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Boy am I in a funk today. I feel like I got hit by a bus! I am emotionally and physically exhausted! Littlest one broke his arm on Wed, AH cancelled his dinner with kids last night, getting into swing of things with new job and meeting with lawyer on Tuesday. Lots going on. Unfortunately being sole care giver to two wonderful little people does not afford me the option of doing what I need to take care of me right now. I tried getting a babysitter, but none were available. I know I need a little break but HP does not have that in the cards right now. So I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and hope that this rainy day turns around....Any ESH would be greatly appreciated.
I was in those kinds of situations and if I could just take the kids to a movie or sit down and watch a video with them, I could get a break. Talking with friends when the kids went to bed helped, too. I also trained myself to go to bed by 10 and to get up at 5 or 5:30 so that I could have at least an hour or more before my son and later my daughter arose. Time spent with my HP helped tremendously most especially in the morning.
Ohhh my .. we are living parallel lives at the moment and honestly .. I'm wiped out most days especially with school, court, work, house and just doing it all. I don't count on my STBAX for anything in terms of a break .. he just doesn't care about anyone except himself and I'm actually ok with that part of the deal. I mean .. those are his choices and I am accepting that is where he is at .. I don't like it .. I can't control him .. that being said I have it a little easier I have a feeling my kids are a little older. Rule of thumb is .. for the most part my world revolves around what they want to do .. taxi and so on .. however .. there are days it is about ME. Friday nights are for ME .. that is my alanon meeting and I won't be rushed through that evening .. the kids get frustrated from time to time .. however .. it is also the one night that is mine. When dad is suppose to take them and they choose not to go .. that is ok .. again .. it is still MY time that means .. if I want to take them I do .. it is my right to say no .. it is my right to schedule what I need to do for me.
It is a hard balance to walk and they know I'm doing the best I can .. that a happy rested mom is much more likely to say YES than one who is crabby .. so a happy mom for them means they do a lot more .. they actually will push for me to do things for me.
If I can take just 20 min and do for me during a really stressful time .. it makes a difference. Is there something you can do without being interrupted such as reading a good book, talking to a friend uninterrupted, or taking a hot bath .. it makes a difference.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I hate those funk days..I think we all have them from time to time. I always tell myself this will pass so keep it simple and keep moving forward because a better life will come if it's in me.
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thanks all. I think the bigger picture of it all is what is hitting me. I am so ready to move forward, but am realizing what a long rocky road I have ahead. Patience has not been one of my strong suits! I get frustrated that I am the only responsible adult and have to continually sacrifice for the benefit of my kids. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly and am happy to be there for them. It's just that feeling that when do I get to truly be happy? Thanks to AlAnon I have started to make time for me, and I have had happy days. I need to hang on to those moments and keep reminding myself that things are much better than they were just a few months ago. Progress not perfection.
