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Aloha my MIP family...just had to share a warp event from this morning. I have been taking an A/A (cross addicted) person to my morning AA by the Bay meetings both Saturday and Sunday versions. He doesn't have a whole lot of time; some and the desire and willingness. This morning just before I picked him up I call his number; his name is the same as my eldest son and guess who I got??...yeppers...eldest son who groggily mentioned he was on the mainland and groggily was an understatement. My son knew who was calling as I mentioned "I'm out side are you ready for the meeting" and then "Oh it's you...how you doing?" Never did understand the answer to that question so I hung up and made the other connection. Out to my truck comes the "other" same named guy and I knew he was under the influence. He got in the truck not making eye contact and I asked him what went on to which he responded "I screwed up". Okay nothing I can fix and I can still wear the shoes with memories from my own past and added to that 36 years of recovery. He was deeply into self pity and hate which of course is a sucky subject which I don't do well with either by myself on in a group with my HP just loving it when I cut it short and get into the growth side of our program. I get to share with him from both sides of the fence...Al-Anon and AA and am careful about what I share and my motives and connection with my HP. Took him into the group and left him to his own choices on how he wanted to use the meeting and then took him home. Reminded him of stuff one being you cannot do this "recovery" thing by yourself. If you try it will be as if you are using a practicing drunk to manage your recovery and I've never seen that work. He left me with a hug and we will repeat the process tomorrow God willing. God is always willing right? Its our willingness that brings us to the good stuff. Letting go and letting God as I stay willing and honest myself. Took some of my recovery library to the meeting to share with those who don't have as much and one of the members opened up a gifted "As Bill Sees It" and pointed to a well wishing from a past sponsor and his alcoholic wife from back in 83 and I had to laugh out loud at the memories of our relationship. Funny story...may I share it with you?
My sponsor's name was Jim and his wife's name was Marlene. Jim and I were in Al-Anon and she in AA. How she out lived his efforts to get and keep her sober no one will ever know and then thru the will of HP right? Anyway I want to do a 5th step and I agree that it was okay that Marlene was in the kitchen cooking while we did. Thing was there where times I would share a particular "wrong doing" in the dining room with Jim and Marlene could be heard laughing in the kitchen. We got thru it and when I was done and Jim asked if I was satisfied with the process and I said yes...he replied enthusiastically "Good...lets go get a beer"!! I had a huge reaction and can still here Marlene laugh...because she knew I wasn't only an Al-Anoner and could also use a meeting or two in the "other" room. I would not make that other room for another 5 years and was alcohol free for 9 years before I got there. Sounds weird?? No so much when you understand this disease and how cunning, powerful and baffling and patient it is. I am a qualified double...when I entered Al-Anon my skin color was putrid yellowish/green and five years later returned to my natural tan. I came to understand.
Maybe my eldest son will get that copy of As Bill Sees it....hmmmmm?? Mahalo for all of your ESH. With humility and gratitude. (((((MIP)))))
Jerry, sometimes I get lost in your posts. I always need to read them twice because I start to lose sight of what your saying and concentrate on the way you say it. Your writing style is lovely, its got a way about it, a richness and I see its a different level of understanding than I have.
I think your phone call to your son by accident is interesting, maybe not so much an accident or insignificant. Maybe his or your hp at work. These sons of ours, we love them and when im astranged from mine i find its always there, in my mind, never far from the surface. At least you know hes ok, alive and well, you heard his voice, he heard yours.
We get to our rooms when we get there. Isnt it strange to think that we all get what we need in the meantime. You going to alanon first then taking years to get to aa, yiu got there eventually and probably perfect timing. Sometimes i think, look at those years without this program, i could have had a great life for longer if id gone to alanon sooner but my timing was perfect for me. I had a bottom, lots of bottoms but this bottom revealled to me that i needed help, i finally out my ego in its place. Horrible little thing ego is. Ive got hope for my son because he needs the help but he doent want it yet. His higher power will give him the lessons he needs and it will all be for his own good. Despite what i think or want or fear. Thanks jerry.xt
I remember listening to a learned theologian in a workshop once. He was talking about his understanding of God in relation to a people who turned away from being their best selves and were being eaten up by their own pain, wounds, guilt and shame. They turned their minds and hearts away from being free and healthy and were drug through the mud of misery although God kept reaching out to them. Finally, God got enough and told them in no uncertain terms that until they were ready to make some changes, God was not going to be available to them. Then, the kindly theologian, a man in his late 70s or early 80s went on to say that the text he was reading also showed that God was like the father who practiced tough love. On the outside to the child, he might have appeared stern and unloving but when the father crawled into bed every night, he would turn to his wife and say: "Did he call?"
I hope he calls you, Jerry, with the words and the actions all parents long to hear from their wounded and muddied and miserable children. (((J)))
You are a great sponsor Jerry. I have seen a few great AA sponsors in my day and have witnessed at least two come to my son's home and drive him patiently to meetings. They took his calls at all hours of the day and he knew he was loved and that there was help.
Prayers for all whose lives are touched by this disease.
Awesome! The fact that you even notice these things is testament to your spiritual journey. I like that in most all of your posts Jerry, it seems like you are living in the 11th step. I'm not there yet, but I aspire to be.
How very perceptive this family is that you see the picture from angles I do not and then express your perspectives so that my vision gets clearer and more defined. That I learned is why I cannot do this journey alone and need others determined to reach the sanity I've been looking for. Your responses didn't as much touch my mind as they have touched my heart where my emotions live...how powerful that you can walk thru the door of that room so easily and bring understand and comfort...tears and smiles.
For now MIP is a reprieve for my spirit as I get to listen to other perceptions so that my own can broaden and give me deeper spiritual, mental and emotional understanding. It has always been that way since first arriving. El-Cee, Grateful, PP, Pink, Hotrod and my other MIP family members I know you know what you do for my life. I can single out shares and then I know that it is from all I receive here and in the rooms that have kept me trudging (ugly word) the path.
One of my self definitions of Aloha is "generosity of spirit". You all have Aloha and for that I am grateful. ((((hugs))))
I sorta like the word Trudging - the donkey with the carrot on a stick, trudging forwards; trudging calls to mind the head down not really looking, just taking the one foot in front of the other steps toward whatever the future holds. Sometimes when I feel like I'm trudging, the image of the donkey hits my mind and it calls up giggles which, well, what else does giggling do but make you feel better no matter how hard you try to stay in the trudging momentum of despair! If I recall Jerry, you start each day asking HP to put you where he wants you - gotta trust Him eh? Trudge along, no one trudges backwards!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I so agree with Grateful, Betty and Mark....ALL of the other esh'rs were spot on...so i don't have much to offer but yea, you are in the 11th step, alright, I see the aware, tenderness in your posts....seeing the beauty in the ashes of life....Jerry you write so lovely, and I, too hope your son calls.....Really I do...Meantime u took this other guy to meet, and did what was right by him, longing for a chat w/your son.....touched my heart (((((((((((((((((Jerry)))))))))))))
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
