The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So...I was with my sister today. I am trying to teach her Al anon tools when dealing with her husband. He is not alcoholic. anyway, he can really pick on my sister. today she was washing grapes for the kids to eat. He told her she was doing it wrong, and she should have wiped them off with a paper towel too. She responded with arguing. They argue about something every time I see them. It's sad. she and I went for a drive to pick up the kids and I advised her to just say "ok" when her husband picks on her...or to just not say anything at all. I am hoping that will help their arguments. I told her it's ok not to respond. It made me think of the saying " you don't have to attend every argument you're invited to." She said that would be hard for her, and her husband might get mad because she would be ignoring him. I told her to try it...so I will have to wait and see if it works. Their arguing makes me uncomfortable. He is kind of a bully when it comes to her in the kitchen. He loves to cook, and he is good at it...but I am hoping she can find a quieter way to deal with him, and maybe he will stop bugging her.
She is also very codependent with her dogs! Al anon has helped me not be codependent. She has too tiny dogs. She is so worried about taking them for walks because they bark at other people and other dogs. Long story short, I gave her some tips I have seen on The Dog Whisperer and I hope she can use them. I also told her she is a lot bigger than the dogs...so she should be able to control them and not let them control her all the time....they tend to rule the house with their barking and misbehavior.
I told her Al anon works in life...even when you aren't dealing with an alcoholic....I wasn't too pushy with her..i am hoping my suggestions help.
I would love to hear other experiences you have had using Al anon to help you even when you aren't dealing with an alcoholic.
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Monday 17th of November 2014 01:34:07 AM
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Monday 17th of November 2014 01:37:52 AM
I share also keeping my Al-Anon affiliation anonymous. I empathize sometimes with "I understand what you're saying (or where you are at)" I've been there myself and even have said the same things you have said...I might share some of the negative outcomes when I handled it the pre-program way before sharing experiences regarding changes I learned and now practice. I share and then let it go completely cause outside of the program I am no one else's sponsor or counselor. We say we share our ESH...experiences, strengths and hope and then let them take it from there so the miracle can begin and talk hold. Try taking her to a couple of your meetings or letting her read some of the literature and see if that supports new understanding. ((((hugs))))
One of the things that I've wrestled with is poor customer service in groceries, banks, utility companies and department stores. I've lived long enough to know the difference between what used to be - your customer is your employer versus today's get in line, shut up, give me your money and get out. Al-Anon has helped me change what I can - my response to poor behavior on the part of the worker and accept what I can't change - the bad attitude of the worker. I also refuse to do what isn't my job to do in groceries - I won't bag them or load them in the cart since the worker has insurance if they injure themselves on the job and I don't. If I don't like the way one company does business, I'll find another company if I can or ask for a manager if I sense the employee can only go so far in my favor and I want what has been promised to me. I've also stopped wearing myself out shopping in places that don't have enough clerks and the clerks they do have are busy talking to each other and not to the customer. I buy on-line more often than not and enjoy avoiding those line up, shut up lines whenever I can. Live and let live works well for me in these cases as does the Serenity Prayer's wisdom. When CSRs see me to be a "problem," because I won't do what isn't mine to do or ask for what I want or need as a person who believes the store's "We're here for you," then Your opinion of me is none of my business works well, too, as I continue to treat myself with respect by doing what I know works for me and refusing to do what I know won't.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 17th of November 2014 04:53:58 AM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 17th of November 2014 04:56:37 AM
The 12th Step suggests that I practice these "principles in all our affairs" and I find it works . I no longer will surrender my serenity to anyone for any reason. Placing" principles above persoanlities" (mine included) is my go to response.
I smiled when I read your post Kenny because before I walked through the doors of Alanon I used to watch the Dog Whisperer and embraced some of the techniques for my marriage! Then we got a dog, so that helped.
The main alanon tool that I have applied to my working life is to speak up when I am being asked to do something that I do not feel comfortable about. I might have to change careers as a result, but I like myself better for it!
New life: I guess we have to practice these principles in ALL our affairs. I am noticing that is easier to deal w/ non-alcoholics using the tools I learned in Al anon. It is not always easy w/ people that don't share our common bond but it least we can share some of our experience, strength & hope w/ others.
