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So, ive got the whole family and partners coming tomorrow. Both son, with problem and daughter without problem, want to bring alcohol. I said i would think about it. They are both bringing there partners and part of me wants to play at being normal,people unaffected people and we can all sit with a glass of wine pretending. The other part of me thinks, yeah right, who are we kidding. i want to enforce my will, its my house, my rules. I dont want anyone drinking in my house on christmas day, later, they can do what they want.
Anyway, im questioning my motives, is this me trying to control? Would this make a big deal out of it, would this keep it a taboo and keep it alive, would this make people feel guilty, bring up old memories? Your thoughts would be appreciated.x
It is your home you get to choose whether or not to have alcohol in your home. If my alcoholic son wanted to bring alcohol I would say no. Stand firm in what you desire for you this Christmas, it is not trying to control others, it is loving for you. Hugs elcee
That's tricky el-cee, but whatever you decide I hope you have a peaceful and enjoyable day!
I do know that whatever you decide, it wont "keep it alive", it stays alive all by itself unfortunately.
What would make you most comfortable?
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
It is your home LC. Since alcohol has caused me so much pain, my family knows that I do not allow alcohol in my home so they party elsewhere.
On Christmas Day, I will be going to dinner at my sisters. There will be plenty of wine and alcohol and she always has a non-alcoholic champagne for me. I stay for a few hours drink my nonalcoholic drink, stay detached and have fun.
It really is an individual thing . Keep praying about it and I am sure you will come up with the right decision
Merry Christmas My Friend
I love all three of the replies above! If you keep the focus on you, you will have the answer. As Melly said, what you decide won't make it start or stop, remember the 3Cs, it has a life of its own.
If you went to one of their houses instead for Christmas, what would the rule be? I suspect the alcohol would be flowing freely because it is at their house and those are their rules.
I do think it is healthy to question your motives. But to me what it comes down to is whether you want drink in your house or not, not that you are trying to force your relatives not to drink. Your house you do have legitimate control over.
This is sort of like asking diabetic friends over and then serving food loaded with sugar. We will also be having an alcohol free Christmas Day and everyone who is coming knows that. Frankly, if people need some form of alcohol be it wine or liquor to enjoy a good meal and good company, then is there something not lacking in them?
Don't really think it is a matter of control, rather one of setting boundaries for yourself and your home and sticking to them.
It is your home you get to choose whether or not to have alcohol in your home. If my alcoholic son wanted to bring alcohol I would say no. Stand firm in what you desire for you this Christmas, it is not trying to control others, it is loving for you. Hugs elcee
I agree with Paula...if we have A's, we CANT pretend.....I would not allow alcohol in my house if i had an alcoholic coming.....this is my house...my sanctuary, my rights to a peaceful Christmas.....after Christmas when they all leave, they do what they want.....Why should WE break OUR boundaries to please another..I don't care what holiday it is, why risk ruining your Christmas???? Haven't we suffered enough by alcoholics?????? I am by myself...D#2 is MIA re: my existence again....Its ok.....today I will again work on my back, do what I want to do and no A's will be welcome in my house unless sober.........have a nice Christmas, LC and take care of you.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Most of these questions I find answered in the chapters "The Family Afterward" and "To Wives" in AAs Big Book and I'm
Always grateful when I need to refer to them again.
Merry Christmas. I wish you and yours a wonderful day.
Given the reality of it being your home, its up to you what you want in it. If you want to establish an "alcohol free zone," because you want that for yourself, then that is what you want and as Paula has stated many times, "We aren't want-less or need-less." Merry Christmas, elcee. I'm glad you told them "no" and honored your own reality and wants. I do think it was also gracious of your grown children to ask you first rather than drag it into your home. Good for them.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 24th of December 2014 11:12:33 AM
I dont offer alcohol to any guests or family at my home. My sister came to visit from another state a few years ago and she brought alcohol with her which I asked her to please consume in the privacy of her bedroom.
