The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After coming here and going to meetings I realize that my AH does love me but is almost always incapable of being a loving person because he's drunk. He doesn't remember alot of things, conversations, family events etc because he drunk. He tries to cover it up but I can see through it. He's so absorbed in himself and his drinking, and also trying to prove to everyone else what a nice man he is, our relationship doesn't matter. As long as I put on a smile on my face and his family and the public don't realize how bad his drinking is. I have been cheated out of a close relationship because alcohol has been his partner of choice. Through Al-anon I have learned to love myself, I'm working out, going out with my friends and kids. But I do feel short changed. Lesson learned alcohol comes first with an alcoholic and there's nothing you can do about it.
I used to hid it or cover up my son's drinking but when I let go and he went with others drunk they soon learned. I didn't stop him from going anywhere and things started to happen. The store would kick him out, wasn't let in a bar, GF's wouldn't last long and DUI's happened. Family took him in to find really how bad it was. I didn't have to say a word for the disease to come out to everyone. I let my son take it all back and own it completely. Even as a mom that did everything for her son was short changed. Like you I'm learning it wasn't me he didn't want he just couldn't give it to anyone or anything.
You are doing well...keep it up because it does get better for you...
((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I do see some of what we experience as a consequence of the disease that affects us all. Choosing to get help and working the program can counterbalance the effects of it on us and might even contribute to our loved ones making changes, too? Although my son has relapsed and I've spent more time away from him than with him, I do notice that my daughter and grandson and I experience a closeness that might not have happened if I hadn't chosen to work the Al-Anon program for myself. We all have issues and I see growth in me, growth in my daughter, a delightful grandson, and continued trust in my HP and my son's. Although the kind of life I wanted will never be a reality, I've learned to be content with the reality of my life as it is most of the time. It doesn't mean I don't have sad days, down days or unhappy days, but I seldom walk the floors awake at night, I am not meddling in my son's business or my daughter's, I know how to encourage my grandson in ways that work for him, and I know how to make the most of my life without hanging my happiness on the backs of my children or grandson. That doesn't mean I don't like being with them, I do, but I notice that alcoholism no longer has me by the head, the heart, the throat or my emotions. Learning to live on life's terms is still a lesson in progress for me as it is for you. And I'm grateful for the progress and grateful for both of you, too. It is good to see you here. Thank you for the thread.
I think we could all feel that way, I know I felt short changed out of a partner, a father for my kids. Its the nature of it I think. I sometimes think about how far ive come since joining alanon and im actually grateful a lot of the time, if it wasnt for his disease I might never have saught recovery for mine. I could have taken my misery and the rest of my own symptoms to the grave otherwise. My kids now have one sane ish parent rather than none.x
