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Post Info TOPIC: Blah blah moan moan


~*Service Worker*~

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Blah blah moan moan


Avatar is me this morning. I woke up in a bad mood. I went walking on the beach because I figured if that didn't cheer me up nothing would. It worked. My day was mostly good after that.

Things here are very hard. The son who's room I am renting has come back and is sleeping on the couch. Housemate lady has been giving me an amped up version of the cold shoulder for days, even daughter is feeling it. A few weeks ago she wanted to make our staying here 'long term" now it seems like she is trying to see if she can push me out the door with the sheer force of her steely gaze. I can't let it get to me. Daughter has 2 weeks of school left. We made an agreement. I pay rent, I am quiet, respectful, I cook, I provide a lot of food, I do my share of the housework, I am a good housemate. I'm not going to do something desperate just to get away from the negative vibes. Perhaps she is just having a bad week. Its certainly different and I don't think I've done anything to cause it. I will move out when I have somewhere to move to as we agreed, "sometime before the end of January" as we agreed. I have asked twice now, is there something I am doing to upset her, she says no so, that's her answer and I'll accept it and adjust to this new less friendly way of doing things. Whatever. She was a bit warmer towards me this evening, and we made up a batch of goodies together. But the tension has been almost unbearable for the last week so it has been a challenge to not let it hurt me. I over-invested in having a new friend I guess because it has made me feel pretty sad. A lesson to learn...

The son in question is a really darling guy, I very much like him and can see why his mum adores him. But he also has big drink/drug issues and has gotten himself into trouble again I believe. I think i am now standing in the way of her having her dear boy back safe in his bed. Maybe, it's not really my business but that's what I am seeing. I'm certainly not feeling the love any more, that's for sure, and it's since he turned up on the doorstep looking very ill and sad indeed and he's been asleep on the couch so we have had to tiptoe around all day every day. I think he has the flu as well. But you know, its not a really happy environment to be in. and it's pretty obvious things have changed and they want us to go away yesterday.

So the sooner the better I leave of course. I looked at a place today, it was very suitable. I decided today to pay the money A owes for the old house so it can be finalised and I can apply for a new one immediately. I am not going to stay where I am not wanted longer than I have to, don't get me wrong, I'm just going to make sure  do what is best for us, not pack up and leave in an angry huff because I feel slighted or mistreated. Where would I go right now? I am broke! Also waiting for A to pay his remaining share is pointless and only hurting me. I will somehow find the money and pay it and move on. 

Daughter brought home her uniform list for high school today, they want nearly $1000 for the uniform alone, I told her I will have to buy second hand, she insists they are changing the uniform and it must be new and blah blah. And she NEEDS a new ipad, they have to have a new one for high school and and and she wants wants wants. Her books and fees another $1k, I have no means at all to pay. Her father refuses to assist meanwhile they have just returned from ANOTHER holiday, he has a new motorbike blah blah, my mother has just bought my daughter a $200 bikini. And brings the news that she is off to India for her next holiday. Then in her email tells me it is wrong for me to let daughter believe I can send her to high school when clearly I cannot and will have to go back to her home and give up. Daughter needs schoolbooks, uniform, not a $200 bikini, I dont expect mother to pay for these things but the expensive frivolous gifts are just missiles she is hurling at me. And a message that the bikini is "your Christmas present too Melissa because it was so expensive". That's nice, thanks. For your Christmas present, Mother, perhaps I will buy myself a nice bikini. Fair is fair.

I know what their game is, both want me to give up. her father makes no secret that he wants me to give up and let daughter live with him. It will be cheaper for him than paying for child support, and for petrol to come and get her every 2 weeks. He pays the small amount he is required by law to pay each week and not a cent more, that has always been his policy. Mother wants me to give up so I can go live there and she can bully me into the ground. Sorry, that's inventory taking but they haven't exactly made these intentions a secret.

Well everything they say is Bull. I have lived independently since i was 15. Supported daughter on my own with no help from anyone for 11 years. I will manage this. It is very hard, I am being pushed to my very limits but I don't have a moments doubt that I WILL learn what I need to learn, I WILL find the right place for us (maybe I even found it today?) I WILL get into a safe stable place where i can finish my naturopathy degree and work (this house is in town, so I can commute to my uni and easily find work)...

A insists I should get a 3 bedroom place...its a waste of money to get a 2 bedroom when it's only $40 a week more for an extra room, HA!!! I call shennigans on that. 2 rooms and no space to spare will achieve our goal quite nicely thanks, A. "But I'm only thinking of you" he says. "What if you want to have someone come and stay?"...who in the world would I want to have stay???? I think i will be quite happy if no-one crosses the threshold of our new place other than daughter and myself and perhaps her school friends. But it was a nice try, A. A lesser woman might have been fooled. If she had the IQ of a turnip perhaps.

Anyway the point is it doesn't matter how these people act, they are irrelevant, I think it was Temple that suggested picturing them as turkeys gobbling around my feet....thanks for that Temple wherever you are!!!  The only thing that matters is figuring out what is preventing me from being independent and thriving like I used to...(fear fear and more fear)...and getting ON with life, I am so very, very fed up with this dreadful limbo state of being. This cha[ter needs to close now, it has sucked for long enough.

Anyway I didn't intend to write any of that complaining stuff, it just fell out, sorry!!! 

I intended to just share something that made me laugh today.

My daughter was told by her teacher that her handwriting is too messy and she needs to work on it. My daughter told her she thinks she should actually get extra credit because she has "created her own font". It made me laugh because it is exactly the sort of thing I would have said to my teacher at her age.

So there are still things to laugh at. I'm not finished yet.

 

 



__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



~*Service Worker*~

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Hi. Sorry you are having such a hard time. I would like to talk with you about school expenses. Wow!! Is she going to a private school? The uniform alone costing $1000 sounds outrageous...even for a private school. Is there any way she can go to a public school? Not sure if you have the same type of school system there like we do in the U.S. My youngest is in small Christian school, so I understand the expense...but her school is a lot cheaper than what you are describing. Do they have financial aid? I know I couldn't afford that type of expense for school and I have a good job. Hopefully they can work with helping you afford it??

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Living life one step at a time



Senior Member

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My daughter is a senior in High School and she has a job,it helps tremendously.She enjoys it and feels really good about earning her own money.I had a talk with her and she realizes times are hard right now and we are in this together.I just don't have the money that I used to have.She understands and there will be better times ahead ,but right now our decisions have to be realistic,it helps with the stress of all the changes.I understand your struggles,I have had to cut back a lot,but I have peace.

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Mary



~*Service Worker*~

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Its a public school but a fairly cool girls only one that she worked hard to get into. She is doing a special program, it's a big deal, it's why we have stayed in the area, but technically it's just a public school, Unreal huh? I will be buying second hand, no doubt about it. My eyes nearly fell out of my head when I read the uniform list today. It is utterly outrageous!

__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



~*Service Worker*~

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Wow! Very expensive for a public school. Maybe she could find some babysitting jobs and help pay for things? If a public school tried to charge $1000 for a uniform where I live, I think the parents would stage a protest. Lol. But I guess since it's an all girls school and you have to apply to get in, that's a different story. These prices sound like college expenses.
By the way...good for you for taking a walk on the beach. Walking helps me too.

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Living life one step at a time



~*Service Worker*~

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((Dear Melly)) Prayers and positive thoughts on the way. I believe that "  Daughter" has the same sense of humor as mom and I also loved Temple's comment of:  "picturing them as turkeys gobbling around my feet."

You look lovely  and a little serious in your new picture.  Glad you shared your heart here . It helps. 



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Thanks guys.
Betty in the picture I was furiously concentrating on cheering up...lol! It was actually just very windy.
NLG she's 11, not ready to work yet lol. I am not ready to leave her alone at night much less in charge of someone else's kids!!
I agree it is incomprehensible to me for a public school to require such an expensive uniform. However I am looking at it now and $200 is a blazer and that is not compulsory so we won't be buying that. There's one thing I can tick off. I also just found on facebook, via the local community pages, a local school uniform/books/musical instrumets etc swap and sell page. Now we're talking. I know I can whittle these expenses down and make payment arrangements for the rest...I know I can manage, it's just a lot. And to learn she can't use her ipad but needs a brand new one is just POPPYCOCK. I swear the schools get kickbacks from apple for making the kids buy new ipads every couple years. I need a computer for me since mine was just recently murdered, not to buy a completely unnecessary ipad for the kid who has everything. GRRRRR!!!!! I will have to do some serious querying as to why exactly her old one will not be adequate.
On the plus side i learned today that the school bus is free for high school kids. I had thought it would cost me so that was good news.
Must focus on the good and maybe it will attract more good.
Happy things good thoughts gratitudes and assets.....



-- Edited by missmeliss on Tuesday 9th of December 2014 12:35:59 PM

__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



~*Service Worker*~

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I regards to those people in my life that seem to want to sabotage me, I did an exercise the other night when i was sick to death of feeling victimised and helpless and resentful. i wrote down everything i could think of about each person, why I feel resentful, why i go back for more, why i feel hurt, and kept pushing until I felt like i had really written it all out and ended with what i would like to say to each person, if I was brave and maybe mean enough to be brutally honest. Then i screwed each one up and threw it into the fire and when it had burned went on to the next one. It took hours.
Normally I tell myself not to "dwell" on anger or resentment and try not to think about those feelings (while they eat away at me) so this was really cleansing and new for me. I felt much lighter after that. It was kind of cool, since then whenever i feel myself getting angry with someone I visualise writing it down and throwing it in the fire. I need to not be poisoned with resentment, it's so toxic.
I am so on the warpath, I have HAD IT with feeling miserable and hopeless.
GRRRRRRRRR!!!!

__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



~*Service Worker*~

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Wow, i posted a message on that new local school uniform/book trading site and got replies saying 'there is a new uniform for next year, all new year 7s are expected to have it", i replied "I will have to get second hand and add new pieces as i can afford them" and got shaming posts back from the other parents 'your daughter will feel out of place if she isnt dressed the same as everyone else, think about how she will feel, you should get the new uniform and stop being tight....you are expected to have the new uniform blah blah". This is supposed to be a site for people to exchange second hand stuff and save money, I can tell this is going to be a fun parent community to be a part of. Can't wait. Ugh!!!


__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



Member

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i was the 'poor kid' in the rich kids school. it sucked, but i survived. And when i grew up i realized that we weren't poor at all- my parents made sacrifices for the education and well being of my brother and myself. They passed on new cars, new clothes, new toys etc to ensure healthy food, top notch education and family vacation (road trips; hardly the ski trips my classmates were going on). As single parents we can only do what we can, and one day our children will understand and hopefully appreciate

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~*Service Worker*~

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MsM I know it is important for your daughter to attend this school . Does the government offer any sort of relief for families in your situation? Maybe if you checked with the school administrators they could direct you to assistance

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


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Sounds harsh Melly. Why cant her father stump up for half of the uniform? Its an expense daughter needs, part of the reality of parenting. A normal thing to ask for. Have you tried?

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Sorry reread the part of fathers refusal. How ridiculously irresponsible. Prayers for you and daughter, dont give up, there will be a way.

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~*Service Worker*~

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There is a small government payment at the start of the school year, $400. A dress a jumper and some but not all of her books I guess....it'll help. I will pay the fees off...the rest of her books....ugh...shoes?...lol we have the same size feet maybe we can share a pair...lol... As to a new ipad, well it's not at all plausible. She will have to make do with her old one and if the school complain then they can provide a new one, be serious.
I have JUST read on their website about the ipads thinking they might offer some kind of assistance and all it says is "YOU ARE EXPECTED TO PROVIDE AN IPAD 4 OR BETTER. 16 GIG IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. YOU ALSO NEED TO PAY $80 to the school for aps and software". Well I guess i will just have to send her with her old unnaceptable 16 gig ipad 3 and inform the school that EXPECTATIONS ARE DISSAPOINTMENTS WAITING TO HAPPEN.
I just woke up quite angry that I went to sleep sad and worried and feeling like a failure over all of this. I was in tears over it by the time I closed my eyes. What do I have to feel guilty for, I'm doing EVERYTHING I can to get her what she needs and way beyond that, in fact I haven't cared for myself at all in ages it has all just been daughter daughter daughter. Any wonder she gets ruder and more demanding every day, my default is just to treat the people I love like Royalty and then wonder why they wipe their feet on me.....and I hear those voices in my ear...my mother, daughters father always telling me I am a bad mother, my poor daughter suffers because of me.... think I just really woke up...because I'm mad. Not at daughter certainly but just at the ridiculous pArt of me that has allowed myself to BE this way giving everything I have and then wearing everyone else's guilt for them too. No, that's enough now. Truly enough.

__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



Senior Member

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Miss melly this reply is just me, thinking aloud. Much of technology today is aimed at the user construct, ie the thinking is done for them. Not saying there aren't fun creative aspects available, definitely there are. Yet a school is selected for academic or sporting excellence. What I'm reading is the daughters of the old boys club. Pure intelligence, talent coupled with personal ambition and commitment are the makings of a successful young person. She's going to have to deal with a whole lot of class issues in this school. Its already begun. Really her father should be involved. You've said he's alright now, if he's serious about wanting the best for his daughter, he should stick his hand in his pocket. After all it reflects well on him to have her there and in his home city, what school did you go to is the question people ask before they even ask your name. You can get through this. You can,you can. The voices in your head are just sneaking cheats,for the temptation to quit is strongest just before victory. I believe that when i watch you. Oh and your flattie,she's probably stressed out with alcoholic son in the vicinity. You'll find a place just keep going forward and keep beleiving.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Dear Melly,

our daughter was a child that came from a state education to a private school for her secondary education, the bullying initially to both her and myself were relentless in the beginning, my heart ached fro her that she would have to go each day and face the abuse, I was ready to take her out when a dear old friend of mine asked me what was wrong, I confided I felt defeated this lady said NO, your right for her to be there is as good as anyone elses, your money is as good, fight this, I was frightened for her and went to the head master who dealt with this head on, my daughter continued her education and flourished she wore secondhand uniforms throughout and she gained respect and I have always believed it's the person that makes the clothes, not the clothes maketh the person, it's sad that this goes on but it does, I have no doubt your daughter is an amazing human being it won't be easy but stick to your guns our children are down to earth and have amazing qualities, 

much

love

Katy

 x



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Katy
PP


~*Service Worker*~

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(((Melly))) Do you have a sponsor?



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Paula



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I know you said her dad wouldn't give more than he already does, but this is an extra-ordinary occasion. Would you ask him or tell your daughter to ask him to pay for something?

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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.



~*Service Worker*~

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I know you didn't ask for practical solutions so ignore all of us if we are totally missing the point.  What I'm wondering is what the court arrangement for child support is, and if it can be increased considering these significant expenses.  Often as a child gets older, there are more expenses and things have to be readjusted.  It may be more hassle than payoff, but that's what occurred to me.  I'm also thinking a sponsor might be a great support.  You are on the road to much greater serenity, and spending most of your time away from your A is going to give you extra peace.  But you're living in crowded and challenging circumstances, and your landlady's codependent side is coming out, not to mention the alcoholic son lurking on the sofa - a resident alcoholic is not what someone in recovery needs, even if he's not related to you.  That plus money concerns is a significant amount of stress.  You are a strong woman and you're headed in the right direction but anyone would need lots of support in this situation.  I hope you'll follow up on all you can.



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~*Service Worker*~

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Melly, I understand your situation. Like I said, my daughter is in a private school, but it isn't very expensive at all. However, I am considering changing to public school if I can't keep up with the payments. My older two girls who are in college now went to public schools and they are just fine. Lol. The parents who are shaming you are awful. Can you just go directly to the principal and ask about scholarships or financial assistance? There has to be something to help you. Those other parents sound "rich" and stuck up.
You said your daughter worked hard to get into this schoo, but if it isn't practical for you financially, is there a good public school alternative that doesn't cost you anything? Kids can't always get what they want, and they will survive.

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Living life one step at a time



~*Service Worker*~

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Here we have systems in place based on income, so my kids get free lunch and low prices for sport uniforms and such, anything like that to look into? I get it and feel alone and overwhelmed a lot. You are good enough and doing the best you can! Own your power and remember who you are and what you are made of and do not let others make up your self worth! Keep your head held high and put one foot in front of the other. You can and will figure this out one day at a time!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

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