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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I am trying my best not to have a serious meltdown
Post Info TOPIC: I am trying my best not to have a serious meltdown
Newlife girl


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I am trying my best not to have a serious meltdown
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Hi. I am feeling so overwhelmed, lonely and worried. My second child is off to college. I know it's a good thing. But now it's only me and my youngest 8 yr old at home. I am trying very very hard to look at the good things. youngest child just put her stuff in older sister's closet and drawers. It was cute, and a good thing. I just feel like I haven't prepared myself for children leaving home. How do you prepare for such a life changing event? I am thinking about good things like the fact her college is only 3 1/2 hours away. So we can easily visit her. Having both kids away will give me an excuse to travel more. If I have the money. :( trying to keep the focus on me and not worry about AH still not working. Everything falls onto my shoulders.

I wrote my daughter a letter and told her not to open it until she was in her dorm. Told her how proud I was of her and how sorry I am for giving her 2 poor examples of marriage. But I told her I hope one day she looks at the strength it took me to leave a bad marriage. i want to set a good example for my kids now. Better late than never I guess. It was hard for me not to try and coerce her to go to college right down the street. I let her make the choice. I am now probably going to have to look into doggy daycare for my dog who will be lonely at home all day without anyone here when I work. Things will change. luckily I have back up people to help watch daughter in case AH relapses. 

I will keep busy with my youngest. Keeping busy will help. Thanks for listening. I know I am not alone



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Living life one step at a time
SunshineGirl


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Glad you are expressing your feelings. You are right that you are not alone. Sending supportive warmth to you.

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PP


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When I feel as you do, I really do keep my life as simple as possible and allow space for the grieving.  (((NLT)))



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Paula
pinkchip


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Your HP is looking out for you. I wound up stripped of a lot of the stuff that I used to rely on for happiness. When I started recovery, I found myself with a house facing foreclosure (I short sold it eventually), 1000 miles from my family, only 1 friend left.... This left me in a position of desperation. I felt like I really HAD to stay sober, but I also HAD to grow up. Sorry this is not happening for your AH and he is riding the elevator downward. Anyhow, my point is that I was stripped of a lot of things I was depending on for happiness (the relationship, the place, his friend, being able to easily run back to mommy and daddy). When those options were taken away, guess what happened? I grew stronger. My faith grew stronger. My faith grew stronger. I learned how to make myself happier with less and that was a giant blessing so that when the relationships and stuff came back, I was and am more grateful and feel more blessed.

It was a hard time for a couple years but, remembering back, I was clinging to the fellowship (which was healthy at that time in comparison to things I clung to before such as unhealthy relationships and alcohol). I made my life about the 12 steps in that time and it served me well.

I was depressed and overwhelmed. It took about 2 years to really crawl out of that bottom. So...the way I figure, your HP is giving you lessons to help you grow even stronger, more independent and those are going to be lessons to last you the rest of your life.

Stop beating yourself up over "failed marriages." You have 2 kids in college!! I work with thug adolescents that dropped out in 6th grade, are in jail, and it will be a major achievement if they get a GED and stay out of prison. I wouldn't even want their parents beating themselves up so much (well most of them). You have done well. It is time to do some self reflection and really build a relationship with your HP now. Your HP will not grow up and leave the nest (not a bad thing as I said before), go into foreclosure, relapse, lie, hoard...

I swear you will emerge from all of this a stronger woman. I will tell you what was told to me when I was struggling: "If you don't believe it, just believe that I believe it for you." Have faith.

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Newlife girl


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Thanks so much PC. Your wisdom always helps me and you always say the right words. Grateful for your help.

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el-cee


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I have 2 of my children out the house now and I only have the youngest whos 17. I love the time I have for myself. It sounds like you have a lot to be proud of with your kids and its great they are healthy and able to go out into the world. I have never felt any of the feelings some talk about when their kids grow and leave, no empty nest feelings. Im kind of relieved that they have responsibility for their own lives and im gaining more and more freedom. Try writing daily gratitude lists, they help you focus on what you do have and they help you have a more positive outlook.

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Debilyn


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dearest I have often shared I asked my kids when they were coming home until they were 30. Being a widow we were so close.

Its so natural to go thru the empty nest thing. it hurts! Of course in time things will become familiar as they are. Mine are close to 40 now and I still want them back!

You have a lot on you honey. I invite you to let go and let HP have your A. Make is so it does not matter what he does.

We want to have some hope since we are so much in need. I found learning to not even think of them once they are gone helped me.

hugs



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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grateful2be


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Sometimes, we have to allow those meltdowns so that we don't crack like brittle wood. Feeling your feelings, sharing them, weeping and throwing a pillow or two if you need to do that - healthy.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
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