The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
anything you have to calm my mind, body, spirit and emotions. That's what I was praying yesterday after a major reaction spiced by my PTSD disability. One of the guys where I work made the decision to target and victimize me with a delusion he was entertaining and then finished it off with a threat to damage my wife and my car with his truck. I have absolutely no idea what was going on with him mentally and emotionally and I got triggered. He was sooooo far from reality which had nothing to do with me however it seemed he was waiting for me and somehow had made me the target for his insanity and threat. I don't get defensive...I get aggressive and am blessed that I was allowed a bit of verbal heat as he moved beyond range. I called him on his reality which knee jerked him a bit and then my compassion and empathy boxes were empty. I was leaning toward confrontation while deciding to do something else to distract my plans which eventually led to a talk with my spouse who works for the same firms I contract to and then I went to the boss, a female who wants to and likes to see the "whole picture" all aspects and colors and sizes which I realized later worked for me cause it gave me time to inventory the picture and see more healthy and self affirming solutions.
I don't trust people who cross my boundaries and make threats. Its puts me on guard which is the front door of my PTSD and I get hyper-alert which is very tiring. While a side of me was wanting to find out what the heck was going on with him another side acknowledged that I am not his counselor or sponsor or such and I should take the attitude of caring less which was/is more self protective and as I told the owner/boss the situation puts the business on a huge liability threat since he is an employee of theirs and I am a contractor. She acknowledged it and agreed we were doing the right thing face to face.
This afternoon she advised me that she had spoken with the employee and finished their conference with he should take care of it man to man...face to face. Actually I am not ready for that or open to it yet because past experience as a therapist supports the awareness that if his problem was there before hand and I didn't know what it was then just because of a conversation I have no assurance that it isn't there still and I am still the target. I am concerned with my reaction history which while the program has helped me to alter quite a bit I still know that the "other personality" is still awake and ready to act out. Hyper-alert condition is exhausting as most enablers and co-dependent people affected by an alcoholic/addict condition are aware.
This is HP and sponsor times. HP is here and I will see sponsor in the morning. I am secure at the moment. It will only get better. ((((hugs))))
I love that you see you are not his counselor or his therapist and that he crossed a boundary of yours and because of that you don't trust him. I wouldn't either. Fear can be such a monster in our lives if we let it be that. Who knows what he's afraid of? It appears you know what you are afraid of? Good that you know exactly whom to consult for help with this. No man can take your dignity or your self respect from you no matter how scared he might be. I'm glad you didn't let him. You chose not to act in fear and went to talk with someone who cares about you instead.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 31st of October 2014 11:49:34 PM
It sounds like an awful experience for everyone but particularly you. From what's written here, it sounds like you've made a lot of progress with anger. Good job working Alanon. We don't have to show up to every fight we're invited to. Self actualized people like yourself have nothing to prove. Makes sense to keep away from this person. The lady boss is out of touch in my humble opinion. She may be well meaning but why go looking for the same trouble that found you in the first place?
Glad you and yours didn't get physically hurt and so very sorry for the trauma you're experiencing. You're in my prayers.
Maybe turn it over to your hp for safe keeping? (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I had something happen to me recently in which I went to a third party, one in charge and they said that I should meet face to face with the other and resolve our differences - problem is, they wouldn't get resolved because he was in the wrong and would never in a million years admit it and the third party lives his life with blinders on, thinking everyone can resolve things face to face. Face to face resolution sounds good, but in reality, some situations get worse with face to face rather than better. I wanted the boss-man to tell the other guy that he was wrong but the boss man instead said I had to work out my difference with him!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I need the feed back and thanks cause it aligns my perspectives which is so necessary. One of the foundation stones of my PTSD comes from being raised in the disease and the large number of physical and mental abuses that came with it. I learned how not to trust along with learning how to become aggressive with reaction. I also treated my alcoholic/addict wife to the consequences of it and in Al-Anon discovered that my alcoholic/addict wife was being held responsible for lots of things she wasn't guilty of. Yes I made the apologies and the amends are still on going. I have a slogan in my own program that "there is no justification for violence" which I have to keep on reciting often when events like this come about. Mahalo ((((Hugs))))
Acceptence Jerry F, we can't like everyone and everyone isn't going to like us, I have this too with a coworker, and just like many have already said face to face with these people is not going to work in any instance since we have no clue what makes them tick and attack us, in my case I try to not react, and jeez am I a big OVER REACTOR too, and boy is it hard not to, but when I react I am making it about me and it's not about me, I am owning their crap, because they want me too, what intrigues me is we can get a zillion compliments and yet just one of these people can send us all squiffy, Canadian guy springs to my mind here with one of his saying's, they have sick written all over their foreheads, It's not about YOU Jerry F, don't bite.
Im thinking about choices with this one jerry. You always have the choice and opportunity to make the choice thats right for you. Your higher power may have sent you this walloper for some practice detaching and doing the next right thing.x
I got into a confrontation once that was so bad there was nothing I could do alone to stop it. I finally just looked that person in the eye, said I was done and we will let the authorities handle it. I walked away and called. It ended forever.
I can walk away and let go because it's not worth my mind, body and spirit to let this person hurt me. I get enough of from family
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Awesome you were aware of your feelings/reactions quickly so as not to escalate this "man acting crazy". The boss initially seemed to act in a wise way, however, it seems that is where her wisdom ended. How does one talk "man to man"? What the hell does that mean? If it were me, I would not engage with this gentleman unless/until if seems like the right thing for you to do and I know you will know if/when that occurs. Now, the piece that I love when these situations happen to me is "what is HP's guidance/message for me"? (((Jerry)))
I have been thinking about this since I responded and the piece that kept nagging at me was this man's threat regarding your wife. You handled your side wisely, the boss did not and this man cannot, leaving your wife in possible danger. I don't know what I would do, I know I would be fearful of what he is capable of doing and it is bigger than an issue between you and him. Prayers, Jerry...you know we are here to help you process this.
I am blessed to have all of your responses. What wealth of Experience, Strength and Hope. How similar all of your mana`o (wisdom) is along with my sponsor's own this morning after my morning home group. I'm left with the need and yes desire to inventory it again because a big part of this is past abuses from early family and such. The PTSD is part of my journey and it is entrenched...not wrong or bad...just entrenched as the disease is, the habit of it all. I've got more to practice. I know it and about it I have to practice more so that I can build more normal/natural freedom from it. My sponsor and I shared an hour plus and I'm gifted for it. I can see the "whole" picture more clearly...With the frame gone...I can say or repeat "Admitted I am powerless over ______ and that my life has become unmanageable" and just after hear my former sponsor's question just after the admission...'So now what"? This is a do program...I have to have other "do's" rather than the reactions I compulsively use at times. I am grateful for the growth and yet as my sponsor and I both agreed about...our program is about progress - not - perfection. This issue has whiskers...a long white stringy beard...I was born with it; the mark of alcoholism...genetically pre-disposed. It takes a power greater than myself to keep me at arms length of it or farther. Grateful for this MIP family all everyone else who God has put in my life that offers me a chance to survive it. ((((hugs))))
