The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was going through taking screen shots of text messages (evidence) this afternoon. It's amazing to me that declarations of forever "love" and "waiting as long as it takes" lasted, as long as it took to send the message.
Realistically I know and understand that my marriage was awful. Not all the time but the pattern of short spurts of ok followed by longer times of chaos was easy to see when I looked back on it.
I also realize this, I need Al-Anon. I married the culmination of the worst of my previous boyfriends when I got married. I realize that even now 24 days from filing for divorce I still need to make sure I faithfully attend my meeting.
Currently I'm working through my frustration at myself because I was dumb enough to marry such a jerk! Beating myself up over the choice I made is counterproductive I realize.
Hello Jackie, in reading your share it is apparent that you have worked very hard in attempting to salvage your marriage. Working the steps and keeping the focus on yourself it is apparent that the best choice was to separate and divorce.
Please remember that beating yourself up is not a program tool. :) The best we can do is to learn from each situation, gaining the experience that HP wants us to have and move on.
I'm glad you are intending on coming back. I missed you.
I've wandered in and out of program at times, Jackie. I understand. I've always returned, too. It is true what is said in the preamble: "You might not like all of us but you'll love us a very special way, the same way we love you." Who can stay away from so much love? Divorce is difficult to work through and we do and you will. Being gentle with yourself helps as does knowing that you did the best you could until you knew a better way. You're growing. That's enough.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 12th of January 2015 06:04:33 PM
((((Jackie)))) welcome home!! Great share and I relate cause that is what I have to do also. The message of commitment for you is right on and thanks for passing it on. I love Hotrod's "Please remember that beating yourself up is not a program tool. :)"I will take that one with me too. Beating myself up was evidence of my being stuck in perfectionism and when I was able to let that go entirely I got human. You're going thru the self tough love period as I came to understand and that is a recovery tool. Grateful's reminder of "...the way we already love you." means the door is always open and the light is always on. Good to see you posting. (((((hugs)))))
Thank you all :) yes beating myself up is certainly not one of the tools in my al-anon tool box! I am finally on step 8 with my sponsor I was stuck at step 4 for a really long time and 3 1/2 years into my program I am going to finally finish my steps the first time :) I'm thankful for the board bc here lately when I catch myself spiraling at work I take a quick break and check in.
