The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been reading on passive aggressive behaviour and oppositional defiance behaviour, since my daughter is watching (and learning) those from her dad. The memories of things he always did is flooding in, and I am stunned how I put up with so much crap for such a long time...
Like when I got for free from a very kind soul an amazing bread-maker machine, the best one in the market and very expensive. I started making all kind of breads and cakes, it used to make me so happy and I was sharing my breads and cakes with friends, neighbours etc...now, STBXH never ever cared to even try none of my creations and instead spent time criticising how the bread-maker looked ugly in the kitchen, how I got it without his permission, and how it was so much easier and convenient to just go and buy bread from any shop...and I respected his opinions and acknowledged he was his own person with different philosophy and tastes and let it go...but one day I found the bread-maker sitting on my bedside table...I asked him why? He said I could make the bed on my side of the bedroom if I wanted to...
I ended getting rid of the bread-maker. I wish I had storage where I could have kept it and now that he is leaving I could be using it again.
Anyway, today I cooked dinner for myself and kids and he kept going on and on and on about the wonderful smell. I am not cooking or sharing food with him, but out of kindness I told him there was some food left and he was more than welcome to help himself to it...BINGO, after the kitchen was sparkling clean he went there, cooked something for himself only and left all the mess behind. And he didn't do it because we are separating, no, he always did it. Again, I always respected that, he is entitled to his own taste but leaving the mess behind seeing the kitchen was spotless is so disrespectful...I tried to talk to him many times about it, but what is the big deal? A few pots and pans and plates and oil splattered everywhere and crumbles...and the left over food still on his plate on the worktop (instead of in the bin)...why not? sure I can clean it again, not a big deal, why I make such a big deal out of it? He works hard and he is always tired you know? Why can I just not clean after him now and again? (always).
I am not upset. He finally has a moving date now. Deposit is paid and everything. I am just looking forward to move back to my bedroom. I need to get in there now and then to get a few stuff and honestly I almost vomit sometimes. It stinks in there, it is disgusting...the mess is horrible and it is coming on the top of my things too. He has stuff half packed and half unpacked, it is crazy...he hasn't had a shower since the beginning of September and hasn't washed his clothing either. And no it isn't because we are separating...I was the only one to clean and organise the bedroom, wash his clothes and nag him to have a shower since I couldn't sleep next to him very often..it was a source of many arguments.
I wonder if one day he will realise his behaviour. Or will he find a new partner who will complain about the same things and see it isn't me...Or he will go downhill and all the blame will be put upon me by himself and his family.
Anyway, I am not focusing on him that much. He has a moving date and is keeping quiet at the moment with some outbursts of saying stupid things or being generally selfish. But because he is out of the work until the 20th he is here all the time, my daughter plays up and I never relax properly or get things done properly. But just until November.
Things are getting a lot better.
-- Edited by Luiza on Wednesday 8th of October 2014 03:32:38 AM
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Yes. 25 days. But it feels scary sometimes. I would never think I would feel anything other then relief but it does feel scary.
But I guess once I stabilish a routine again and organise my finances properly it will all be ok.
His is due back to work on the 20th. Until then he has nothing to do a part from drinking, watching crap TV, making mess, playing online games and undermining my parenting. His boss called today asking him to go back to work on the 13th. I was celebrating inside but then he called again after 5 minutes to cancel it. Nice joke HP. I guess I still have a few more lessons to learn. And I need intensive lectures.
Will keep working it.
-- Edited by Luiza on Wednesday 8th of October 2014 03:33:38 AM
__________________
Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Woo-hoo for you!25 days to a house the way you like out,and space for joy to move in! My ah has announced he is going to "re organise this house" when like ur stbxh, he cant even empty a plate after he's done. Your share was just what I needed to read this morning.
