If its driven by alcohol - Al-Anon Family Group

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

If its driven by alcohol

SunshineGirl · Senior Member

Good share, thank you. Has set me off thinking.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Jerry F wrote:

"If it is driven by alcohol...it isn't real". I got that from inside a Family Group meeting long ago and I remember understanding that when your spirit hears the truth it accepts it immediately without argument...it compares what it hears to its experiences and arrives at the solution. Alcohol is a mind and mood and behavioral altering chemical...nothing real can come out of that. Thanks for letting me share. (((((hugs)))))

yep....i agree....so most of my life wasn't even real b/c i grew up with it, and married it......ya know this last sentence hits a bell with me....all of her assessments of me were "unreal" b/c she was a drunk......someday i will have heart knowledge that i am not the useless, liability, no good, stupid bitch she and he said of me....both of them drank...both were extremely verbally abusive.....one brother is dead b/c of them....my other favorite one is drinking himself to death............i so agree....nothing real can come out of this....when my brother promises me or says something to me, I take it with a big grain of salt...i learned early on that broken promises are all part of the "deal" .......and thank YOU for sharing this......Mahalo (((((((((((((J)))))))))))))

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

"If it's driven by alcohol, it isn't real."
Excellent point Jerry! "driven by alcohol"- it wouldn't be safe to let alcohol drive us anywhere... down the street, around the block, towards isolation, down a destructive path, ...! Too many times I have been overwhelmed by the power and persuasiveness of the disease- a disease that lures anyone listening towards destruction- that I totally lost track that the horrible words, fears, and hopelessness aren't real. Thank you for the good reminder.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

"It isn't real." One of the reasons I quit listening to anybody on drugs or alcohol although I've never truly thought about the reason as simply put as this. Thanks, Jerry. Sure makes it easier to utilize QTIP.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Of course honestly I posted the share because I was "triggered" by another member's honest share and the trigger took me back to early program and sponsor lessons which I followed up on to learn more. I find that I still have the compulsion and the facility to rant and scream about the insanity of it all...the disease. The solution of course for me is to surrender the compulsion and accept the reality of "If I keep an open mind I will find help" for the residual emotions some of which are closer to the surface of my present reality than others. Am I still affected? Do I still need to retain my chair in the rooms of Al-Anon where ever I find a meeting? Am I grateful that MIP and the program continues to exist and support recovery for so many? I know you all know the answer to that from your own programs. Thanks for letting me share. (((hugs))) smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 30th of November 2014 11:59:17 PM

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

This is so true..then as I was thinking on this, I expanded it to anything driven by any compulsion isn't real; substances, thoughts, etc. It took me a long time in al anon to know when I was being real. I used to get so frustrated when I shared in meetings, because the thought would arise in me telling me what I said wasn't the truth. So, then I would start digging and asking God to show me truth. Through many of these experiences, I learned that if I ask, I will be shown the way to the real ness of me.....often I need to have a dialogue with another person in recovery. My sponsor was invaluable in this process.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

agree Jerry and I must remember that while living with the disease , my go to tools were denial of reality and pretending all was well . Thank you alanon for giving me the tools to face reality with courage and acceptance and live life on life's terms

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for the response Paula and Betty. Paula you stated it as my recovery understands it. Betty my pre-program survival tools were a bit different yet I have the very same gratitude and appreciation you have. I did use denial based upon total lack of ESH and then arrived at Paula's "if I ask and then learned to ask, "Can you help me please"? The please sounded like begging and by that time I didn't care...as long as I stayed alive long enough to get some understanding of what was trying to kill me.

I will repeat your ending statement, "Thank you alanon for giving me the tools to face reality with courage and acceptance and live life on life's terms". ((((hugs)))) smile

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I like the statement. I think if it's driven by alcohol it is warped a the very least. This disease is sneaky so it will have the alcoholic weaving elements of reality through their messed up alcoholic haze. Hence, what they spew out has elements of reality but with a cruel, sick, and diseased twist which of course, is not real. It almost makes it worse than if complete gibberish was coming out of their mouth (which does happen too sometimes). That's my take. I'm just applying it to the things alcoholics say and do though and maybe not thinking broadly enough.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate jerry. The truth is simple, clear. Alcoholism by the nature of the disease doesnt like the truth. I had an uncanny knack of taking the truth and twisting it to fit with my belief system that was outdated, but allowed me to stay with it for years and this had consequences because the truth wont stay squashed down forever. In my experience, it seeped out slowly and then crisis after crisis smacked the whole family in the face. If its driven by alcohol its not real, I get this.

Alcoholism tells you love is a needy thing, the person needs you and your the only one on earth that understands. I loved feeling special, the special alcoholic enabler. For some reason I never questioned why the whole world was telling him and me that this wasnt the way things should go. Love doesnt look the way it should in an alcoholic relationship, its not about lies and blame and verbal abuse and then fixing and heightened emotions constantly. Its like living in a cave where the whole world is moving in a different direction from you but you cant really see whats going on in your cave. It distorts reality.

Im new to reality, or I have a new reality that is closely linked with the truth. Is that why they call people reborn, thats me, im like an infant in the world of reality.lol. I can see, thank you alanon, so grateful. Thanks jerry, got me thinking this one.x

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.