The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Megan, I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. I don't think you will have to pay for your ex-husband to live. He will be told "to get a job". That part about abandoning him with no means of support was actually hilarious! There is documentation that he was fired from his job, right? I would make sure you have a plenty of documentation on what's been going on. If he shows up drunk for court, that's another plus for you. Also, I don't know what state you live in, but I think he will have to split the savings anyway. My AH and I have ALL of our money separate. When I divorced my first alcoholic husband, I learned this. He acted like the house was his and everything. He did come out ahead on a lot of things and I was so angry. I did eventually let it go and I get along with him now. I didn't think I would EVER get along with him. Now I have my own savings, my own checking account, my own credit cards etc. I have money now and my AH has very little. I get to take vacations and he doesn't. Hopefully, you won't be like me and marry another alcoholic! Good luck. Those court papers always say crap like that to scare you and upset you. It's not as bad as it seems. Don't let them scare you and wear you down.
Thank-you for the information. Yes everything in my marriage is in my husbands name and he feels he should keep it all, thanks for sharing your experince with me. I live in NJ and the law says the money should get split 50/50 and he is kicking and screaming.
I will NEVER let someone else control my money and I pray to God I don't get involved with another alcoholic.
He did get a job 1/3/2006 after 3 years and 11 months not working. I think his lawyer toold him to do it. He makes 1/2 what I make and a fifth of what he made before he was fired.
Thanks for the encouagement.
Hi Doxie, thank-you for the hugs and the encouragement.
You guys are great
Megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
I'm finally completing my divorce, and went through much of the same thing....
They are trying to 'hook you', and get to your emotions.... Divorce is a legal transaction, and you need to honor yourself here. Try your best to keep the thought: "what you think of me is none of my business" in the forefront. The facts are the facts. Lawyers can try to distort them, but the facts remain. As long as you have competent legal representation, those things should prove to be rather irrelevant.
Just my two cents...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hello, Megan, I am sorry this is so difficult right now, but it sounds as if you are really taking care of yourself. Wow! That was amazing to find a woman who had gone through the same thing. And I love the posts you've received out here. Your post was helpful to me, too. I am in the process of learning about my anger. For me, I am learning that beneath my anger is fear and often sorrow or loss. Your tears remind me of that. I am grateful that you cried. please pray for me, too, that my anger, depression, and anxiety will give way to tears. Blessings, and thanks for being here. mebjk
Hi Tom, trying to "hook me" well they were very successful at that, knew right which button to push. I should have competant legal representation my sister the lawyer recommended the firm. "what you think of me is none of my business" I will print that one up and keep it on front of my eyes until it sinks into my brain, thank you
Yes mebjk I will pray for the release of your anger and the cleansing tears that start the road to wellness.
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
I talked to my A tonight and he pulled out all the stops. It became clearer to me what I am up against. When I read your posts and others I know that there is hope. In all the insanity there is beauty in everyone's will to try to cope and take care of themselves. I feel your pain as I feel mine but I also feel your strength as I hope to find mine.
Hi Megan I know this is just another hiccup on the road for you because you have so much inner strength. You are on the path to independence now. The only one you need to look out for now is yourself and that is something you can control. Big hugs. Keep posting . LUv Leo xx
I do see so much inner strength in you. The divorce world can get so ugly and cruel. My attorney who had my personal injury case said he got out of the divorce part due to it being so hard on his health. The games other lawyers play is so hard on some attorneys too. I am wishing you all the best and sending you positive thoughts and prayers for a good outcome. You sure had some great suggestions above and by reaching out you are only helping you. Yes, I belive in justifiable anger because we are human beings. It sounds like you are able to let it out in a safe effective way. ((((((((megan))))) keep us posted. xoxoxoxoxoxo cdb, your friend
I see you are struggling also and you are in my prayers that you will find your way, take care of yourself,
Hi Leo
Thank-you so much for the hugs and the encouragement. I am on the path to independence and I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and pray for the strength.
Hi CDB
Yes it is an ugly game. Thank-you for letting me know the attorneys have trouble coping with the crap.
Megan
Suffering but moving forward
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Megan: I am so glad that you are talking to people about the divorce as a business transaction. I have been party to some divorce stuff as I once worked in a psychologists office that deal with custody disputes. I do think it is a long drawn out battle sometimes. I also think that this kind of stuff of accusations of abandonment and more hit on our issues. The A obviously expected you to rescue him one more time. One more time you were supposed to sacrifice yourself for him.
My former A husband made up all kinds of stuff when we were divorcing. I had a pretty good attorney which was in itself a miracle. It took quite a while to settle (even though there was not much there). I would not anticipate that this stuff gets resolved overnight.
I think it is formidable that you are able to take care of yourself and still function. I got almost non functional at times when I ended a relationship the grief can be overwhelming. The magical thinking I had that I wanted to fix others in order for them to be "there" for me has and is still compelling for me.
I am so so glad that you have this room to come to and that you go to Al-anon good for you for taking care of yourself. What a great role model!
Thanks for sharing with me. I can relate to the “non functional” Some days I just keep making myself move forward with what I have to do.
Yes the A wants me to rescue him again, you are right, He told me he wants me to call of the divorce. When I asked why he said in case he wants top quit his job grrrr.
He made up stuff about me that is just bizzare
I am so thankful for MIP and alanon and having people to help me through this.
Magical thinking, I have not heard that term before but it is me to a T, and I am changing that too.
I am taking care of myself the best I can, some days better than others and ODAT
megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Huggs to you!! You are a very determined and strong woman~ Keep taking care of yourself and it is ok that you are angry. Alcoholism is too much for most of us to deal with..My prayers and thoughts are with you...Take care
