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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Been stuck but now I can't seem to find a reason NOT to get a divorce.
Post Info TOPIC: Been stuck but now I can't seem to find a reason NOT to get a divorce.
sadsusie


Senior Member

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Been stuck but now I can't seem to find a reason NOT to get a divorce.
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Married 15 years, Never treated me well. I can remember wanting to leave him regularly for about that long. I have been ignoring all of that as if I feel like I need to get what I invested in this "relationship". He is manipulative. I mean he IS manipulative, do I want to live with that. He IS selfish, he IS gonna always do what HE wants. I have been trying so hard to survive this emotionally abusive marriage...no, not just survive...but I worked so hard to make him love me. That now, for me to NOT work for that love anymore..I guess I can't grasp it. 

I honestly think that I let myself be brainwashed. He is smart, I am dumb; he is a winner, I am a loser; he could have anyone he wanted, I will never survive with out him; all his friends don't see why he is with me. BUT BUT BUT HE LOVES ME SOOO MUCH ANYWAY.      WOW, what a crock. 

He has practically bankrupted us, and although I am only texting him (and haven't  we got in a fight this morning) he is Threatening me with not signing a credit line If I don't talk to him. Claiming that he has been "chasing" documents to get the credit line done. I suppose "chasing" means calling our lawyer and saying, Hey can you email those documents over to the bank. Whoopdie do. The manipulation continues. 

Now the threat is that If I don't communicate with him He ought to just let us go bankrupt. When I said "OK" , he changed his tune. LOL. Now after making a BIG STINK...He does not want to communicate because he is in a peaceful place. Now *that's* funny. 

 Lawyer in the morning I suppose. 

Thank God for Progress! Thank God for Al-Anon



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Many Blessings,

"Sweet Susie"

 BEFORE-YOU-JUDGE-ME.jpgim in charge and I'm happypeople bring you down, you are above themresponsibilty for your energy
el-cee


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 5075
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Susie, its hard when the denial comes tumbling down and we see the bare truth. I was raging, honestly I felt anger like ive never felt before. I hated him for a while and myself for living tbis way for so long, for giving myself such a hard life with this person who wasnt what I had convinced myself he was.

Love, love is an illusion when addiction is the main focus. Love doesnt get a look in. Its a word used to keep you in your place, well it was for me. When he said it with conviction I backed off, felt grateful that somebody 'loved' me. Love is a doing word, it is nothing without kindness, care, consideration, trust, empathy. In relationships with addictions its a weapon or a tool of the addiction, its effective for people like us with low self esteem, low self worth, attachment disorder, needy and insecure. Your getting stronger, his addiction doesnt like him, hes becoming exposed for who he really is right now. Keep looking susie, your close to freedom, freeing your mind from denial, for me it was such a good good feeling after I was done with the anger and rage.x

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grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

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Yup! It sure sounds like you've got it! You see that you are worthy of loving yourself and you're tired of going to the hardware store to buy bread. He has nothing to do with how you choose to see you and I'm glad that you are recognizing all the words that are said to keep you down and under the control of a monstrous disease.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
hgfgf


Newbie

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I was married to my husband for 11years and we were both bless with three children, living together as one love, until this February when things was no longer the way it was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 3 months after, he stated sleeping outside our matrimonial home. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave him the job. since that day, when i called him, he no longer pick up my calls and nothing seems to come out good. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the new lady till Therapist Oniha of the winexbackspell@gmail.com cast a spell for me, now he is with me and my kids only. And i am happy with my family again ...it looks like a surprise to me but still i am very happy..thanks to Therapist Oniha of the winexbackspell@gmail.com if you need his help contact him on via Email: Therapist Oniha of the winexbackspell@gmail.com

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Oh my lordy Therapist Oniha of the winexbackspell@gmail.com I GOT Briggs BACK. Im so excited, It only took 2days for him to come home.
blessed


Senior Member

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Wow. You're married to my husband. The past several months this has been his way; if I agreed w/ him (might as well as there was no such thing as compromise) then he would say, "I changed my mind."  I just laughed. And he would then mock my laugh in a high pitched cackle.  He said he wanted to do the divorce ourselves and save the $ but with this kind of "cooperation" there is no way we could have done this alone, unfortunately. It would have saved him $ as he burned me. I am already $4000 invested to my atty and don't even have a PSA (personal settlement agreement). I stopped emailing him as those stupid things add up. A won't agree to anything we present, and comes back w/ giving me about 25% instead of 50% but says, "This could all be over if you would just cooperate." 

I have zero hope that this is going to be fast or easy. My standard of living is going way down, but peace is better than money. Money does not buy happiness. We weren't wealthy but we had no financial issues, debt or worry. I am living off a credit card until we make an agreement, and debt is not something I do; so I am simplifying big time so as to not incur debt I can't get out of. 

Hang in there. And know there is nothing you can do to make him happy. Just be kind, take care of self and take your moments to find peace. 

 



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Do the next right thing~

I've never regretted taking the high road. ~
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Good facing the truth! When we are done we are done.

I like the thing about stashing money away and make a plan. I would do it but hmmmm I am the only one here....hugs



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
andromeda


~*Service Worker*~

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Hugs, Susie! I'm pretty much in the same place except for the bankrupt thing. I hope you keep coming back and please let us know how things are progressing FOR YOU! I love seeing people grow with the program and through MIP, because it gives me and others hope for moving forward, no matter what!

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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Been stuck but now I can't seem to find a reason NOT to get a divorce.