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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Not doing so well...
Post Info TOPIC: Not doing so well...
Yazzymedo86


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Not doing so well...
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Its been two weeks since my husband left rehab. I was doing really well up until yesterday.  I spent the whole day crying. I feel so incredibly weak. Even when he was an active addict, before going to rehab, he never used to behave in this type of matter. After going to rehab, and since he relapsed, it has gotten so much worse. He isnt calling me or texting me. He is sleeping over someones house. 

 

He was doing so well for four months. I keep thinking maybe he is seeing someone else. I don't know if I should move on, or stick around. I know I have to stick to my boundaries, but as much as I miss him I am actually dreading the time he comes home. 

 

Should I ask for a divorce? Or should I just take it slow and to stick to my boundaries of not calling to check up on him, and asking him questions about his drug use, and providing money to him? 

 

His parents haven't called me either, and I keep wondering if I should call them and ask them to talk to their son. I know its pointless thought because he is avoiding talking to anyone really. 

 

I am actually praying so hard that a crisis happens to him so that he can wake up. 

 

Thank you for listening, you all make this so much easier on me, especially since I am so far away from home and my family.

 

 



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Yasmen
PP


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This is an incredibly confusing time, we here know what you are experiencing.  Are you attending face to face al anon meetings?  These meetings can be your saving grace...for now, it is best not to make any decisions outside of the decision to work your recovery.  Take care of you and the rest of your choices will come when you are ready to make them, and you will know what that time comes.  Stay connected here, read the many posts that are available and just soak yourself in recovery conversation.



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Paula
grateful2be


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I understand all the different thoughts and feelings and questions that occur "in the distance" between ourselves and the person we've been or are married to or concerned about because of their disease. In my case, I had no early experiences of alcoholism or drug addiction in my FOO and therefore had absolutely no knowledge of how to handle anything in relationship to my x and later with my son. What I could and would do in relationship to a healthy husband or child or even sick husband or child, I couldn't do without a lot of backlash that overwhelmed and confused me. Al-Anon gave me the education I needed to understand some of what was going on and the ways I could proceed and live with at the time. Only I could decide the next course of action to pursue for myself and I could do it with the help of my HP and working the program one day at a time. Taking care of yourself, as Paula suggests, attending meetings, sharing here and doing things you love to do or re-discovering those things can be a big help to you as you discern what is needed for you.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Debilyn


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i know you are hurting, I am so sad for  you.

You are doing the right things sticking to your program. Maybe what you need is to add something for you. just you. raise a kitten or puppy, volunteer at a thrift shop or animal shelter or people shelter and or food kitchen.

Take a class. go for every day walks. keep a journal. Keep you so busy with the other things you love until you are ready to leave him behind or...

We don't want to wait around for them to get onto a program. Their is no cure. So if we want to stay with them, then we need to see if the skills to do that are ones we want to do.

Its very hard when they do not come home. I have been there believe me. Mine always went to mommies house. rrrr

I love to go to the library and get books with pictures of things, art books with great paintings. I love to be in water

I think of my  life as full as is. If I am blessed with a man again that will be icing on the cake. More a want than a need.

For now, and I do get down and lonely sometimes, I am happy with my little farm/animal sanctuary, cooking great vegan food, doing fb. going to lunch with friends and seeing my grown son....

what do you want to do? What do you like? What is your passion? hugs comeback!



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
pinkchip


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Sorry this is happening Yazzy. You are seeing disease progression. Prior to really getting sober this time, I stopped 4 months once and when I started back, it was not picking up where I left off, it was WORSE. The body/disease wants to make up for the time it was sober and missing the drug. So...what you are describing is not unusual and I am just sorry you have to witness and go through this.

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pinkchip


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I wanted to clarify. It's not unusual in terms of the process of addiction and relapse. That doesn't mean this is just some ordinary life experience. Addiction is insane by nature and it sucks!

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cloudyskies


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I am so sorry Yazzy. I agree with the others. Please find Al-Anon f2f meetings. You really need that support. What you are feeling now, we have all felt. You are not alone. It's time for you to focus on you and Al-Anon will help you do that. Once you are on your road to recovery, things will become clearer.

Take care of you, and keep coming back.



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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold  O-on  P-pain E-ends

Linda-
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