Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> How Do You Trust God When He Has Put An Alcoholic in Your Life?
Post Info TOPIC: How Do You Trust God When He Has Put An Alcoholic in Your Life?
pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:
RE: How Do You Trust God When He Has Put An Alcoholic in Your Life?
Permalink  

ohno wrote:

Because this alcoholic is my grandson - one I cherished and devoted 22 years to - It feels like a punishment I don't deserve. That's probably a remnant of Catholicism - I do believe in reincarnation and karma, so even though I was good to him for so many years, perhaps I had a sneaking karma that is manifesting now (in other words, I do "deserve" what is happening to me now) . . . I can't escape the pain of his alcoholism - that feels like a trap.

The genesis of this thread was the question about how people trust in God - just what exactly are they trusting God to do and how do they realize what they think or know is being done.

Maybe the question is about letting go - how do you let go and trust when the evidence appears extremely disturbing. Maybe that is the question.

I have to find a way to understand this for myself - obviously - otherwise, I will continue suffering.

I am not a stranger to the 12 Steps, so this is not a beginner's question, although, I am now a beginner again.

I don't want to accept that in my old age I am going to have to work hard at this - that is one of the obstacles of which I am aware - just don't wanna do it. "Girls just want to have fun," as I told my sponsor.

In the Abraham Hicks material they talk about doing a process called "Wouldn't it be nice," when you imagine the best to raise your vibration.

I can't live in constant worry. Just need some practical day-to-day tools.

Going to an open AA meeting tonight where I am told there is a lot of recovery.

The Alanon parent's meeting I attended recently was beyond tragic. I just don't feel like hanging out in that energy is helpful. I felt super bad and started worrying, and future tripping based on the sad stories I heard.

David Hawkins. M.D. (Power vs. Force) said AA meeting energy is high - I don't think the Alanon energy is as a high, because people are living "in the problem," as opposed to the solution - or maybe not a lot of people with recovery spoke that evening, not sure.



-- Edited by ohno on Tuesday 6th of January 2015 01:15:20 PM

 I think this is the post where the problem originates.  You said you needed to practice tools.  The tools are in alanon, but later you crapped on alanon.  The answer is probably to find an alanon meeting where you identify or to work harder to identify in the meetings where you are struggling.  You don't want to feel bad, but avoiding the things that make you upset in favor of "feel good" practices may be simply avoiding what you need to work on.  You also started this post with a negative vibe about not trusting God and then flipped into all this spiritual talk which was contradictory to your original point.  You made another post on a different thread suggesting you were worse off than anyone because your qualifiers were your kid and grandkid and not your spouse. So...basically, I hear you doing all the things that bother you and then stating you don't like it when you encounter it in others.  You are no different than anyone else in alanon.   I can hear you struggling and complaining and dealing with the same problems that all of us have dealt with who have qualifiers.  Either you stick around and face your issues, or you get offended and dance around them.  Just be cognizant that this is an alanon forum so when you trash alanon meetings and make statements that the energy is bad there, you are talking about a program that saved the lives of many of the people here.  I hope you stick around but remember who your audience here is.

It's not that you brought up any 'forbidden topic."  All those topics are fine in the context of actually working the steps, going to meetings, having an alanon sponsor.  It is not good for the board to have the discussions and then make comments that your issues are better addressed in other programs.  If that is the case...just go to the other programs (although I think alanon is where you belong).



__________________
PP


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3964
Date:
Permalink  

Ok, my head is spinning.  I am familiar with all of the sources you have quoted, having worked in the field of energy medicine for many years.  What I have observed over the years is an ease with many to hang out in the ethers and not come down to earth.  It is disconnecting and scattering when that happens.  Al anon keeps me grounded in the earth, so I can maintain a solid footing, so,when I do begin to float around, I don't get lost.  It is all good and there is nowhere where HP is not....ethers and al anon.  For me hanging out in the ether keeps me in my head ( a scary place, sometimessmile), hanging out with my all anon peeps keeps me in my heart...I need both to walk around in this world.



__________________

Paula
Truth


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 934
Date:
Permalink  

Paula .... I second that Alanon is very grounding

__________________
PP


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3964
Date:
Permalink  

smile



__________________

Paula
astallaslions


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 27
Date:
Permalink  

Thank you for the honest post. I have been having these same feelings myself. I kicked my A out of our shared apartment and ended the relationship 6 months ago, and I was utterly heart broken. I still am. I am having one of those nights when all I want is to call him and reach out. I want to reach out to a person who hurt me the most, the person who exploited the innocence of first lovewhile it may have been unintentionally, or rather under the influence of a drug and disease.I still can't understand why God chose this person to be my first serious relationship. I have a lot of anger. As I have these moments of utter doubt, and want nothing more than to call him and tell him how much I love and miss him, I want to know why did you do this to me, god. Why do you continue to make this so difficult. I felt the same way when my father died from lung cancer. Why did he have to feel so much pain. My father was no innocent man. He, like any human, had a life full of misgivings and transgressions, but none worthy, of the end he met. I suppose the thing i have to hold to, is that God is not the reason for this. Life is fucked. God is the ally to get us through it. I'm a musician, and music, is the closest thing I can claim to a HP, and in those moments of defeat and sorrow, it is the songs that gets me through. It is the connection to everyone that I feel through music that help me forgive myself for letting it go on for so long, to somehow forgive him, forgive god, to move through the awfulness. Don't get me wrong, I am still so angry, but when I can lose myself in music, it reminds me that I am not alone and that there is hope. I hope u can find something that eases the pain and doubt. 



__________________
tortuga


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 399
Date:
Permalink  

Hello everyone,
Interesting discussion. If you don't mind I would like to join in and share my experience.
My understanding of God has been completely distorted by education. We grow up being taught that God is this super high competent Figure, possibly male, some presence out there that can fix things, sees things, and judges things. So we grow up in fear and expectation of course, because he is some kind of father figure.
Well today I understand things differently, luckily. i am definitely spiritual, but my definition of God changed drastically.
The problem with a classic God is, that there is always somebody else to blame, and soembody else who takes the focus off of me. We can make him rsponsible , we can pray to him for enlightenment or salvation.....and life shows, IT SIMPLY doesnt work that way.
Having studied several religious philosophies I came to the understanding that God is that energy in us, in each and everyone of us, that makes us go forward. Its positive energy....so i understood that there are things coming my way, or I'm attracted unconsciously to some challenges, for everry challenge is in fact an opportunity to learn and grow.
Believe me , I lost a lost in the encounter with my As.... And I cursed the whole world, and I lost faith at some time....becaus eI didn't understand GOD.... Because i didn't understand myself.we have a saying in my language 'this is a child or person abandoned by god'. See , that's actually a person, like the A, or like the co-deüendent for that matter who has lost contact with his inner core, his Self....not loving myself makes others also disrespect me. When I loose touch with my own energy, well the world around me starts becoming chaos.... But then, of I study and spend time with myself, and know deep down who and what and why I am (>>> call it meditating, call it praying, call it going and finding within....all same) than things will still be happening in my surrounding of course, but they can't disrupt or even dismantle the connection I have with my GOD.... For i am balanced inside, for i'm standing straight, for i love myself enough. And yes that is a hard lesson to learn but its worthwile knowing that God...nobody can give IT to you, nobody can lecture you about IT, nobody can question or judge you about It...this is your GoD.
Today I am thankful to my A and the events that happened probably had to happen for me to wale up and get started on that journey within...taking responsibility for every little thing that happened... Because i actually have choices. Not about everything outside....but on what is in my actions, positions, ractions...and thats what the tools of Al Anon are...they can help solidifying the steps that you need to do in order to reconnect with God, HP, YOURSELF....which is pure love and authenticity.
Don't give up and have the courage to look at things some different ways.... Turn things around....some horrible events might just be opportunities, chances in disguise.
Find GoD, be god, and life might turn around....there is noone else doing this job for me, not my mum, not my A, mot my teacher, no god outside, no special saviour.
Keep walking, step by step. You are beautiful!


__________________
grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7576
Date:
Permalink  

Tortuga!!!!!!! Welcome back. So good to hear from you at such a different place and with so much to share. I agree. We are beautiful as are you.

__________________

"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
neshema2


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3281
Date:
Permalink  

astallaslions wrote:

why God chose this person to be my first serious relationship. I have a lot of anger. As I have these moments of utter doubt, and want nothing more than to call him and tell him how much I love and miss him, I want to know why did you do this to me, god. Why do you continue to make this so difficult. I felt the same way when my father died from lung cancer. Why did he have to feel so much pain.

 God did not choose this person, HE chose to drink.....you chose to let him into your life....and/or when you saw his problems, you had the option to stay or leave......and you still want to reach out to him.....God will not interfere in our choices.....we choose....God allows us to benefit or learn from our choices...i used to blame god for my bad parents....my abuser has a choice....give over his evil desires....or act upon them...he acted upon them....i hated god for decades...now i see that , no , he/she did not rescue me, a child, dunno why, but he didn't send a predator to me....we are here in the parlor of the dark forces who do destruction...why no more protection??? don't know...i just know god does NOT visit negative /evil on us.....



__________________

Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 
grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7576
Date:
Permalink  

astallaslions: I didn't see your post because it is at another person's thread. I certainly understand the doubt and pain that we experience when our loved ones are going through hard times and we are, too. Meetings, literature, working with my sponsor and being with others going through these hard times has helped me so much. Perhaps that will all help you, too?

__________________

"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
«First  <  1 2 3 | Page of 3  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> How Do You Trust God When He Has Put An Alcoholic in Your Life?