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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> A little update....
Post Info TOPIC: A little update....
Yazzymedo86


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A little update....
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So I finally was able to talk to my husband two days ago.. For the first time in my life ( thanks to all of you) I was very calm when I spoke to him. I told him I loved him, and I always would but I can no longer support him and watch him destroy himself. That he has to handle the decisions he has made on his own. I also asked him not to sleep next to me anymore. He took that to a surprise and actually asked why? I gave him a hug in the end and I moved on. We don't speak at all. He cried at the end of the conversation, and said he had nothing to say to me. 

 

The same day he went to his moms house and went nuts on her because he wanted money. He never used to ask any of them because I was his personal ATM, but I promised I would no longer leave him money. Now his parents get to taste what I have been through. He did ask me for a pack of cigg. I got it for him, I just didnt leave the money for him. Is that okay? Or is that enabling. 

 

I am hoping that detaching and taking care of myself will allow him to take care of himself. I am actually praying a crisis happens to him so he wakes up, but I know I have to leave all that in Gods hands. 

 

Please keep praying for me, and giving me such wonderful support. I am trying so very hard to stay strong. I miss him a lot.... 



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Yasmen
grateful2be


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A crisis is and has been happening, Yasmen. Whether or not it will wake him up is yet to be seen. He went to his Mom's house and went nuts because he wanted money shows me the person who is very dependent on other people to take care of him. If he stops drinking, the rebuild starts from there. He is damaged as most of us are damaged and there is help and hope for him in AA if he chooses to get help in it. He has a better chance of doing that if folks refuse to give in to his temper tantrums or his apparent helplessness.

The Merry-go-round Named Denial pamphlet which can be downloaded and printed from the WSO Al-Anon website can be a big help for both you and his parents if they are open to reading it. Continued on-line meetings, reading our literature which can also be purchased from WSO Al-Anon or Amazon, time in the chatroom at our on-line meeting site, doing things you love to do or at least like to do, keeping your focus on yourself and living one day at a time and MIP can help with that are all things I recommend for you to help yourself through this crisis. Making gratitude and asset lists daily and using the Serenity Prayer at the start of the day and whenever things get difficult, confusing or mind boggling can also help you.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Debilyn


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The way you or I might take the cigs is one thing. For an A it is an open door that says oh just ask me nice I will get it for you. then they will keep bugging you. Plus geez cigs are not a need!

a strong boundary of I will not support you in any ways is a good one.

Myself I make it clear I am not their mother or whoever. I am me and I make my own decisions and my own boundaries. Good for you being able to say I don't want to sleep with you.

I never could understand how when things are so bad, how one could still sleep with that other person. I just know I could not, and in the end for me, I had my own bedroom and he his.

ONE day at a time.



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Debb


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Thank you grateful2be, "The Merry-go-round Named Denial" pamphlet really sent home the spousal piece of the Merry-go-round, very important to understand the need to seek Al-Anon guidance.

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 "Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie
grateful2be


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smile



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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Yazzymedo86


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Thank you guys so much ... He didn't come home last night, and went crazy on his best friend., because his best friend would not give him money either. I am guessing this just means he is getting sicker quicker, which is a good thing. I got a phone call at 2am, from his parents, and for the first time in my LIFE I turned my phone off and fell asleep. I have work early as I am a teacher. I realized I can not control his actions and he knows going back to rehab is his only option. OH, FORGOT to mention I went home to a note written from him telling me how is he is so tired, and he wishes he could stop but doesn't know how.

He knows exactly how. He was sober for 4 months. He knows he needs to go back to rehab but he is in DENIAL.

His mom travels today, and I AM SO HAPPY. One less person to enable him. I just have to hope his father doesn't give in.

I am so tired, and so overwhelmed. You guys have been major support for me! I love you all

Yasmen

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Yasmen
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