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I am lying in bed..its Christmas and i just ate a BUNCH of food, polished off 2 butterfingers and i am lying in bed, I've spoken to all my family members and the phone rings..(my cell) I didn't look and just answered the call....maybe it was one who is catching me late, (gee i thought I either initiated or received the calls i would expect)
its my bio SISTER....Yes, the one I recently posted about ...the Drama queen, the toxic terror......OK I am caught....She says to me "I was gonna text you, but thought no, this is Christmas and the Christian thing to do is make that call, so I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas"
I almost laughed at the "christian thing to do" but I did not...What the heck, it is Christmas, lets be peaceful and kind
and funny!!!! I was NO nervous, NOT triggered...I was TOTALLY detached...Like it was the neighbor calling......AND, to boot, we had a GREAT chat.....Nothing about the past (I would have diverted the convo away from that) it was all chat about horses (we both are passionate about horses) we chatted about a BUNCH of stuff....I found myself actually having a bit of fun with this.......
the chat lasted at least an hour...My phone battery was on 24% when we got done and that was after I put it on charger, talking w/her to add a bit of energy....
Yea, it was actually interesting and fun chat....I do not want to make a habit of this, I do not intend to "let her back in" I had her blocked but verizon, I have to keep renewing the block or it expires...Anyway, I guess it was my inner best within me letting me see that "HAY, you CAN chat and be totally detached, you kept your power, didn't go in topics that would invite any jabs or hostilities....seeeee, Neshema, you can DETACH" So I am taking this as a "needed to happen" thingy to show me that I AM OVER THEM!!!! I own my power, not any of them......My life and my feelings and my actions are in MY HANDS, not anyone elses.....
yea, it was an interesting conversation to say the least, lol...i did also notice something else.....I notice that when i talk w/my adopted and beloved sisters I am more "affectionate-loving" if you can do that on the phone, but with this lady, I was kind, enjoying the "current events chit chat" and enjoyed sharing about our mutual love, the horses, but I was not invested of my emotions...I did not share anythng "deep" about me...Didn't even THINK of it....no mention of my personal life, not really!!!!! I kept it casual.....
I think I am growing up......This was a milestone....I dont' have to run, I can face my former tormenters b/c that is what they are----Former....I can face them and not be even the slightest affected by them....AND even have a fun chit chat.....and may it be only once in a while, LOL........Now that is a GOOD thing.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
hey Grateful, Betty, Cathy, el-cee, and Paula thanks so much for the replies...
yea, I was having fun, but no emotions invested...it was like chatting over the fence w/a neighbor and your engaged in some stimulating conversation.....nothing personal or in anyway looking like intimacy (in to me see) naaaw that is for my family of choice, but what the heck....I discovered that yea, i am detached/distanced, but i am not holding any more ill will, revenge, or resentments......i am over it/them......I like how i felt.....I also am enjoying my vaca....cold snap coming in, maybe some freezing rain on NY eve.....will take it as it comes...I hear my heater going off today here and there so yea, its gonna be a cold spell coming........
hope all of you are warm and safe and feeling good.......xo
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
You heard the heater and a cold spell is coming. My furnace has been on since September. Ah, to live where it stays warm for more months in the year than not. Lucky you!!!!!
You heard the heater and a cold spell is coming. My furnace has been on since September. Ah, to live where it stays warm for more months in the year than not. Lucky you!!!!!
YIKES!!! September??? I used to live in cold country, but not since like forever....like mid 70's was the last "cold country living" for me...then it was CA, then back to my roots, OK, no work there so TX here I came with Ex #2 and all our stuff...that was in 1992, so i guess i am an Okie, Texan transplant....it can get cold here, nasty storms and such, but it never lingers, we get nice breaks...I think it was Friday, i saw folks in shortsleeves and shorts....I had my work out pants, bathing suit underneath as i headed for gym and i work a hoodie over a light sweatshirt.....i was a bit warm.......stay warm, my friend.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Good share ......good for you and good lesson for all of us. We can detach can't we. We can let go with love and kindness
((( hugs )))
(((Cathy))) you've done such a great job, letting go of your son's problems, loving him, yet keeping a safe distance.....its tough hey?? but you are doing such a great job...Just wanted to tell you that...
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Letting go of the past to make room for the present...wonderful
you know, Paula, there was absolutely no ill will, resentment for her...I figure what karma she has to pay is between her and her creator....NOT my business or problem.....I can keep my distance, stay away from the drama and still be a human being AND we do have a mutual love for horses...I remember when I was 2 years old, she grabbed me, put me on the back of a horse, only a bridle on (indians don't do it any other way) and that is how i learned to ride...I became even better then my teacher, LOL....but thats ok....it was fun talking horses with her...IF she calls again, AGAIN, i will keep the topic on horses or current events....Nothing else...I don't wanna hear about so and so's issues or inventory, keep it on "clean" stuff.......thats if she calls again, lol...knowing her, she may at some time, again, but I am growing up now in alanon....I think i can handle it....Daughter #2 and her antics showed me that I CAN live and live more healthy.....HUGS
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
You heard the heater and a cold spell is coming. My furnace has been on since September. Ah, to live where it stays warm for more months in the year than not. Lucky you!!!!!