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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Difficult doesn't have to mean miserable.
Post Info TOPIC: Difficult doesn't have to mean miserable.
missmeliss


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Difficult doesn't have to mean miserable.
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Daughter has a friend staying with us.

Rather than staying at home trying to do things one handed and being angry and sad, I decided, stuff it, the weather is nice, the packing and cleaning aren't going anywhere, and I need to get a bit healthier and happier before I am going to make any headway with this job. (I get useless and stupid when I am overwhelmed, and packing overwhelms me good and proper. Childish, I guess. But this program has been helping me grow up so, you know. Progress, not perfection and all). So the kids and I have been spending our last few days AWAY from this house, being at the beach, handing out resumes everywhere and going to house inspections and applying for places. The weather has been glorious.

 P1010804_zps58eb014a.jpg

Nothing has changed as yet. I still have no job or place to go to but I've been doing everything I can to make it happen so, you know. What else can I do? Apply for jobs, look for places and try to get myself healthy and happy. Be a good mum, enjoy the school holidays with my child...

The A can't BELIEVE I have been going to the beach with the kids or that I am not upset and freaking out because don't I understand that we have to move out in 4 weeks? He seems to have just realised. He hasn't made a phone-call or looked at a newspaper or done anything at all about the situation. I have looked at more than 15 places, submitted applications, applied for a zillion jobs, and done basically everything possible. But what I am NOT doing, and the thing that I have given myself permission NOT to do is sit inside and WORRY and be MISERABLE about it. And I feel good knowing that i don't have to do that anymore.  But I understand his shock and confusion because once I thought the same way as he does...when there is a problem the best course of action is to be as worried and sad and angry as you possibly can, and wait for someone to notice and fix it for you. lol.

Anyway I also  have it in mind that historically, during times of high stress like this, I become overwhelmed and sink into depression which I find very hard to crawl back out of. This is the 3rd "homeless crisis" I have been in since I began living with A, and each one has left me in a pretty deep dark hole. But I have new tools now. I don't need to punish myself or wallow in misery. I have learnt that the hard things are MUCH easier when I look after myself and allow myself to experience good things right along with them. I can put one foot in front of the other and do the next right things, and I can also smile and enjoy the good things in life because problems don't get solved by being miserable at them!!!

Anyway someone posted this on facebook tonight and I liked it I think it's a nice thing to aspire to.

10625101_525006344301873_4563777187279314112_n_zps691b7c60.jpg

 

 

 

 



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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Sweet Stanley


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"Like" the posting...."Love" your attitude!

 



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Sweet Stanley
PP


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Great, uplifting post, Melly. The water looks gloriousaww



-- Edited by PP on Tuesday 23rd of September 2014 01:02:16 PM

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Paula
missmeliss


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That is exactly right, Paula. I was very isolated and my only contacts were my family and A's family; all of the conversations and focus were on A and what he was or was not doing and how I should manage him...UGH!!!!! And I HATED myself and was drowning in shame. There was no ME in any of it, my closest relationships were about A and his needs.
I picture it like this...a long, long time ago when I was young, I was playing hide and seek. But when it was my turn to hide, everybody forgot and no-one came to find me. So instead of coming out, I stayed hidden and cried that no-one had come to look for me. I stayed hidden, resentful and crying for so long that eventually even I forgot to look for myself. Any wonder I am so excited about being out in the world now, I've been hiding in a cupboard for all these years, lol!

What a difference al-anon has made so far, supportive friends and a little validation and care and voila...I'm being taught to do what I thought I couldn't ever do for myself.
Magic!!!

By the way my parents are coming for a weekend in a couple of weeks, stepdad is going to fix the damaged plaster and the broken door and dismantle the trampoline etc, and mum is going to oversee my packing (she's a pretty good foreman lol!) so that's a real relief and it makes it seem less overwhelming. I don't know if this sounds stupid but I have a real problem with packing; I find it so daunting and distressing that I almost curl up in a ball and shake lol. I just don't know where to start, I am TERRIBLE at it. My mum is of course aware of this shortcoming of mine and she's very good at giving me directions and helping me order my chaos. I'll be so grateful for the help.





-- Edited by missmeliss on Tuesday 23rd of September 2014 01:15:24 PM

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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
PP


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I am so glad you have help.  I deleted part of my post as I didn't want to be offensive in any way.  I have so loved watching you come out of that cupboardsmile



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Paula
missmeliss


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I wasn't offended

I so love that painting, I want it on the wall of my new place!! (Wherever that might end up being).


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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
PP


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Well, you just let me know....I sold the original, but I am exploring options for making printssmile



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Paula
el-cee


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Good on you mel, it truly is an amazing program. Pp, your painting is beautiful.x

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grateful2be


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smile



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Debilyn


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I so get it. I used to cocoon up. now i just keep living. when I had a bank account i always screwed it up. I finally got where I just could not control something so who cares?

learned this about lots of stuff. so you are not out in 4 weeks, you are doing your best. so you might be there longer.it can take up to 4 mo or more to evict here.

so healthy dear one. I start packing as soon as I get that feeling, hey I want to move! take things off walls, pack things I don't need. I used grocery bags last time not boxes, went sooo much easier.

Is that you and kiddo or her friend. dog? neat dog!

Yes things will come together as you keep up on searching. hugs you silly woman! (c:



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missmeliss


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Ah Deb, we have many similarities, now I see where we are different. I am EXCELLENT with money. Except when there is an A around batting his eyelashes and asking if he can borrow it "until tomorrow". Before I let A move into my house I had thousands in the bank, my rent was paid months in advance, my bills too, and I was living well on a pretty small weekly paycheck.
But packing stuff?
Taking things off the walls and shelves and putting it into boxes...that makes me curl up in fetal position. lol. It's just so UNNATURAL.
That's kiddo and her friend and our dog. On the beach opposite the house we used to live in. I put in an application for a little house just around the corner from there, today. I want it I want it I want it.


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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Temple


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Sounds like a plan to me: Lots of things are sucky? Hit the beach! I did that once for 3 months. One of the best things I ever did for myself.

Good for you! If I were there, I'd help you pack. I'm good at "stuff triage." Give, dump, pack. The closer it gets to moving van, the more goes in the first two categories. I love to move. With my daughter and my current Yard Angel, that makes 3 people in the world I've ever known who can say that. Well, 4; one former neighbor.

We moved halway across the country one year and 11 months later moved the same distance back and farther south. A lot of things that made it on the van the first time did not get to make the return trek. And the first move, my piano got a rope burn across its lid and I detached a whole lot from things with that.

I'm so glad your mother and stepdad are coming to help. I thought of you when you mentioned repairs, and he's coming.

Oh, I hope I'm not feeding your anxiety talking about it. You get to feel the way you feel. Let Mama handle it. You get to be somebody's child again for a little while. She gets to love you. I am thinking she must be so happy to see you and ABF coming to a fork in the road.

Bless you. You are such a winner. Beautiful girls and doggy and view.

Hugs,
Temple


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Mattie


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"Difficult doesn't have to mean miserable" -- I ought to inscribe those words all over my house so I can see them.  It reminds me of the saying "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."  Maybe the best saying would be "Let's go to the beach!"  smile



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hotrod


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Good work Melly Great picture

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Debb


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Missmeliss, wishing you and your daughter all the best of outcomes!!

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