Made my mip meeting last nite - Al-Anon Family Group

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Made my mip meeting last nite

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

You are not alone LU I know that growing up and in the early years of my marriage I really believed that taking care of myself was selfish and WRONG. I was taught that I should forget about my needs, care for others and then they would take care of me . Problem was they DID NOT take care of me and when I looked about NO One was taking care of me .

Alanon explained that this was my job and they would show me how to do that without being selfish or unkind
I am glad you attended on line meetings.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for the update, LU. I went to last night's meeting, too. Glad to be there. It was a big help for me. Just listening and participating in the meeting helped me feel calm, peaceful, centered and knowledgeable about how to handle something that was bothering me. I can't talk for others, but I can talk for me. If I'm willing to attend meetings with an open mind and heart and stay with those meetings, I am benefitted in ways that I can't predict yet receive. The more troubled I feel, the more meetings I attend and stay with both on-line and face to face. Otherwise, my emotions just keep churning and my thinking is distorted when I'm confronted with something that is too much for me to handle on my own. My willingness to admit I need help and to choose to get the help I need by attending meetings, listening and sharing helps me let go of what I am powerless over and demonstrates to my HP that I am willing to be helped. When I'm willing, I'm teachable. When I'm unwilling to admit my way isn't working and my emotional life is unmanageable, there is nothing my HP can do to help restore me to sanity.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 22nd of August 2014 08:55:06 AM

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Ms Betty that is how it was in my childhood also my parents instilled into me and my siblings to always take care of each other and to my surprise when I got grown my siblings used me for a long while until I finally stopped it now they don't come around at all have t seen then in yrs because they know they can't use me anymore.and grateful I felt the same feelings you felt in the mip meeting last night i felt at peace and not alone or lonely it is a great feeling,I'm got in my agenda to get my car checked out etc. so I'll be road ready to get to my FTf meetings ,I'm gonna also have to figure it into my budget as far as gas wise it's 40 miles one way and gas is 3.80/ gal.how do I figure that any body here good at math,cause I'm not,lol

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

$3.80 a gallon? Wow! Gas prices have been dropping to $3.25 a gallon in my area. I've learned to use the calculator on my computer that helps me when I can't work it on paper with pencil. The next town is 40 miles away from the town you live in? You must live in a very big City. I wouldn't know what that is like. I've always lived in small towns that are bordered within 5 to 10 miles of the next.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

You shoulda seen my underwear when I had kids! I felt guilty buying me anything! I know for me I had to get out of the mom mode. Even now my kids are 38 and 39 I still gotta make me think of me.

Glad you saw how the meetings are here. I loved them.

F2f ones believe me the people will be so happy you walk thru the door, same as here. We all learn from each other. Also we all had to walk in and know how you feel. BUT we also know how much better you will feel when you come in and keep coming. Then you will welcome others.

I know it's hard to make someone go, even when you know they need to. We are not made that way. We think also how hard it is to be alone. Where in reality if we keep them out long enough, we realize how nice it is.

Also did you read Getting them sober toby rice drew volume one? You can get it on amazon for like five bucks. It will reinforce the fact that when we take them in, we are helping their disease, not them. The disease will suck us dry, take it all. While we make it comfortable in our loved one to keep using. hard concept to accept, but true.

Again HP loves you so how dare one not love themselves??? I would look in the mirror and tell myself one thing I loved about me. Even if it was my nose. I mean it. It took me a year or so, but I tell ya I do love me, love my body with all its growing older and my dang gut. I do. I love me enough to say NO to someone not treating me right and tell them to go.

I have come here dear one for so many years and shared my path. Losing my AH was hard. Being alone, deaths, seeing my arms skin changing and why do my legs feel funny. These people helped me get past my body changing to reflect age even.

Then I was so in love and felt loved. Was treated so well so well. I took a long time to allow him to convince me. could it really be?

well it wasn't and he broke my heart worse than it has ever been broken. he worked hard on me to trust in him, depend on him, etc promised he would never leave.

And just this week I made it crystal clear to not contact me period

So I know the stuff you go thru. You are doing great too, you keep coming here all along and you are progressing. you came to a meeting here too! When you get ready to go to the one there, tell us, we will support you and be with you!

hugs, debilyn and hey what are you going to do for YOU today?

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so very happy that you had a good experience at the meeting...good for you, good for you and good for you. You gave yourself a gift LU.

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Congratulations, Lu it does feel good to take care of "me". Its very empowering
And freeing, but the idea does seem foreign at first. I ordered some New clothes,shoes
and thought about losing weight. We seem to think of our needs last not first
Especially when there is an A involved. My ah moved out last month so i am free of criticism,
That is another freeing feeling.

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Deblyn,I Love your reply and so did I enjoy reading everyone else's here too.i know I didn't get in this shape over nite and I know it's gonna take some hard work on my end but that's ok,and it's not gonna fix me over nite either but I will get there one day at a time.the telling him to leave is the hardest part they came and got his vehicle yesterday due to his non payment so now he is on foot and at my mercy I hate that,he after my fussing and had to tell him to do it he texted the other woman and told her not to call or text his phone anymore.well I feel dumb again,my thinking is he is at my mercy and will do anything to keep peace with me so he can live here,I'm feeling trapped there's no love actions between us anymore,he has distanced himself from me,he guards his phone with all his might takes it to the bathroom with him,it's got a lock on it so I'm thinking he gets in bathroom and texts his woman cause he stAys way too long at times he can text her back and tell her it was me that made him text her that,I haven't the courage to tell him to just call her and tell her to come and get him I did tell him earlier and he said that where can she come and get him at ,I could've took him down the road or he could walk down the road to let her pick him up,I do feel stuck moon.morn he is suppose to go for a uri e test for this really good job so I'm thinking that's when he will be threw with me ,he will be back to talking to her eventually I'm thinking I dunno.he is so at my mercy for everything I took him to get food stamps for himself to eat here at my residence until he can get his job going,he has to eat,and my groceries are gone,and I can't and won't buy none ,I'm now broke but mainly due to my smoking cigs agin has got me broke.deblyn I well know about the panties being wore out ,lol,I'm still there with never buying me anything and don't know how to buy for me I'm always buying for the house or something else,and my 2kids have been out and gone for years that's one reason y my bf likes it here too. Ause he knows it's just me and my dog that he loves my dog to the moon and back.i don't know what's gonna happen ,I know something's got to give .sorry I sure didn't mean to get on him again I'm trying to stay on me and that's hard.

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