The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yeppers...I daily wake up to the abbreviated 3rd step prayer (abbreviated because whenI use to do the long version my HP use to whisper "keep it simple Jerry F"). Knowing that I wake up in the presence of my Higher Power I ask "Place me where you want me...tell me what to do". Yesterday I got placed in front of the Ray Rice post the topic of which is a large part of my recovery journey. Yesterday morning I go to my job site and was approached by a young man in his early 20ies who acted like he had known me for a long long time. He was comfortable approaching me and talking about his life, how it had gone, how it was going and how he would like it to change. He didn't know my name or I his and he was there for a reason...place there for a reason and we spoke coming to the understanding that though we had never met before we were reinitiating our relationship. When he was leaving he expressed thanks and hoped that sometime later we could meet again. That was yesterday and I checked into the board and read the post and responses to the Ray Rice story. Of course part of how I approach it was from "What is my part in it...what is my part in violence whether domestic or more" I posted "Question? What is it that we do that has enabled the problem to continue and get more dramatic? What is it that we haven't done that has enabled the problem to continue and get more dramatic? How large is the problem and what have I done to reduce its size and affect within and outside of myself?
I know abuse and violence from both as a victim assaulted by both males and females and as a perpetrator. I know abuse and violence also as a healer and behavioral health therapist who helped others who were victims of violence from others and themselves change their lives. This question also is valid regarding alcohol and drug addiction and abuse...what have I done to enable it; what have I done to stop it?"
After I posted that I put myself in listening mode both to the board and to my HP..."Place me where you want me...tell me what to do". I spent a bit of time on the board and left for work using an indirect route. I decided to take care of some minor needs one of which was making a purchase at Home Depot and taking a little bit of time to speak to my favorite cashier who presents happiness every time I see her. Some times I get and give a hug for mutual reward; and when I left to go out to my truck there was a young(er than me) man standing along side his own truck opposite mine wanting to ask a question..."sure" We spoke and in large part about violence which he had been to prison for (did my time also) and was now out trying to come to understanding on how to move away from whatever it is that has caused him to resort to the use of violence in his life. He was surprised to a point that I understood it and had practiced it and had given up the practice of it by changing my mind, body, spirit and emotions and I told him some of what it is like for me today and he laughed at the thought of freedom from violence and then asked me for my phone number..."Can I call? Can we talk again ?" Sure...I gave him my phone number and we got each others names. That is part of what I have done to reduce the size and affect with someone who was purposely placed in my path after the post and after the 3rd step prayer.
This isn't the first time an opportunity to give back and give away what was lovingly and freely given to me by my HP. I know HP is standing over my shoulder reading with me and making plans.
I'm sure to let the family know what turns up if and when it does. Mahalo for stepping me. ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 10th of September 2014 09:43:58 PM
Good share, Jerry. I think the original post is a way to change things for the good, too. So glad that you stopped doing what was hurting you and starting doing what was healthy for you in the ways that were right for you. It's good to see so many miracles in progress on our board.
Ive never heard anyone open up about their shortcomings as openly and honestly as you. I think it highlights to me your committment to progress through honesty and your acceptance of the whole you. Sometimes there are posts that bring out deeper truths and I think thats what nlgs post did.
In my own experience aggression, violence, abuse have went hand in hand with alcoholism, as another symptom for both perpetrator of violence and the victim of violence. Both people have symptoms. Men who are violent or agressive to women may have came from an alcoholic home or are alcoholics themselves, another symptom of the family disease, just as the disease affects the wee girls who in turn are attracted to the alcoholic, searching for the familiar, the little boy also acts out and searches for what is comfortable or normal. To me its all the same disease. Im not saying any of this is acceptable or tolerable. Violence is often seen as the one thing that stands alone, a kind of evil but if your learning about the disease then it becomes more human and another part of the disease.
thanks for sharing, its an interesting topic and im glad you were there for someone and us here.x
There are an awful lot of unthinkable things that go on in our private lives that we don't talk about, things that I know I am ashamed to talk about and to admit I suppose, maybe those things are what hold us back from recovery fully, I think we need an understanding of how and why we behaved that way and we need examples of how to behave differently and what that feels and looks like, you put a lot of pressure on yourself Jerry F, because we look to you as our shinning example xxxxxxxxxxxx
love
Katy
x
-- Edited by Katy on Thursday 11th of September 2014 03:56:28 AM
I loved your share, Jerry. Your questions yesterday gave me pause for further reflection...more answers to come, I am sure. You are an" instrument of thy peace".
PP when I first came across that prayer on the back of the Just For Today pamphlet...it scared me literally. Asking HP to make me an instrument? No way I was trying to quit doing things of any kind for others especially because of the outcome I was expecting and wanting but then getting. I read the whole prayer and nothing about it was doing wrong or crazy...my expectations were. Up to that time I was doing with thoughts of what I would get back and so I said the prayer and still do. I understand that I am not the "only" instrument such as considering the MIP family I am in and all of the help and support it gives to others without expectation.
el-cee only one of the enlightening things I learned about alcohol and alcoholism when I got here was that "Alcohol will influence absolutely good people to do some of the most awful things in life and that is so very very true from my experiences. When consumed it releases inhibitions and a person may and will often do things they would not if they had not be under the influence of it. I know why, for me, the last word of the second step is sanity and not any other mental and emotional condition. It literally "alters" me mind, body, spirit and emotions. I become different...the person I would not want to be and do things I never would consider doing. I apologize for un-remorsed violence when that happens because doing the opposite is part of how my sponsorship taught me to recover.
Mahalo for all the feedback.
((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 11th of September 2014 12:20:21 PM
