touch mine, but he did. Then, he said to my Dad what was true: We all love you, Dad, but we come to it in different ways. I loved my brother so much in that moment because I recognized how pride can come into a stressful situation and how difficult it is to let that go and the courage it takes to drop all that has happened in the past, regroup, and try again to love and be loved unconditionally. I understood it because I have allowed it to happen in me at various stages in my growth process and I know how hard it is to face the pride in myself and admit, I've allowed it to step up to the plate in me again.
You and your family are in my prayers, LMH. I know from experience how hard these times in our FOO can be. My loving support is with you.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 15th of January 2015 11:42:54 AM
