The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When someone chooses to not respect you, you choose to do it for them.
XA is now becoming more public with his new gf. (the counsellor from the detox centre) There are just so many things not right about this on so many levels. My rights were never respected nor were the rights of my kids. This tells me 2 things. He has not changed and she is not someone I care to have my kids exposed to. This behaviour of basing ones sobriety on another person and their relationship raises many red flags. My part is to stay cautious and quiet and observe and take care of me and my kids. I really don't have time to make a fuss about it. Their choices make my choices much more clearer.
I am taking care of me every day the best to my ability. Some days are good and some not so good. I am grateful to have Alanon tools. I am grateful that my HP shows me exactly what I need to see when I need to see it. I have become a better advocate for me and my kids, including my fur kid.
I have allowed on occasion my fur kid to go for a visit over night here and there. I did so this past weekend. Not only was he not brought home on time, I could not reach XA the entire day. When he finally responded it was a text saying he would bring him home the next day after work. I fumbled with anger and resentment, with some hiccups on the react/respond part. WIP....I will get there. At the end I stated he was to be brought home immediately as that was what was planned. He did bring him home eventually. They also hit a deer on their way home after dropping him off. Thanks HP, I am sure unkind words were said on their way back. (No one was hurt...the question of alcohol use did come up...but that's not my problem and I chose to say nothing when asked if I thought he had been drinking...b/c I really don't know)
Hurting is inevitable. The amount of time I suffer from it becomes a choice. Yes, this hurts, but no I do not wish to dwell on it. I will practice letting go of negative things that stunt my growth. I will regain focus on spending my days filled with laughter and joy with my loved ones. I also now know how to respect my boundaries for other people when they are not able to do so.
Hi Mari Good to see you back posting. This is a dreadful disease and learning how to take care of ourselves while interacting with it ,is a great gift of program.
I am sorry to read of the latest development and very impressed with your use of alanon tools in the process. Your ability to validate yourself without judging or blame is an inspiration.
Welcome back. Although you are experiencing some hurt, I also notice you are freeing yourself from a relationship that isn't worthy of you. Good for you.
I read somewhere that you change for two reasons: You either learn enough that you want to or you have been hurt enough that you have to.
I think one of the greatest tools that I have found is the ability to not allow for individuals to continuously have the power to hurt me. I am not helpless or hopeless. I am not a perfect human but I am perfectly human. I love that I am able to hear the voice within and filter out all the outside influences that are negative and useless. I recognize when I have made a wrong and admitted so and made amends where needed. I feel strong and determined and grateful for what I have experienced and know where I am now is a gift.
I recently experienced a person attacking my parenting skills. It almost hurt....the most direct and easy hit is to go through my children...that is if I let it. It was an interesting experience when I was able to put into perspective the person that was on the attack and what reasons they may feel that they should have that right. My answer, they don't have that right. I came to a dead halt in my thoughts...I don't know this persons story. What are my intentions in this interaction? You are a person of authority and I need access through it. I was not intending on manipulating anyone. I need to help my child through their difficulty. Re focus on what is needed and toss useless and all negativity. Believe me I prayed hard before this two hour meeting...repeatedly throwing hands up in the air and saying what is your will....and please help me get me through this. After the finger pointing and blame game ended it was my turn to speak. I took a deep breath (by this time I really wanted to jump across the table and hurt someone...probably not productive...and I really had to swallow a great big ball of pride...) When I started speaking I asked my HP for courage and strength and the words that would help my child with their difficulties. I spoke from the heart and the words just flowed. The two persons sitting across from the table had a moment and I could feel the shift in their presence. I spoke of the difficulties and the many strategies and the different research I had done on my own. I spoke of having to not only change my lenses on how I viewed these difficulties but also trying to intercept negative reactions to the difficulties my child was experiencing. Those were the words I so needed at that time. Not only was I able to disarm them, I found two more members of society to help advocate for my child. When I spoke of different lenses they admitted to shock and asked if I had known about an individual that has many workshops and has dedicated his life's work to child psychology and giving educators the tools to help prevent children from falling in the cracks of the system. The two people across from me originally met at one of those workshops. They wanted to know where I learned what I knew. I responded research and amazing support system of family and friends. MIP is family to me and Alanon is the support that has helped empower me. I may not post often but these posts and taking all the E/S/H that works for me with me on my travels is part of nothing short of a miracle. Keep showing up for yourself and keep putting one foot in front of the other. The gifts are endless, priceless and life saving.
Lovely inspiring share Mari I believe we are all miracles in progress Thanks for reminding me of this.
Picking up the alanon tools including prayer, rejecting old worn out destructive reactions certainly makes a difference.
