The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My abf is back in town again. He works in camp as an electrician. He works 2 weeks in and one week out. I have known him 4 months now and had moved some of my belongs into his house and I have left the remainder of my belongs in my apartment that I have not given up. To make a long story short, he has gone through 3 jobs in 3 months. And as expected, he again lost his current job, due to drinking again. He was sober for 5 days, at work, and then decided to go drinking Friday night after work, knowing he had to work in the morning. He made it to work, Saturday, and come Sunday, he was not at work and got let go from his job. Sunday, he called me and was crying the blues, I was not surprised. I drove 5 hours one way to pick him up and brought him back to the city Monday afternoon. He was sober. Tuesday he started drinking again and continued to yesterday. I knew what I had to do, pack my belongings and leave back to my apartment. I have started packing and went and got boxes yesterday and brought it back to his house. Yesterday, despite his drunkenness, I was able to laugh and joke with him and cook a nice dinner and watch a movie with him, before going to bed. I did not yell, swear, but treated him with respect. The day before, I begged, screamed, threatened to leave for good and finally I just said "F*** It" what is the use talking, as nothing is going to change. Its like talking to a wall. I decided to just leave my things packed up in boxes and leave it there and just have fun with his drunkenness, which I did. He is now sleeping off the hangover, and I feel great! I have a massage appointment set up for myself this afternoon and I have been reading my al-anon things on line and I have things to do. I keep thinking, the alcoholic is going to either be asleep or drunk, what are you going to do for yourself to make you feel special? And do not depend on the alcoholic to help you with anything. Just keep the focus on you. I am proud of me as the last week and half he was out of town working, I stayed at my apartment and looked after me without any thought of him. I knew it was a matter of time before he would loose his job again and I am grateful that this time I was not around or give him advise. He is on the I have to quite drinking as its affecting my work. this is my bottom. I just laugh as i know that its lies, lies, lies. My belongs are still packed up and he saw it today again, with hangover eyes and said, just leave your things here for now. I will but it will remain packed, ready to take out anytime. I am learning to stand up for myself and say "its not my problem" and "you will figure it out." One promise I made to myself is I will not go and drive to pick him up from camp again if he looses his job from alcohol again. I have made it clear to him and that is were I stand. The sad thing is he was sober for 14 years prior and had been in AA. He knows about recovery and keeps telling me to give him another chance. I am running out of chances with him. I have made it clear to me, myself, that I deserve better and will have better and all I have to do it take my belongings out of his house and return to my apartment. I know that what he says is all lies and I need to keep the focus on me and my life only. What is best for me? I am making progress slowly, one step at a time.
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 28th of August 2014 05:35:52 PM
Dear Joker It does sound as if you are living in the reality of this disease and are determined to take care of yourself.
Alcoholism is a dreadful, progressive, fatal disease and to witness someone who was in recovery in AA for such a long time , relapse is devastating.
Please keep using your alanon tools. I love that you are reading the literature, and hope you can up your meetings so as to increse your support .
You are not alone
Thanks for the update, joker. Glad to see that you are continuing your program work and have your own apartment. As we've said before on this board, the A watches what we do and doesn't listen to what we say. That is a good thing for us to put in practice, too. Watching what the A does and not listen too closely to what they say as you are doing. He knows where to go for help. He'll do it if he chooses. You know where to go for help and you are doing it. Good job.
