The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In some ways it's worse having an A who's a binge drinker. (Of course, there are no good ways for a drinking A to be, so all the ways are "worse.") But what I mean is that I get in a routine of expecting him to be sober, because it's been that way for X many months or years, and then I get more blindsided when he's not.
I won't go into the details, but it's enough to say that things went to hell in a handbasket all of a sudden. And one of the signs of all this was that he's been sneaking things into my house. (Who does that?? Isn't the problem that A's take things from your house? But I find that my A, from whom I have been separated for years, brings and hides piles of junk into my house. Worthless junk! CrazyTown!) He even left some money here. And some pills. The pills are a new development, as far I know. A new station on the Crazy Railroad. (The reason I'm still in touch with him at all is because of our child - otherwise I'd put more solid distance between us. But some contact is necessary because of the shared parenting.)
Those are only the minor things that have happened. I won't bother going into the big things because they're just variations of stuff we've all been through, pretty gross and horrible but standard-issue drunk stuff. But one thing I do notice is that the chaos tends to break out when there is something else big going on. It's like he thinks that I won't have my wits and my recovery about me quite so much if I'm distracted by six other things happening at the same time.
So tonight I discovered what had been going on while my attention was distracted, and now I need to do a lot of fancy footwork to get things back on an even keel and undo some of the damage because caused while my attention was elsewhere. So my stress levels went through the roof and I found myself crying and I thought, "I'll sit down with the folks at MIP and they will understand."
(((Dear Matie))) I am so pleased that you brought your concern and stress here as we do understand as few others can . Be very gentle with yourself and stay in the day trusting HP. Prayers and positive thoughts on the way
(((Mattie))) These are the times I don't like on-line and the physical distance between us. If we lived closer and you asked me to do so, I would come and help you clean up the mess that his pain creates for him and falls out on you. I have experienced some of what you're saying here in relationship to my son. New boundaries had to be put in place that I didn't want to utilize and saw that I had to do it if I wanted any peace. It wasn't just the mess that bothered me. It was seeing what the disease was doing to my loved one and being powerless over it. From what I've read, you are a kind and generous person, Mattie. My experience is that the disease does blindside us as it progresses and we simply can't anticipate everything this awful disease will do to our loved ones or how it will affect us. All we can do is hurt sometimes and try to care for ourselves as lovingly as we can one day at a time.
Oh Mattie...what comes to mind here is " one of our own is struggling". Like, Grateful, I, too, would come over and offer support. Thanks for letting us help in small ways.
Thank you all so much for being here. I am struggling to use my program tools and the situation is complicated. I'll start a new thread about the specifics. I just wish alcoholism would stop keeping on roaring into life. The gift that keeps on taking!
Oh mattie, im sorry your feeling this way. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it will be alright, sometimes good comes out of the drama caused by thjs disease.x
((Mattie)) I'm sorry you have this. I do understand and had that "thing" going on for a long time until it didn't. Boundaries, as difficult as they can be, help when we're feeling drained or affected by chaos or insanity. Wishing you serenity.
