Quitting my job - Al-Anon Family Group

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Quitting my job

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

TT I am proud of you of course. We cannot move fw if we don't....I was always afraid of losing my job and fought the wolves to keep it. When did tell them no more, they came after me to please come back and start a whole new program. no way.

You can only do better! We don't get new experiences if we stay stagnant and for sure that crap you swallow is making you sick! Hp does watch over you.

There are so few people who really want to work. Shame on those people who treated you badly!

Please keep us updated on your feelings, your new adventures and vents. I KNOW you will always be ok. Make sure you take time to rest and regroup.

I also know the wanting to call mom, mother. It can be so overwhelming sometimes. So many memories, so much about us that reminds us of our moms. We were fortunate to have loving moms who always made us feel safe and at home!

hugs honey, good for you!!!

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

The work environment sounds malicious and sick. You must be a threat to them to trigger such bullying behavior. You are wise to use your al anon tools and to write it out for you and us to see; you will make the right choice for you, on your behalf. Hugs, T T.

I got so involved in the workplace, I did not address the most painful piece of your post, the void of loss. I am sorry you are missing your mom.

-- Edited by PP on Friday 10th of October 2014 06:36:05 AM

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

TT: I'm sorry you are missing your Mom - the person you believe loved you the most from what you've posted here? I'm not your Mom. I don't even know how many years there are between us. But, I'm going to say to you that if you were my daughter who I knew was a good person and was doing her best at her job, I would say that I trusted you to make the best decision you can make to honor yourself in the circumstances you are in. I'd also say that I have watched you stay in hell trying to make the best of it for several years. That there could come a time when what you are experiencing can lead to physical burnout and hospitalization or PTSD. I might ask something like: "If you could do anything you wanted to do and nothing was stopping you, what would you do?" Then, I'd probably add: I love you. I respect you. I trust that you know what you know and you know what you are experiencing. Is this job worth this suffering to you anymore? Then, I'd make you your favorite meal and we'd sit together following it sharing stories of things you enjoyed as a child and all the wonderful or funny things that I watched and heard you do. I wouldn't make the decision for you because I'd know that I couldn't - its your road to walk. But I'd be there loving you for you and knowing you'll know the right thing to do for you.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

If a relationship or a job is making you miserable, move on in a thoughtful and practical way. The ability to make my life what I want has been awesome. I love that I can choose not to suffer.

Now for me, I have to question if I might be leaving a job because I think the grass will be greener somewhere else. That's different though than hating a job and knowing you hate it.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((TT))) I do understand the sadness that you experienced over the loss of your mom and am glad that you are able to come here and share your pain and concerns. It certainly does sound as if the new position is very stressful and although you are an expert in the field , the negative vibes from your coworkers in the department are making your position untenable. I have experienced very similar activities in the workplace and so understand your decision.

I do know that in my firm if an employee was laid off or fired they were awarded two weeks severance for each year they worked and if they resigned they walked away with nothing. Many of my friends viewed their options and decided to keep showing up, doing the job and let the chips fall where they may. Many departments were eliminated and they were then awarded severance pay. Since I was only a few years from retirement, I too stayed with the same attitude. I retired successfully when I hit 65.

I know you will make the right choice and pray for a positive outcome

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

Bless your heart,

I loved what Grateful wrote about if she were your mother. I'm so glad you had a loving mother and I hope you can hear her sweet voice in your mind.

It must have been sickening when you saw what they did to that other woman with trumped-up charges. What a toxic mess.

I always quit my little jobs when things started going South. I wasn't building a career, and the only way I could afford to have them at the salary they paid was because Husband was supporting the household and I spent what I earned on clothes for me and daughter. I used to think of course you hired me--I can do this and I am dressed professionally, and this is one of my hobbies--coming here every day. It was about like WalMart today--underpay people miserably and then hand them a brochure on how to apply for Welfare.

Said all that to say this: I have no idea, and I am rooting for you to do what takes the best care of you. I admire you very much.

Hugs,
Temple

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

TT I'm thinking the manager might be working with you because someone savvy clued him or her to the face that you are in a hostile working environment. (What I am referring to applies to employers in the US with more than 15 employees.) The co-worker proudly saying each item of her hatefulness wades in multiple categories protected by employment legislation (www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/).

You could push it.

you deserve better.

I also thought of what a goooood job your mother did raising you. You are a loving daughter - and you think carefully before making a move. Who wouldn't be proud of such a tribute to your raising?

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Thank you sharing your experiences and offering support concerning this. I submitted my letter of resignation this morning. When my supervisor arrived at my office to participate in a meeting with myself and the head of the team that I am assigned to, I mentioned I had emailed her the letter. She had not checked her email on the way to my office. She said are you sure? I gave her a feasible explanation that didn't have any implications concerning the company or anyone in it. She told me she had driven in from her office to support me in the meeting. I told her I knew that and very much appreciated it. I told I'd felt I'd gotten lucky twice - with my former supervisor and now with her. She just lit up. It was nice to see. She gave me a big hug and we hardly know one another. It really is a shame that she is just this little in between person to whom I report and not the person I am directly reporting to in person all day all. Funny how the sane and fair ones with people skills are rarely in charge. When you get a good one, you're grateful. She has many years in the company so despite frustrations like you, hotrod she would rather stick it out than let them beat her. For me, I'm not a kid but I also don't have many years invested there. Temple you're right it was sickening to witness such a sweet person as my coworker feeling so broken. I felt I passed that office at that moment so hp could reveal what in the not very distant future things could look like for me too if I choose to stay there. When my supervisor and I met with this team I work for, they were stunned that I was leaving or at least they pretended to be. They didn't express any disappointment however lol. I told them that I would try to get the work done they needed before I left in two weeks. My supervisor and I began to talk shop as to how we could put a dent in correcting their departmental mess before I left. They sat there and occassionally told us they themselves didn't know how to perform the various tasks we were discussing. It felt good to physically hand back to them a big stack of files. My current supervisor told me I should speak with my former supervisor before I left because she's well respected and a great person. I agree. She said I wouldn't doubt that she would have good things to say about you. So... it's done. Other than the bf, the people I just mentioned, you guys are the only ones who know. I may keep quiet about it at work until I'm closer to my last day. I'm not completely sure how my feelings will be as reality sets in but I do know I made the right decision. It's like a huge weight was lifted off me. I had mentioned to my immediate supervisor earlier in the week that we might have lunch when she came in. She had to head right back to the office but said she would be in again before I left and we should go then. There was this lull that happens when so much has been said and good bye seems to be what would naturally be said next. When she ended our conversation with the plan for lunch I just said,"Well then... I'll see you soon!" She smiled and said, "Have a good weekend!" and I smiled back and said, "Ya know... I think I will."

I feel like there are a world of possibilities now. What a change from that constant feeling of being pushed down and having to constantly push back. Thank you for your kindness, wisdom and support. Thanks too for the mother's love stuff (((grateful))). We can all use a little of that at times. (((everyone))) TT

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Thanks so much (((Jill))) That's very much appreciated

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

((TT)) It's so human to want the kind of comfort provided by your Mom, and it's so human to want basic respect from others, and more. Today, your resignation has paved the way for change. I'm glad you had the courage to make this change and also continuing to work on until the end date. I have done this in the past, and once it catapulted me to my next job - which was amazing. Sending prayers for comfort and a hug for celebration for a new start.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

I don't want to miss thanking any of you personally for posting. (((Debilyn)))) I've known you the longest and I think it's reached a point where it's like sitting across the kitchen table and just looking at one another and knowing what's ailing the other. I so appreciate being on this journey with you. Thanks for the encouragement as I venture out for a new and better experience.

((PC))) I've been following your recent posts and I'm glad for the new opportunities that you're finding in your career. This seems to be a time of wonderful energy for you with your marriage, getting out of that old workplace and getting your current position and more. I have some nice scholastic backing at this point and some experience. I started later in life than some due to many things that brought me into Alanon. I honestly believe life is mostly about connections with like minds and the opportunities come from that and less about formal education and particular professional experience. Of course there are certain careers where a particular skill set is absolutely required but in ones with more flexibility, I think it's about who wants you around. I plan to hang out more with people who passionate about the things they are doing and learn and explore some new things. I may opt to take a part time job that excites me for now rather than a full time one that's dull. I can at least try that for awhile. I need now to relax and to let things be more fluid in order to attract that kind of good energy I think. This is a way of letting go and letting god for me - to trust. Thanks for sharing with me.

(((pp))) Thank you so much for your support. Thanks too for your kindness about the loss of my mom. My post is very long, no worries. I know you are a dear and caring person. I'm glad you keep coming back.

((hotrod))) I understand what you went through at your workplace as an long time worker there. I watched my dad go through that and felt so bad for him. I'm glad you got through it. You're right about the severence but I can do anything while healthy. Stress can take a toll so I chose to get out and go forward. I'm glad I could afford to make that choice at the moment. Thanks for sharing.

(((temple))) Thanks for sharing about your experiences in the workplace and the jobs you had and how you chose to move on. To be honest with you, in middle age or later I think many of us are taking that path not through choice but necessity. You really need to be a bit creative and definitely open minded about job change and job choices. There simply aren't as many professional jobs in certain fields as there once were. So many people are underemployed. I think the kind of jobs you describe can be fun but you do make a good point, employers get a lot of mileage out of getting professionally people who are just looking for a little extra income. However what I really like about what you said is that I might adopt the attitude of having security through a non existent husband and relax about job security in my next position. :) Thank you for sharing.

(((grateful))) Thanks for helping me remember sweet memories.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

(((((((bud))))))))))))) Thank you, my dear friend.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm very glad you've made this choice, TT. Very glad.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I am glad, too, TT that you made this choice for you. I believe wondrous things are waiting....

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

Good for you, TT for taking care of you the way that feels best to you. . And all best wishes as you go forward. '

That link Jill gave you--I wonder if that would be useful to the other woman. Have no idea if it works in the case of lying and brow-beating, but surely she has the right to research what protection she has?

It was so interesting to read everybody's input. There are some high-powered people on here. Oh, and I can't remember what I've told to whom. I had a nice wardrobe, but I've only ever had clerical jobs. We moved halfway through my stint at University--a professor my same age said she'd wait for me to get my Bachelor's and Masters and then we'd go to Notre Dame for our PhDs. It sounded far-fetched, but I thought why not? And I never did get back to it. So I never did develop any advanced job skills. That's why I had no input on the big decision. Haven't been there, haven't done that. And I am in awe of those of you who have.

Hugs,
Temple

-- Edited by Temple on Friday 10th of October 2014 08:50:50 PM

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