inappropriate comment? - Al-Anon Family Group

lgnutah · Senior Member

inappropriate comment?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Ignutah)))

MY son passed from alcohol poisoning after being in and out of several detoxs and rehabs. My friends and family thought they were comforting me with the exact same words. I did understand .

This disease is a form of insanity and people do not know how to give comfort. Your husband received a frantic call from a child in distress, he said what he thought would help his daughter cope with the loss and did not think any further. I think I would forgive him let it go.

In my opinion, I sometimes do believe death is the answer.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with Hotrod and I also don't think that your daughter will commit suicide because her Dad said this or because her friends did. We don't know what our children will do or not do and although suicide is a very real possibility it is also a real possibility that they can decide to get help that will work for them. I have known people who looked like they were marching straight to the grave and then re-encountered them at a later date and was surprised by their health and their new outlook on life because they entered recovery programs or other helps and decided a new way of life. I am not an addict or an alcoholic. I was one of those who was marching straight to the grave with suicide on my mind. My HP came in through an open window in my mind and heart and changed my mind. I lived. I survived. I thrived. Don't count your daughter out in your mind. Look at her strengths. Look at her gifts. Look at her loving heart. Turn her over into her HP's hands and trust that her HP is with her and will be with her when you cannot. My parents were not in the room with me when I was contemplating suicide but HP was and knew exactly what to do and what to say that helped me live another day. I am not special. I'm just another human being on the face of this earth and yet I was known and loved by a Power greater than me who helped me face my own pain and get help for it. There's no reason to believe HP cares any less for you or for your daughter or your husband or the young adults who did die and regardless of what is beyond this mortal state, there is a Presence present to us all at all times who won't make black into white but can certainly whisper what we need to hear when we need to hear it if we're open to it. Your daughter's care for her friends and her turning to you in her own time of grief shows me an open heart.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with your husband too. In fact there were times I felt death would have been a relief for the people who love the a as well as the a. I do understand you feel fear for your daughter but your husband probably has the same fear too and if you have chastised him over this then maybe he feels even worse. I know when I was fearful for my son I tried to control everything in the false belief that I had power over him. I dont and neuther does anyone else. Your husband doesnt have the power to make your daughter drink or anything else.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Most the time people don't know what to say when it comes to this. He was doing his best to say something he thought was kind.

Myself I don't judge others about what they say or do. I have learned in Al Anon I can only control me.

Many of us do know what happens after death. Especially if we believe the Bible. Other religions also have their truths.

My thing is since we have no control, I would say we have NO idea if you answered if it would have made any difference. Maybe it was an accident? Maybe they would have done it another time. We have no control over that.

I would reassure her it had nothing to do with her.

I am sad your daughter has such serious drug problems. I hope you keep coming back!

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