The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have tried to be joyful,I used to adore Christmas,this year is so different.I ended my relationship so a lot of things are new.I always cooked and baked cookies.I used to have a special party for my grandchildren with special gifts and handmade items,treat bags,luscious foods.This year the money isn't there.I am barely scraping by right now,let alone having extra.This is the first year I wasn't able to make my extra Christmas money,I just wasn't able to do it.I was sick,but yet I am angry with myself for not being able to do it.I feel so let down.
Maybe this year you can experience yourself as the gift to your grandchildren and your children? I notice when I'm with my grandson that what matters most to him - although he likes presents, too - is that I'm present to him. I listen to him. I care about him. I don't tease him in hurtful ways. I don't put him down. I encourage him and tell him all the good that I see. That's what hopefully he will remember when I die. That somebody chose to love him as he was and let him know what a treasure she believed him to be. I doubt there will be a present that will mean as much to him as somebody being in his corner? I know I don't remember my Grandma's presents. I do remember how her eyes lit up when I came to visit her, how we could laugh together, go to the Laundromat together, and what it felt like to be presented to her friends and beautician as her granddaughter with pride and with a big grin on her face. Blue is also the color of serenity and peace. What a gift that is to bring to people during the hustle and bustle and huge expectations at Christmas time.
Mary the first thing I learned in alanon was" to stop beating myself up." I needed to accept that I am a worthy human being and deserving of compassion, understanding, empathy and support . I needed to give these gifts to myself, before I could give them to anyone else.
I suggest that you make out a gratitude and asset list and then decide to enjoy the Holiday without gifts . The lights, the music the spirit are all intoxicating. On bad years I have volunteered at soup kitchens in order to bring the Holiday cheer to others and have felt it ther myself.
Remember "Changed attitudes aid recovery".
I changed my attitude today. My husband and I have been separated for over a year after two rehabs. I try to encourage him in his recovery but he has rejected me, basically. Anyway, what I decided today was to find joy in remembering all of the good memories I have with him from all the years before alcoholism took over. I love my al anon group, my church. my friends and my kids. I am a lucky woman. Last year I was in tears and broken hearted. It takes work and time and a lot of time staying in my faith and Letting Go and Letting God. Lots of al anon meetings. Thank you so much for those who share that strength, hope and experiences here. I visit this every day and you have helped me a lot.
