The fear hook....False Evidence Appearing Real - Al-Anon Family Group

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

The fear hook....False Evidence Appearing Real

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

(c: you are very wise. see how intune you are!?

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks Debilyn ... I am getting it slowly lol I really have to slow down my mind. The thoughts are so automatic that I don't even catch them sometimes.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

So wise to see that your son doesn't need to be put in a position where he feels as if he has to choose one parent over the other. No matter what the A does, this isn't a competition as to who is the better parent and you see that now while he is young and you are conscious of the damage that unconscious attitude on a parent's part can do to the child. I love that you are so aware and awake to knowing your son can love both his parents who also love him - albeit in different ways.

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

I remember how fearful I was when my ex would say those same words. I was so sure she would choose to go where there was more money and holidays and material things. I don't know why I feared it so much; she's never shown any desire to leave me and live with her father but I spent a lot of time making myself miserable thinking about it.
I did pay attention to people who told me that the fastest way to hurt and alienate my child was to try to keep her from her father or to speak negatively about him in her presence. So like you I was very encouraging and positive about their spending time together. I think it is an excellent way to go.
Good choice of title, it is crazy what we can create out of fear.
Hugs!!!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Good memo to self Truth Love your growth

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you all for the support!!! I am getting it slowly ... I also got that the boundary I set is ok. I set it in line with my values. Now I understand checking my motive so I won't check and re-check and fret. It helped when Jerry said I treat others as I would treat myself. I visualized me talking to me about the behavior. I would say no to me. Then I had to emotionally detach to see why the feeling was there .... (After a few hours of beating myself up) .... I will work on that lol Slowed my mind down ( the next day) and there was the thought. The thought was causing the feeling... It was fear. I am just writing this out because the "tools" will be become more natural if I think how I did it

Progress not Perfection ... ((((Hugs))) MIP Family

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

As I wrote that out, I just realized what took I was not using in those three hours....Letting Go

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

The fear hook...perfect...!! that is how I got the picture myself. Using visualization (seeing the picture for what it is) is also what I do...See the picture.

I used to get angry and feel so depressed and disrespected when I was asked as a youngster after not "understanding" as early as the teacher (who ever) thought I should, "What do I have to do....draw you a picture". In Al-Anon I learned to reply..."Well hell yah you do...have a problem with that"? LOL ((((Hugs)))) Mahalo Truth and the rest of you artists. wink

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

Haha ... Yup draw me a picture....I would get it faster

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.