The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Dear All: I have followed through with listening, talking things over with my sponsor and paying attention to what all of you have said.
At this point, this is what I've realized - I left the process before it came to a conclusion. I'm sorry I didn't just wait but, yes, Cathy (you smart woman you), I couldn't resist checking back in.
What I have said about group e-mails behind the scenes is still true for me. I'm very uncomfortable with it for the reasons given. I'm also uncomfortable with taking my ball and going home since I do believe what Mary says is true - this is a healing place for people for the most part.
So, at this point, this is what I think. I don't like group e-mails. I believe they are in violation of traditions and can lead to harm. So, instead of leaving the board which really isn't the best thing for me to do at present, I want you all to know that I love you, I believe in you and I won't participate in group e-mails for the reasons stated. I will continue to be present to you in love and concern and I will recognize that everybody here - according to Betty and I trust her leadership - are free to choose how they will relate with one another. That really isn't my business. My business is - as Andromeda states - to be true to myself. I don't have to leave the board at this point to do it. I'm just glad to know that we are now aware that group pms are possible here.
I do hope that my decision to return won't be another upset to you. Many of you have made it difficult for me to stay with last night's decision and my sponsor - God love her - just made too much sense. I left prematurely. I see that now. There was another way to handle it that I didn't see until today. Next time I'm upset about something I will present the issue as I see it openly and ask if we might be able to have a group conscience meeting about it rather than to withdraw.
MY sponsor asked me to examine....step back....check motives.......SEE how i feel on whats really on my plate, NOT my fearful inner child, remembering the past....
that said, I still am uncomfortable thinking we need a back ground caucus to see "what can we do MORE to help this person" when it really means interferring w/their surrender to the program...
AND as i stated....what if i post a controversial post?? i do that...I am open and totally w/out fake or bulls***....i am open b/c I want to recover......what if a few take issue w/my struggle is there going to be a back ground examination of MY inventory???? OR will it be ALL open on the board, their ESH to me???
My sponsor told me to think about this...examine my motives.....work my tools on it....and if i don't feel comfortable , then i have to see is this gonna help me grow????
I am going to take a look see attitude on this.....sponsor told me I have other means of esh/support....she advised me to observe and think about it.....
I am controversial to say the least....i say what i mean, mean what i say and I try to say it NOT mean, but sometimes i am abrupt....i call a spade a spade and i will not enable, coddle, stroke anyone....I give my esh then i let it sink in or be rejected, not my business as long as i stayed within the alanon principles.......i detach out of respect for them as respecting their right to learn their own lessons....
I am so so glad u decided to come back.....I have to "do a chat with me and my higher parent" to see what is my best approach......SAFETY comes first with me.....
I posted underneath your other post, what happend to letting another learn their OWN lessons...walk their OWN path....we are but fellow travellors, giving ESH, support, love, encouragment which SOMETIMES means detaching and letting them learn their own lessons...
don't we do that with the A's and druggies???? esh them....offer encouragement......THEN detach and hope they surrender to program...if there is no sign of surrendering to program, then they are either wanting enabling OR not ready yet....where did those rules change????
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I felt TERRIBLE you leaving unless it was the best thing for you.....
now i gotta look at whats best for me......i just dn't want to do a real provocative post like my agnostic one and others and have a bunch of others working my inventory behind my back, yea, they may mean well, but I want their esh out in the open or it won't work for me......
G2B, the process is very good to see (never mind the results!). Thank you for bringing it here. I grow with each demonstration of applying the principles in all our affairs, no matter how long I'm around and how long I mean to apply them in all my own affairs.
AGAIN....Thank you Catherine for bringing this out in the open......being honest , open, and wiling is part of the slogan "HOW" that slogan is there for a reason....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Rosie: I understand and can relate to everything you are saying. I also believe that your experience/hope/strength and your growth has been like a light that shines. I am grateful to you for demonstrating how the program has worked for you and I don't think any of us haven't had our sideways times. I know mine was yesterday at least in the leaving the board and not staying with the process. I'm sorry.
Jill: I am feeling a bit sheepish and I am willing to admit that I'm still learning, too. I'm older, been in program a long time, and still keep learning things that I need to know and new ways to handle old issues for me. Thank you for letting me be a person who is not perfect but is learning right along with the rest of us.
Dear Grateful, I'm glad you are deciding to stay - leaving here, for me, would be like cutting off my nose to spite my face - I get too much good out of what I read here and I really like the saying "take what you like and leave the rest".
I wasn't part of any group private email thing and had to go read through your posts to figure out what I'd missed! Glad you are staying!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Thank you, lmh. I wasn't leaving in a huff. I just didn't realize there was a different way to handle it that I didn't know. It's hard to admit one is 66 years old and still learning and I'm 66 years old and still learning. (((LMH))) Still love that avatar of yours.
Ha one of the things I learned later in life was that age don't matter when it comes to higher learning! Every time I think I know it all.......something happens to show me I don't.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
It is a process for all of us. I don't believe any long term harm was done, there was no malice anywhere that I could see in the pm or responses. Maybe private group pms will occur, maybe they wont. I don't care if any are about me anyway...at my age maybe I want to create some lively controversy Makes me feel "interesting" tee hee
With any conversation, it is hard to know the positive rippled effects. Perhaps this will stop some from participating in conversations at the expense of or excluding others...who knows? This is all orchestrated by a power greater than our collective selves, and I have to say we are pretty darn awesome...just sayin".
I agree, Paula, and once again - another new avatar. When you accept a challenge - you mean it. I love the blues and purples threaded with gold in this painting. Title?
Dear Catherine, I too am so pleased with your decision.
I love the fact that program has taught me that I have the right to "Change my mind" . In my FOO that was not possible.If you took a stand when you were 5 years old that is what was remembered forever and you could not change!!!. The truth is that new information is always coming in and if we have an open mind we will be constantly reevaluating our decisions..
Al-Anon is a spiritual program and I would just like to say that we are walking on dangerous territory if we begin to attempt to help others financially. We open the board up to new members that might come upon the site and believe that they can come here, present a sad tale and we might be able to help them. This would be misleading to the newcomer and destructive to the message board.
Since Al-Anon is a spiritual program we must emphasizes Al-Anon tools and principles. The basic spiritual principle is that there is a Higher Power, who will guide our lives when we place our trust and faith in that Power. We aren't mind readers nor are we capable of understanding what is the best solution to the problem at hand. The best we can do is to offer compassion , empathy , respect and program tools so that each of us will have the courage to go inward and trust the guidance that we find.
I like the idea that if anyone is disturbed by something that they feel is going on with the board , asking for a group conscience on the issue would be perfectly acceptable.
Thank you, Betty, first for the laugh - making a decision at 5 that you had to maintain the rest of your life. Haaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaahaaaaa.
Secondly for the program share that I love to read and re-read to commit all the wisdom to memory so that it is second nature.
Third for letting us know that it is appropriate to ask for a group conscience on an issue on the board.
Fourth for the reminder that all of this is and has been a process from which we can all learn.
Fifth - the welcome back. How could I help but return? There were a few burning lights in the window. I admit it. I'm attracted to warmth and to light and to people who are working together for the good of the whole by working our own programs. As I said, I am sorry for the way I left the board, but I'm a day older now and can see a better way. (((B)))
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((C))))))))))))))))))))))))) I was already getting sick of dancing by myself and its been only 12 hours....well that is about when withdrawal symptoms kick in , I hear..........prefer to step on your toes, not mine...LOL......welcome back
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
LOL!!!!! Rosie, Rosie, Rosie. Well, I'm wearin' steel-toed boots now that I know you'd prefer to step on my toes - rather than yours. My partner last Friday wanted to take off her shoes because they were killing her feet. Then, she decided not to when she noticed what I was wearing and how often I stumbled. She was one wise woman. So are you.
LOL!!!!! Rosie, Rosie, Rosie. Well, I'm wearin' steel-toed boots now that I know you'd prefer to step on my toes - rather than yours. My partner last Friday wanted to take off her shoes because they were killing her feet. Then, she decided not to when she noticed what I was wearing and how often I stumbled. She was one wise woman. So are you.
yea, lets go boogie!!!!! SO glad you are back.....my withdrawal symptoms are GONE....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Well, how could anybody really walk away from you all long term, Andromeda? After all - we are all in this together. I can't think of a soul who hasn't added something good to my life in their sharing of their own realities. And if we really are working the program, as I learned yet again, we've come a long way and we still have a ways to go. (((B))) Are you feeling better? I'm really concerned for both you and Cathy. This flu bug going around is nasty!
I am happy to hear about your decision and hoped you would rethink it. Glad you are staying, after all you are family to me! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thank you, BF. Lots of wisdom came through the posts last night and talking it through my sponsor helped me see the part that was mine to change. Thanks for being part of the wisdom I read and heard last night and being so gracious now, too. Isn't it amazing how we can be family with one another and never, ever met each other? (((BF)))
Yes, I did come back, a little sheepishly I still make mistakes after all these years and you are gracious, (((Serenity.)))
I think sheep are cute, fuzzy , cuddly little creatures........wish i could wear clothes made out of wool....I can if i clip my finger nails..........and oh yea, mistakes...the proof that we are DOING something, TRYING something even if we are wrong or just acting hasty, we learn......its only sad when we don't see it and own it and learn from it.....none of those apply to you, dear Catherine xoxo
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
i think as we age, gracefully, of course, being stubborn is just too tiring, now i pick my battles...what do i really "dig in" about and what I will negotiate.......HUGSSSSS
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Not upsetting to me. I'm glad the posts have been deleted and you just need to remember to that if you do get another PM I would respond there and let it go. As you know as well as I know you will NEVER change everyone into your thinking.....but you sure as hell is real, that you will continue to take care of you and help ( ESH ) the sick and so much misery out there.
Hey you were a big part of my recovery and for to leave me would just suck and I would be way to sad. Yeah I could reach out to you outside of MIP but you know..it's just not the same. I need to see everything not just one thing...
Got it....Good....Let's go and make this board the best board ever!!!
((((C)))) yep we have the same hug
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Oh My! I don't have a clue about what has been happening, haven't been participating here for a while but I am glad you are staying, please don't go anywhere.
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Okay not great. I am in a valley right now. This has been a real emotional rollercoaster
During this phase of the divorce. I was doing so well! Not so during The month
of december. Rage came back to visit for that month now i need To let it go and
to really forgive ah again to move forward. The forgiveness is so hard when they
Are hurting you.
God is holding my hand and he has my will but i still need to work thru the pain
and hurt. I Ordered my 4th step workbook and my own copy of paths. I hope that
Will help get me out of my funk. I need to get my ah out of my head,heart and soul.
He was such a big part of me i feel an empty space inside. I keep doing the next best
thing,One thing at a time, dont project or worry about the future. I follow Gods plans
And do my part. Other than that i dont expect much more out of myself. I am being
Gentle and kind to myself.
It took me about 3 years to do that, which I've probably said to you in another post, so I am glad you aren't expecting much more out of yourself than working your program and being gentle and kind with yourself. This is still a very major shift for you after a very long time of being married. I understand that empty feeling, too, but I didn't recognize it as quickly as you. I did spend a lot of time working out my divorce anger with exercise, beating on pillows in my bedroom when my kids couldn't see, and yelling at God from time to time when I was alone in my car. In fact, if I remember correctly - I said a lot to the God of my understanding at that time. I think my HP would probably have been the only contact I had who could listen to me for hours if need be. Usually, it was really only about 10 to 20 minutes of ranting and then I'd get quiet and something always seemed to change in me but I could never explain it. I just always found myself more peaceful after saying exactly what was on my mind - and it wasn't always nice - to my HP. I always felt understood and that I couldn't explain either. Now, I might rant when things are really tough about 1 minute or two - again because I know I'm heard and I know I'm understood.
It is a process for all of us. I don't believe any long term harm was done, there was no malice anywhere that I could see in the pm or responses. Maybe private group pms will occur, maybe they wont. I don't care if any are about me anyway...at my age maybe I want to create some lively controversy
Makes me feel "interesting" tee hee
I still make mistakes after all these years and you are gracious, (((Serenity.)))