Health insurance...should I take him off? - Al-Anon Family Group

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Health insurance...should I take him off?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Well, NLG, since you asked - No. I say that because you are legally married. If he gets sick - which he may - and ends up with multiple bills from hospitalization, etc - I'd think you'd be legally bound to help pay those bills or a lien might be placed against what assets you both co-own? From what you've written, it also appears that perhaps you might be trying to force a solution - his getting a job - something we try to guard against doing in Al-Anon?

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

I am still going to cover my ah till we are divorced next feb or march.
Then he will need to get off my insurance.You might have to take yours off
When you get divorced also. It is a life event i need to report it then he can go
cobra(self pay same policy no co pay from employer) they write the letter to
him notifying of change Of benefits.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree completely with G2B . Health Insurance, even when divorced is a negotiated item .

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Good point G2b I guess I could end up with hospital bills. I didn't even think of that.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Find out about bills, in oregon you would not be liable for a penny if you do not sigh anything at the hospital.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't think it's about insurance. You are still obsessing about him and getting upset at his poor choices. I understand it's not fair and it means you probably wont get the financial support and will incur costs you shouldn't because he refuses to work and pay bills and is running the house into the ground (literally and financially). All this is maddening - let go, (step 2 and 3) because you have no control over it. Stay inside your hula hoop (as we say) and that is symbolically the issues that ARE under your control. If you step out of that hoop, you will lose your serenity. Every time.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I get the idea about not enabling though...to that extent, I can understand not wanting to keep him insured.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

I was looking at this as enabling him by keeping him on my insurance. I will wait and let a judge decide. I know I need to detach more, but I also won't let him get away with anything he wants.

-- Edited by Newlife girl on Sunday 2nd of November 2014 11:10:33 AM

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Newlife girl wrote:
I was looking at this as enabling him by keeping him on my insurance. I will wait and let a judge decide. I know I need to detach more, but I also won't let him get away with anything he wants.

-- Edited by Newlife girl on Sunday 2nd of November 2014 11:10:33 AM

and ya know i get this, i relate...However , i agree with Pinkchip...as i read your posts, i see obsessing over him and what happens to me when i obsess over another??? I abandon me...I get out of my centered self and that is dangerous territory.....you didn't cause his behaviour....you can't control it...you are not gonna cure it....remember the old THREE C's......

when i am centered/focused on me, i fare much better dealing with life, situations, people, etc........i see a need here to LET GO, let nature take its course with him, detach detach....and consult your atty, re: YOUR rights and how do you protect you......

its frustrating to do all the work and he does nothing...my first X was like that...a real loser...user, parasite....irresponsible....i absolutely began to hate him, till i finally walked away, he was toxic, a spiritual vampire, and i walked...i had no job, no money, but i knew i would find a way to take care of me adn i did...it wasn't easy, but where there is a will, there is a way........

maybe you can find a good meeting where you can get some good esh from the older folks in alanon who have been there , done that as to how to keep yourself centered on you.....hanging out (meets) with folks taking care of themselves, helps ME in MY life keep my coda stuff in remission....

good luck , sending encouragement to keep the focus on you

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