The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We have had some sobriety and got engaged. He slipped 3 months ago and the disease has progressed quickly. He has lost his job, me , friends and is mixing with some really unhealthy people. He does not contact me or any of his friends in recovery,
In my head I know it is the disease I am detaching but I am really having to fight the resentment and anger.
He has been in AA 5 years and had sobriety for 6 9 and 24 months. This last time maybe I let my guard down to much,
I am just so tired over understanding of supporting him through early sobriety.
This time he has left his son living in my house and I am carrying on but enough is enough!!
I am doing all the right stuff extra meetings, praying meditating, reaching out detaching with love where I can but the disease is still attacking me on my inside.
if anyone else attacks his character I am quick to defend but I am really hurt on the inside.
even though I know its not personal its hard to not feel that way,
just venting I am doing good really thanks to al anon .
At some point...yes you can judge and say...no more. Yes it is good that he at least gets some periods of sobriety. I have some folks I know in AA that take themselves out repeatedly in a similar pattern. I support them in meetings but don't get too close because I have observed from them that they are only willing to recover but so much and when they reach the harder parts of developing emotional sobriety/maturity, they bail. So, I don't support that up close and personal. Too painful.
You also stated "we" have had varying lengths of sobriety. I will challenge that with all due respect. His recovery has never been a "we" thing and maybe that's part of the problem right there. If all those sobriety periods were contingent upon you, the sobriety won't last. 2 years sober and on his own would be more telling. I do want to say your follow up with boundaries when he relapsed was amazing. Most people could not do what you did.
Wow thanks for highlighting the we bit. He hits rock bottom and I support him to pick himself up but he get some relief by going to meetings regular but not true recovery has not done the steps. He left rehab couple years ago half way through and said he would find a sponsor and go to meetings but stopped the work. Wow denial again on my part thanks again xxx
Tracy one of the acronyms we have in the program is QTIP or quit...taking it personal. It isn't about you and like Pink noticed you can take the "You" out of the "we". In Al-Anon we don't call our recovery sobriety because it isn't about our addiction to drinking. We call our recovery "serenity" as it fully describes our recovery from the insanity of living in the disease of addiction. If you don't like how the resentment is feeling use the opposite and get the opposite...forgiveness. If you don't like how the anger is feeling use the opposite and get the opposite...acceptance (of the fact that its happening not the moral judgment of it). Keep up the good work you've been doing for so long a time. In support (((((hugs)))))
