Courage needed - Al-Anon Family Group

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Courage needed

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayers as requested, Mirandac. It is very apparent to me that you were very wise in obtaining the services of an attorney and calling a real estate company to appraise the property.

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you grateful, i have been lucky we do not need to see each other.
He comes and goes we write notes if needed for bills etc. i just
Wrote a response to his note about the appraiser and other things i didnt
Say much personal except "you were the one in the big rush for the divorce"
Otherwise just what was said by acct,lawyer,realtor and appraiser. i know

to keep any bad remarks to myself. Especially on paper so it can be used

against me in court.

-- Edited by Mirandac on Monday 18th of August 2014 03:49:08 PM

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

You will be given the strength, courage to do what you need to do when you need to do it....I have faith in you. You have already done some really hard stuff.

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you pp. i am crying again, this is so heartbreaking to me
To even be in this mess with him. My own husband is doing this
To me. I have trouble getting my head around this. I know i need
Acceptance but it doesnt make it hurt any less.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayers and positive thoughts on the way

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

The more i think about it i need to accept this is the man
That has been making my life h*** for the last eleven
Years. I guess that is what i really need acceptance on.
This is who and what he is. A dry drunk with abuse issues.
I have admitted to being 50% of the problem. I come from a very dysfunctional
Family. i got cleared by both my therapists, that i was basically
Okay. I had adult child and abandoment issues to Work on And i
needed to Build up my self esteem more. This was all about him
And his journey.

gingerfizz · Veteran Member

Sometimes I try to find more acceptance of those around me who are not meeting my expectations (my problem, not theirs!) with a quote by Maya Angelou that says, "When people show you who they are, believe them." This gives me more clarity to see and accept reality as it is, instead of seeing what I want and hope to see.

(Actually she says "believe them -- the first time!" but there's no use beating myself up with that last bit - it's usually well past the first time!)

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

You are beyond ok....you are fabulous.

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with PP!! Take care and will be sending you positive thoughts.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Dearest this is a one day at a time thing, big time. Do what you can and leave the rest each day and live.

At this juncture have you talked to the mortgage company about modifying the loan so one of you can afford it?

As far as payments, how attractive is it?I mean is there a demand for your type property?

It will be ok, it is life and it just will. Take take it as it comes. I have lived a nightmare with my place. But hp has been amazing. a miracle really.

I won't leave here until I am forced to. My mortgage co. has pulled so many illegal actions and I know it and don't let the pressure get to me.they are shocked all their bs has not pushed me out. they just pulled something else and still cannot do anything for years.

We just do not know what is in the future so we live each day. You have options. you don't have to live there during this. Even if he cannot make the payments it takes so long for the mortgage company to do anything.

Its not a perfect option, but you do have them.

hugs and you can do this, just again do what you have to each day, be where you are, if you are at work think of work only. If you are shopping shop only. it works.

hugs,debilyn

blessed · Senior Member

The division of property is not easy. My AH agrees to "deals" via email or text to me, but has yet to sign one legal document. I have done my bidding through an atty who writes it up legally. The AH responds to the legal notices he gets directly to me via email. Of course that is worthless & he knows it. I only respond w/ submit it to my atty. He tries to get me sucked in with, "We could save $ if we do it ourselves." lol! Sure we would. You would save $ and I would get nothing. His current order has a deadline response of 8/22. He has not yet agreed or opposed. On the 22nd we file another order to get me some temporary support until he agrees to release so $ from the equity in our home to me. In the meantime I rely on God for "my daily bread". In a few days I am moving out of state on a wing and a prayer & a truck full of my stuff that will go into storage until I find a job and a home.

I am not pro-attorney, or against attorneyes. They have their place and there are times their expertise is needed. And in the end the only decision that matters is the decision of the judge. You've already said neither can afford the house, so the judge will probably order it sold and that takes all the argument out of it. So, do your due diligence, work the process and it will be what it is. I had a realtory friend come over and do an evaluation of the home so I could have real figures of what it is worth before submitting legal docs. Zillow is a tool, but they don't do a walk-through and see upgrades, etc.

Remain calm. Find serenity. This too shall pass.

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you everyone for your kind responses. We just rewrote the mtg in 2011
Its fairly large amount for my age (58) with payments for 20 years.
I could probably live here and he would need to pay me rent for his portion. But
That would be heart breaking, this is a small town with all his relatives. I want
To move closer to work its 13 miles away. I have not looked at any rentals because
I dont know the when of the situation. I need the financials agreed upon first.
I have a beautiful home on a river, it is very calming after a stressful day. I will miss
Living here.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Splitting up things is an emotional task and letting go of a marriage is heart breaking for sure. I am glad you are thinking through it and it sounds like you have great awareness. Sending you love and support on your journey!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.