Largely, the goal has to shift from "helping" him to really helping you. Instead of him being sober, the goal is for you to be at peace and happy regardless because you have zero control over his alcoholism.

So, boundaries are usually stated verbally when the alcoholic is sober so you know they have been heard whether or not they are believed...Examples:

1. If you choose to drink, I will go upstairs and I don't want to engage with you. I cannot engage/talk to/be intimate with a drunk person.
2. If you raise a hand to me, I will call the police and press charges on you.
3. If you start being nasty to me, I am leaving the room and I expect to be left alone.
4. If you scream at me or mistreat me, I am going to leave the house for the night and go to .....

It can range all the way up to:
5. If you drink, I am leaving you.

However, most people state that number 5 often and then they don't back it up so the person just sees it as empty threats and nagging. Hence, the need to "back it up" is that you have to follow through or the alcoholic thinks they can manipulate or lie to you about everything and your boundaries don't mean squat. The disease of alcoholism hates limits and boundaries so the typical response will be to hear that your boundaries are wrong and that you are nagging, boring, no fun,...blah blah... But you stick to them for you, not him because this is how you be true to yourself. Being with an alcoholic for a long time will erode your boundaries. You start to accept things you never thought you would and then those things become common place. Boundaries are an expression of what is and is not acceptable to you and then you stand firm on those things. They are made within reason and not for the purpose of controlling the other person.  So....taking that in mind, don't state a boundary that you know you cannot or will not back up.  If you know you are not ready to leave due to the drinking, then that's not a reasonable boundary for you (at least not yet) and that is okay.  It takes some figuring out on your part.  It helps to be attending alanon and talking to a sponsor about these things.

I could set all the boundaries with my x that I wanted to set. He was still a raging, unpredictable man with a drinking and drug problem. I couldn't live with it. The boundary I set for me was to move him out of my life and get on with it as a single woman with two kids to raise. I was tempted once or twice to return to him and my HP helped me experience a neighbor screaming at his wife and being stood up one night after cooking his favorite meal to keep me true to myself and my right to live in safety and in peace. Nobody has to live with somebody who acts out in a manner that can become increasingly violent. There were times of dormancy of the violence in him but it was always there. He hated women down deep and saw himself to be smarter and more valuable than a woman who he needed to dominate to make himself feel more powerful at her expense. In reality, he was cowardly and took his insecurities out on women until he got older and saw all the destructiveness he had done to himself and to both his wives, his kids and one woman who was smart enough to get out before he hit her. She saw the warning signs when they dated and called it off. Good for her. At this point in my life, I recognize that I am a woman who is valuable and able to put a man in jail who even looks like he might harm me. Of course, once I saw that I was worth more than what I was allowing in my life at the hands of a man, I no longer draw them to me. Our love does not help a violent man become less violent. That is something he needs to see and work on because he is disgusted by it.  If I do sense a man is violent or domineering, I'm not going to sit down and have coffee with him either.  I like men who respect their mothers, protect women, children and animals, enjoy life, are empathetic and sincere with others, stay away from the bar scene, and do things that are honorable and above board.  I didn't find any of that to be true in my x after we married.  I wouldn't want to put myself through another relationship where I think my love will change another person.  It won't.  It will only keep me spinning sickly on a merry-go-round to nowhere.