The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This has been one of those weeks that just needs to end. It keeps getting worse each day. . The tension in our home is beyond suffocating. We all walk on eggshells trying to avoid upsetting the ah yet hes still upset. Nothing we do or say is "right". Never do we just move on. Little things get thrown back at me, angry bored sighs are expressded. ,All he time. . . I forgot to get the mail this week. . Its been thrown back at me at least a half dozen times. REALLY?!!! This just isnt sane. Its not rational. Our poor daughter doesnt know how to react to her father and of course its all MY fault. . But then again, everuthing is MY fault. . His chronic back pain, his poor relationships with family, his desire to escape and drink, his depression. . .The list goes on. All MY fault. REALLY??!!! Our home is so sad, so dull so lacking of joy. I try, i really do. . But living with a chronically angry, hostile, critical, alcholic is rather joyless and there are days its hard to "fake it to make it". I have sooo much more to express but for now i will post and go "fake it". .
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
TOC Glad that you returned and posted. I do understand and have experienced similar Holidays. I stayed in order to maintain the illusions of a Happy Family. I did not want the hassle of fighting over child support and visitation so I stayed and walked on egg shells.
In retrospect when I left, without fear of the future, that is when recovery really took off. He found real sobriety, I found a job that really paid the bills and we reconciled on a much better footing.
Please keep sharing here and try to get to more meetings.
Holidays with my x were actually good - compared to the other days of the year. I didn't have to fake it to make it because for some reason each of us could enjoy the holidays as individuals, as a couple, as parents and as members of our families. When the holidays were over, the nightmare took off again and no amount of faking it could hide the misery of living with a disease that was harming all of us. When I separated from him, there was instant peace for me and for my children that was real and the sighs of relief from me were immense. My daughter had been a very quiet child until he was out of the house. Within the first or second week of separation, she started "bubbling" forth. She and my son were living in a crushing environment to their spirits as was I. We couldn't live that way and survive - let alone thrive. The risks I took in those early months had such an immediate and positive effect on us, I knew to go ahead and divorce him within a few months of our separation.
