S/O snapped at me.... - Al-Anon Family Group

zebrafish · Member

S/O snapped at me....

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Zebrafish, Alanon has taught me to focus on "why' I do what I do, "say what I say", because that is the only way I can change my life for the better. Examining my motives in each situation is also helpful.

In reading his response to you I see it as simply a confirmation of a fact as that is why he is going to the bank---Nothing more.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

When I can let go of the need to know why people do what they do, I have more peace and can more easily enjoy my life. And I find the older I get, the less I think I need to learn. I try to keep things simple, work my program, take the best actions I can, then let go and let God. It sounds simple, zebrafish ( love the name), yet it is not. It is a worthwhile endeavor, though smile

andromeda · ~*Service Worker*~

There could be a myriad of reasons why he snapped the answer back at you. Many of those reasons may have nothing to do with you. There's a saying in the rooms which goes QTIP(quit taking it personally). As Paula said, letting go and letting God step in here is a great place where you can start. Even if he was mad at you, you don't need to waste your time ruminating over the why or the details behind it. If he wants to talk about it, maybe he will. But, you can still go on with your day and let it go. Hugs!!!

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Zebra,

Even before my wife was an alcoholic, one remark like that could ruin my day. She could just be like that sometimes. So could I, of course. Once she became an alcholic it got worse. And so did I. We were both constantly fighting, and the only person that ould give in was me. If I chose not to give in, the consequences were huge, so I gave in quite often. But [I felt like crap all the time, felt unlistened to, felt like my opinion didn't matter, etc.

So finally I just let go and detached. I got to the point where if she was mean I would let it roll off my back. Done. I began to care much less about how she said things. If she wanted to explain herself then great, but if not, then I wasn't going to explain it in my head for her.

Things are much better now that she i in recovery. Now I get to work on myself and the way *I* say things. Danged if I didn't realize that I was much meaner than her for many years, and that I would huff around and not explain why I was mad, etc. So I have gotten to work on that myself.

kenny

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Even folks who aren't As snap at others. I don't know anybody who doesn't get irritable from time to time. One thing I've noticed about me is that I can get pretty touchy about some things that simply aren't all that important. I can also expect more from myself - and therefore others - than any human being can live up to in this life. I can get snappy and I can also make an amends but I can never guarantee myself or another person that I will "never be snappy again." So, if I can't guarantee myself or another that I won't be irritable 24/7 all the days of my life, I can't expect it from another person either.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 8th of December 2014 11:50:21 AM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 8th of December 2014 02:20:34 PM

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, Zebra....

the more you get into alanon, the more you will learn to just focus on you...quit trying to analyze any other b/c the only thigns you can work on are you, your thoughts, letting go what is not in your skin, so to speak.....alanon meetings are a great way to get into the groove of alanon.......we learn to focus on ourselves and we keep things simple...about us.....just doing/living/thinking the basics....I like what PP said about keeping it simple......sending u support

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