What about therapy for depression? - Al-Anon Family Group

zebrafish · Member

What about therapy for depression?

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Of course therapy for depression can be helpful...do you believe it would be helpful for you?

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't think counseling is ever a bad thing as long as you go into it open minded. I love it for myself and am sad I missed my appointment this week. I am glad you are trying different things. Sending you love and support!

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

It's important to get a good therapist, and so to try 3-4 or more before you decide on one. When I did this, some of the therapists I saw were clearly people who would not be helpful. Boundary problems, crazy ideas, etc. But when I got a good one, it was sure a lifesaver. It sounds as if that would be a great support for you.

zebrafish · Member

PP, it might be helpful for me ,I don't know yet. I am having my own depression and anxiety issues, but I could only go on his insurance, as a couple thing.

Thanks everybody.

Would it be best to go to a regular therapist first, and then only go to a psychiatrist for a prescription if the therapist recommends it?

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I was just coming on to add to my response, I should know better than to answer on the run! In my experiences when I worked in the mental health field and as a consumer, it worked best whenever there were addictions involved, that an addiction counselor be consulted. If you are leaning toward help in this area, I would encourage you to follow your gut. You will know if you are on the best path for you. smile

mjferg · Senior Member

I am in therapy now and it is helping because I am taking advice from my therapist,I have gone to therapy before and I believed just going was supposed to make me feel better.Now I realize it is to help make changes in my life that cause my problems.I was very depressed when I started and I definitely see an improvement in my mood.Of course following the alanon program along with therapy,too.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

In my own experience when having been affected by alcoholism, it took a more in depth recovery program than just therapy. Alanon is specific in terms of dealing with the symptoms of alcoholism rather than just a general type of therapy. Im not sure how well certain therapies compliment alanon either. Ive heard cognitive behavioural therapy is similiar but personally the alanon program is enough if you give it your all.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

I'll be honest....for me the best thing in life WAS free-----its name----ALANON

went to a few therapists one guy who was good, christian counselor who was horrible....another christian counselor who was very spot on, didn't throw religion on me and she helped me a lot and SHE suggested Alanon/aca/coda....i loved her, may she rest in peace

for me??? alanon beats it all.....a peer to peer loving, supportive group is just what i needed...to be validated...to hang out w/folks who have BEEN THERE and really experienced what i did or close to it...oh yea, a therapist, a good one is worth their weight in gold, but I still say good old experience does it.....this one councellor who knew NOTHING of my pain and suffering except what she read in her textbooks did more damage to me then good......

i love the group , community atmosphere....and i hear depression is stored pain, anyway, or buried anger......4th step helped me a lot...now i am working on step 7 on several issues that i have confessed...am ready to dump......casting the burdens (dumping the behavioral patterns that sabotage me) i think , for me, getting into alanon, aca, coda was the best thing that could happen to me.........just my opinion.....please use what you can and discard/dump the rest.......

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Forgive me I don't remember so's circumstances. All I know is he could have stomach damage from the alcohol, or it may be his liver.

I always say call social security and start the process. then go from there. I would then get an attorney, who will take 25% of what they owe from when you should have gotten ssd or ssi before their decision, if you are approved. An attorney is about the only way most can get approved.

Be kind to yourself! I love counseling, makes me think and I always heal some.

Remember to take care of you hon, does not matter what he says or thinks, he is sick. Plus its all about you. What you want, what you need. Allow him the dignity to do what he is going to do.

hugs!

recoveryrehab · Newbie

Thanks zebrafish

I'm a great believer in what works, works !

It is probably worth separating out what you need to do for your own recovery, and what you feel you need to do either to help your s/o or to help your relationship with him.
For your own recovery, you have an absolute freedom to try anything or not try anything that you may feel will help you, period.

Often the only way to see if anything does help is to try it, and through the process of trying it learning to trust yourself to understand your own needs.
it is a different scenario if you are going to say couples therapy either because you think it will help him, or will help your relationship with him.

The value of that work will to a large extent depend on whether your s/o is willing or able at any level to own his own stuff and move forward with his own recovery.
If he is, then joint therapy may or may not be helpful, but you wont know till you try it.

If he is not able to own his own stuff, then you will just feel more sucked into his life and more enmeshed in the relationship. Focusing on your own recovery gives you a greater freedom within the context of whatever your life is, and gives you a greater awareness of whether or not other people are validating you or in some way using you to hold themselves together.

Good luck

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

As I remember, your SO isn't a drinker or affected by alcoholism? I'm not sure if you might have another qualifier for membership in Al-Anon - a friend or a family member? If not, since we can't address outside issues other than those related to the disease of alcoholism, I have no input on what might be helpful to you in this situation when it comes to therapists, etc.

zebrafish · Member

@recoveryrehab: Thank you, for the very comprehensive response. It gives me much to think about.

@debielyn, he's not an alcoholic. Thanks for the rest of your thoughts.

@grateful2be, I am acoa by way of my grandparents, and my sister also is alcoholic. His family is not alcoholic, but he had a child with a woman whose brother was,
and that brother died of it. So his son had to grow up in that household with his alcoholic uncle around. And that household was extremely co-dependent about
the impending death of the uncle. It's only been a few months since he died.

It seems there are several issues going on here - addiction, depression, and maybe even neurological problems from the stroke. He never got treated by
a neurologist, not sure if that would help. Yesterday he got sent on an interview, they thought he was wonderful he gave his card out, they were glad to
have it, and he didn't get their business cards. Didn't even write their names down so he could put them on his linkedin network. So you could look at it
like yeah I absolutely need to detach from this, but OTOH, he wouldn't have done this before the stroke, and I'm wondering if the helplessness is part of it.
In which case maybe we need to know what therapy he needs, either to better face the helplessness, or help him work through it. I dunno.

I'm doing some reading on stroke recovery forums. And I'm also seriously minimizing cooking so I can focus on learning a skill, if I even still
have the time to do that. Don't know if I do.

I'm finding this is not a smooth process, like deciding not eat velveta cheese any more.

On the one hand, I need to save myself, on the other, how best to do that, and how soon? The decision is a race against time.

Thank you everyone, you guys are extremely supportive and helpful :) :).

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Al-Anon could be a big help to you from what I've read here, zebrafish. You may discover after attending meetings that a lot of what is troubling you now will be eased? Since you do have qualifiers, I do agree that a therapist that specializes with families affected by alcoholism/substance abuse would be a better help to you than a therapist without that specialty if you decide that seeking a therapist for yourself is something you want to pursue. I visited with a therapist with this specialty and it made a huge positive difference for me.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 12th of December 2014 10:30:57 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

There are quite a few issues you have mentioned here...some maybe his and some yours. The counselors I worked with were for my issues alone cause "if I don't have me I don't have anything". I am a stroke survivor and those events are crazy to go thru. Mine messed up my memory a lot and memory is a big tool in people's lives. I had to let go with what I lost and rebuild. It is what it is. PTSD yes that too both from my family of origin and the military however both the program and counseling has helped me tons with that. Al-Anon is hands on 24/7 reprograming and the program for me works so much with the truth of life rather than the negative and fearful fantasies. Depression? been there and done that and maybe at times still wallow around in it and while in the past the depression had me considering suicide three times I learned in Al-Anon a difference between failed suicide and successful suicide and I have taught that to others. Failed of course is about ending your life while successful is about ending how you live your life...changing. Change how you live it and you won't want to end it. Depression I have been told and discussed at length with my counselors and sponsors and others is "anger turned inward". That was helpful...I use to get so angry at myself that there was nothing I could think of to helped me feel better about me or worthy of positive affirmations. Having a positive affirmation program works very well; keep it honest. There are a lot of self help books and others which are very helpful and people like John Bradshaw were/are masters with presenting self knowledge and change. The program also taught me about positive inventories something other than just the bad of me. "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves" doesn't mean just pondering the bad of or bad in us. My sponsor would not review a 4th step with me that centered solely on the bad or wrong of me. "There is no such thing as just bad Jerry F" was his response and I then did both a good and a bad and a combined. My first 4th with him was more negative than positive and he told me "I don't want to see it...do it over...there is no such thing as more bad than good in a person. Loved him...still do.

One of the things about professional therapist is that the won't or don't share personal history about themselves with their clients that often. I was told I shouldn't when I was a therapist and then...how were my clients ever able to understand that I was telling the truth when I said..."I understand" and then how were they able to hold trust with what I offered.

Anyhow this is a good post. In support (((((hugs))))) wink

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